We have had some wonderful and insightful discussions regarding being single Christians and dating. Our church is doing outreach at a boys group home and we are doing a DMC program with them. Below are some thoughts from Eden Curriculum that we are using for the boys. But this info is pertinent for single adults also. What are your thoughts?

God wants the best for us in every area of our lives. This includes relationships with boyfriends or girlfriends. We should date for fun, friendship, personality development and selection of a mate, not to be popular or for security. Don't allow peer pressure to force you into dating situations that are not appropriate. Realize that over 50% of girls and over 40% of guys never date in high school. The Bible gives us some very clear principles to guide us in making decisions about dating.

Guard your heart. The Bible tells us to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences everything else in our life.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)

You are known by the company you keep. We also tend to become like the company we keep. This principle is closely related to the first one and is just as important in friendships as in dating.

"Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." (1 Corinthians 15:33)

Christians should only date other Christians. Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Is it really love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 defines real love. Ask yourself these questions:

Are you patient with each other? Are you kind to each other? Are you never envious of each other? Do you never boast to or about each other? Is your relationship characterized by humility? Are you never rude to each other? Are you not self-seeking? Are you not easily angered with each other? Do you keep no record of wrongs? Are you truthful with each other? Do you protect each other? Do you trust each other?

If you answered "yes" to the above questions, then 1 Corinthians 13 says that you truly have a loving relationship. If you answered "no" to any of the above questions, then maybe you should discuss those issues with your boyfriend or girlfriend. How Far is Too Far?

Many students ask the question, "How far should I go on a date?" Here are some principles that will help you decide what is appropriate behavior on a date.

Does the situation I put myself in invite sexual immorality or help me avoid it? 1 Corinthians 6:18 says to "flee from sexual immorality." We cannot do this if we are tempting ourselves through carelessness.

What kind of reputation does my potential date have? When you accept a date you are essentially saying, "My values are the same as your values." That in itself can put you in a position you may regret later. Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Bad company corrupts good character."

Will there be any pressure to use alcohol or drugs? Don't give up your values for a date.

Am I attracting the wrong type of person? Make sure that the message you send with your actions doesn't attract people who will lead you to compromise your values.

Am I aware that sin is first committed in the heart? Matthew 5:28 says, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Are you going to the right kind of place for a date? Many good intentions have been forgotten because the temptation and opportunity were too great.

Am I doing anything to encourage sexual desire? Don't engage in any impure contact that is sexually motivated, such as petting.

-- Anonymous, October 04, 2003

Answers

Hello Everyone, I am a 19 year old college student and member of Greater St. Mark AME Church(7th District) of Hemingway, South Carolina.

I went to the 7th Episcopal District's YPD Retreat in April 2003 and our workshops theme was about dating, love, sex, and relationships. I learned some important information and you summarize everything that I have learned from the retreat and reading my bible. I completely agree with everything you said.

We should only date other christians and use the biblical approach to dating in this day and age. I would like more information on how to effective present this information to the youth at my local church. This is a subject that need to be address more in our local churches to our youth. I am glad anointed ministers like you are stepping up to the plate to tackle these issues. Hopefully my church's YPD will have a seminar on teenage dating during this conference year. Last year, my church's YPD had a Youth Empowerment Conference. This conference was used to educate the youth on drugs, sex, STDs or STIs, and alcohol.

GOD BLESS!!!

Fedrick Allen Wilson

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2003

Bro. Wilson, thank you for your response! You have encouraged me to keep going with this program. We are working with young men in high school who are in a group home. These teens come from all across the state of Montana. Some from cities, some from ranches and farms. Besides being a minister, I am a social worker and I have always worked primarily with boys between the ages of 1

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2003

Bro. Wilson, thank you for your response! You have encouraged me to keep going with this program. We are working with young men in high school who are in a group home. These teens come from all across the state of Montana. Some from cities, some from ranches and farms. Besides being a minister, I am a social worker and I have always worked primarily with boys between the ages of 10 and 18. (Usually because most social workers do not want to work with that population) I love it! One of my concerns is "language" for example referring to women as "females" the term dehumanizes women and young ladies and thus makes it easier to have impersonal relationships with young women. I have had lively discussions on this topic, but usually it is an eye opener in terms of how we treat and respect one another.

I would love to stay in touch with you and congratulations of standing on the word of God. You have learned early what has taken so many of us years to learn (And I include myself as a slow learner) There is nothing more rewarding than being in a healthy Christian relationship. I am so proud of you bro. wilson and I am glad you are ame!

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2003

Hi everyone I'm from the 15th District and I'd like to thank you Rev. Rogers for this wonderful lesson.

God Bless.

-- Anonymous, October 27, 2003

Denise you opine-

"One of my concerns is "language" for example referring to women as "females" the term dehumanizes women and young ladies and thus makes it easier to have impersonal relationships with young women."

Perhaps what you typed is not what you meant. How is the word female "dehumanizing"? The Bible makes reference to female. Anthropologists and biological scientists use the term female in their careful classification of species by gender. What is derogatory about this term? QED

-- Anonymous, October 27, 2003