FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 1 RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 2 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other type of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 3 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees DATE: December 7 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party-the days are so short this time of year-or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 8 RE: Holiday Party So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice ... what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay??? Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director To: All Employees Date: December 9 RE: Holiday Party People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All #%&$ing Employees DATE: December 10 RE: The %#*&^%@*%^ Holiday Party I have no #%&*ing idea what the announcement is all about. What the #&^!@ do I care ... I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and you're dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!! Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: December 14 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!

-- Anonymous, December 12, 2003

Answers

I really find no humor in this post. The cynical nature of the post is quite offensive. The diversity movement always attacked by those who subtley try to undermine the efforts of very moral and religious men and women who truly belief in the free exercise of religion as guaranteed in the constitution of the United States. It is important that we learn to recognize and understand our differences, for how can we offer Christ to those with whom we have no relationship with?

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2003

Your post proves the point of the skit. The diversity crowd is overly sensitive and demanding. They see offense everywhere, and demand everyone conform to their pet peeves. By the time they're finished they've made life miserable for everyone. You can't even have a decent party.

BTW, I got a private e-mail from someone who enjoyed it.

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2003

BTW RP There are pictures that show men and women laughing and joking as Black men hung from trees. So I am not impressed by the fact that someone enjoyed it privately. This post reeks of intolerance and racism and I still find it profoundly offensive.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2003

For once, I agree with RP.

Thanks to "political correctness", I can't say Merry Christmas at my day job without running the risk of offending atheists, Jews, Muslims, or Jehovan Witnesses (which could lead to termination). I simply say "Happy December".

Come on people, lighten up.

That was a joke......

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2003

Listen to the story that is being told by this joke here. It is a reality that many people are getting over offensive about the simplest of things. In the joke it mentions meeting the social needs of the jews, the lesbians, the christians, and the vegeterians, and so forth. ---snip---

{the rest was deleted)

The gist of it was this: We need to have tolerance, and stop foisting our idiosyncracies on the majority.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2003

My sensitivity to this issue has been heightened by activities in my workplace. First, many of my colleagues were upset, if not downright angry when the company changed the name of the "Christmas Bonus" to the Holiday Bonus. Why? Typical of the comments "Christ has to be taken out of everything." (I had no problem with it at all because they raised it this year!) We are a multicultural group with a number of Hindus, Muslims, Jehovah Witnesses, Christians, Jews, atheists, agnostics etc. When one of the JW's objected to having her workspace decorated for the holidays, she was scorned by the Pentecostal woman for not being a team player. So in a diverse world we may have to learn new ways to celebrate holidays like Christmas which is both y religious and secular.

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2003