I've been reading all the messages about men being falsely accused of physical or sexual abuse, and I have to say it has scared the hell out of me.

My girlfriend has threatened me over and over that she is going to inflict bruises or cuts on herself and then call the cops and say I beat her. She even made a comment that she would go as far as ramming some object into herself so she can claim I raped her.

I can go on and on about my terrible situation, but for now I really need to know the answers to the following questions. If anyone has opinions or comments, they're certainly welcome, but I hope somebody can give me specific answers to these questions if they know the answers:

If I have audio recordings of my girlfriend threatening to make such false accusations, can I use those to file a police report?

Can I use them to get a restraining order?

Can I use them in court?

If not, then what kind of evidence can I use? Its scary, because I know all my girlfriend has to do is pick up the phone, and she can have me arrested, and give me a police record for something I've never done. What can I do in my defense?

MOST IMPORTANT: Does anyone know of a group or organization in Minnesota that can help me? I really can't afford to go to a lawyer over this.

All I want to do is leave my girlfriend, and be certain that she can never make such accusations after I've left her. I originally thought that I could just leave her and stay away, and I'd be fine. From some of the postings I've read, now it sounds to me like she can still report that I've done things to her in the past. It seems to me that the only protection I have against this is my recordings of her making such threats. If I can't use those though, I'm screwed.

PLEASE HELP!!

-- Anonymous, July 19, 2003

Answers

Run.

Never be alone with her in any circumstance.

Contact local police or sheriff's dept. and file a report. Take a copy of the report and file a rest. order requesting a stay-away.

If you have a lot of friends, confide in them and ask for letters from them explaining this situation. Get them signed, dated, and notorized.

That's my advice. Most of all be very careful with this woman, even if you think or she says she's kidding. Some people have never accepted the word no.

-- Anonymous, July 27, 2003

I don't Know if I have an answer to this, See I run a domestic Violence group and almost half of the men there have been put there by the courts. I have heard alot of stories where the women is the perpetrator. I believe the courts are out of balance on domestic violence ( at least in some cases) Some of these women out there deliberately set up men for domestic violence.They say a bruise they got at school, or wherever, was done by you ( the man ) Its crazy. I have been setup myself and the only thing we can do is to: make sure we have a witness, get some evidence like a hidden tape recorder, So you can tape the threats. maybe even a small video camera. I do know we men have to cover ourselves in any way we can. I know how you feel Whatever you do DON'T GET MAD. Take a time out. Walk away and calm down then go back in about an hour and try to discuss this like two Adults.. One other suggestion is to learn communication skills. Both of you should try a Couples Communication class. I have seen these work wonders. But both of you have to be willing. If she doesn't want to get involved in this, I would rethink my relationship with her. It is going to take both of you to do this. I hope this helped Mike D

-- Anonymous, July 29, 2003