My name is Amanda and I am 12 years old. last December, my mom was driving me and my carpool to school. She kept yelling at me and I told her to sut up. Then I quickly apologized because it had just slipped out. I had never said that to her before. She just yelled at me some more. Then when I got home from school my dad was waiting for me. he standing with his hand behind the back of a chair. He asked me to come over, so I did. Then he yelled "did you tell you mother to shut up?". And I said, "yes but I said was sorry and I really am!" then he yelled that he didn't care if I was sorry and started hitting me with what I. at the time. thought was a stick. My father is a big man. He is 6 foot 4 and overweight. He hit me really hard about 30 times. I kept crying"stop! Stop! Please Stop!" but obviously he didn't listen. When he finnished I noticed that it was not a stick at all that he was beating me with. It was the wooden back scratcher I gave him for father's day in second grade. 2 of it's prongs broke off when he hit me. Then he made me pick up all the sticks and pinecones in the front yard in 20 minutes. We had just had a storm. If I hadn't finnished in time he would have beat me again. I had huge raised red welts that night. They were still there in the morning so they made me wear pants to school. If they didn't do anything wrong, they wouldn't have tried to cover it up would they've? They told me not to tell anyone. It hurt to sit down all day. The welts were still faintly there on Monday and by Tuesday they were full fleged bruises. They were all up and down my legs. I only told a couple of friends. They saw the welts. My parents have hit me with a belt when I was "bad" ever since I can remember. In 4th grade, I couldn't memorize the Gettysburgh address in a week. It wasn't even for school. My dad just told me to memorize it in a week and when I told him I didn't think I could, he said "are you telling me you're not going to try?" and then he beat me with the belt. And by the end of the week when it wasn't memorized, he beat me everyday that I didn't know it after that. My parents always said they were doing the right thing to teach me. I am not a bad kid. I make good grades, I don't smoke, I don't have sex, I don't drink, and I don't curse. I always thought that everyone's parents did that. Now that I know it's not true at all, I don't know what to do. What should I do?

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2003

Answers

I think u should try talking it out with him. if that dosn't work tel someone else....another family memeber, a friend, or maybe even someone of athority. well i hope this helps

-barbie

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2003

Amanda, I disagree entirely with Barbra. I know that people like your father are hard to talk to. It won't work. But I do think that Barbie had a point. You should tell someone in athority. That definately is abuse. Maybe Barbra doesn't relize that if he'll beat for telling your mother to shut up then he'll definately beat you for contridicting him too. And you said he was overweight. Sometimes overwieght people have a bad temper because they are unhappy. This is a clasic case of abuse and I think you should take this guy's ass to court. You should wait though untill you're older and more accomplished. Then everyone will believe you, but right now your just a kid with no evidence except for your word and friend's words. If he does it again then go straight to a teacher or priest. They will do something about it. Godspeed, Robert

P.S.- I just want to tell Barbra, if she see's this again, that I am single and I love books too. ;)

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2003

Hi Amanda. First congratulations on finding this place and attempting to get help with your unfortunate situation. I think Robert's right in saying that your age will get in the way of your ability to do anything major on your own. However, it is important to know that there are many people out there acting right now to stop this kind of behavior and help the victims and survivors of domestic abuse.

You need to determine how serious the situation is yourself. You sound like a very strong young woman who has had to put up with a tremendous amount of pressure. But realize that as well as you've stood up to it this far, the longer it goes on, the more subtle and long-lasting the effects are. Finding help, or at least support, during this time is essential. There are hotlines you can call if you want to just vent and have a compassionate ear to listen and give advice, or there are social services who may take a more proactive approach. On-line research has helped me out tremendously in my search for support and healing, and I advice you throw some key words into a Google search like "child abuse services", "Domestic abuse services", etc. and see what you come up with. You'll find a tremendous amount of information and stories from other people in your same shoes. A phone book will have numbers too. Or even a bookstore. There you will find many books that talk about this exact sort of stuff and in them, you will find numbers you can call as well.

I can't imagine that anything you find will be easy, but anything that will make your developing life any less abusive is worth fighting for. Keep getting good grades, keep NOT smoking and drinking, and keep NOT getting pregnant. All those things will just make your life more difficult, and I think you're aware of that. Keep your spirit strong whatever you have to do. I'm amazed at the maturity you displayed in writing this and I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

Good luck!

-Josh

P.S. I was referred to a great on-line support group that you may be interested in looking at. Here's the link:

http://www.ivillage.com/boards/

scroll half-way down and under "top ten support groups" you'll find a link to the domestic violense page. The people there have much more information than any of us had and will respond quickly and compassionately to any questions you may have. Please check it out :)

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2003

Hi Amanda, There is no question that what you have described here is child abuse! The others who have mentioned that it is domestic violence are also correct. Child abuse IS domestic violence! No one of any age deserves to be treated in this manner regardless of whether the person abusing them believes they have done something"bad" or not! You are a child but most importantly...you are a human being! There are people who can help you. If something happens during the school year you can go to a guidance counselor or teacher and show them your wounds and they will get you the assistance you need from people who can help you. If something happens during vacations from school you can get in touch with the police or a hospital...you may also get help from a parent of a close friend who you can trust. You are young but there are adults who will listen! I don't know what State you live in but if you want to e-mail us and tell us the State you live in we can give you some numbers to call or places to go to talk to people who will know how to help you. In the meantime here is a number that will help you to find what you need. It is a toll free number so it will not show up on your phone bill at home. You can also call the number from a pay phone for free if you can't call from home. Also...be carefull not to let anyone at your house see that you are on your computer looking for help, that may make them hurt you again. If you need to know how to take care of this on your computer ask the people at this free # how to do it and they will help you with that.The number is for Child Help USA 1-800-4AChild or the website is www.childhelpusa.org I hope that you will get help as soon as you can. Parents who do this usually will never stop unless someone makes them stop! If you need more help from us, you can reach us by this e-mail or at our website. Take care of yourself and good luck, Lee Newman Executive Director:Violence Intervention Program President: SAFE-NH (Stop Abuse For Everyone-NH Chapter www.VIP-NH.org

-- Anonymous, July 24, 2003