I have 3 children 9-10-14 I am also in a alcoholic abussive relationship with my husband of 11 years. I cant take anymore. My kids are old enough to know what is going on. I also have panic disorder and that makes me co dependent and stay. If I dont get help somehow, Im afrain I will end up dead or in a mental hospital....Because he is driving me crazy with mental andvrbal abuse. he spits in my face, breaks my keyboard etc, it goes on. well my problem is. I am in a perfect area for my children, there frieds and schools are here. I dont want to leave my area. I am on permanent disability and cant afford a place on my own for ,y children and I. He hasnt worked since jan203 and is an alcoholic. I am always asked why do you stay with him, you are so beutiful and such a nice person and the kids dont need to be around it. Well, easier said than done. I have NO resouces, we have 2 children together, finacially we own our home. I am so scared and confused. my kids would blame me and hate me if we left. I cant deal with my children alone, he is the diciplinary. I wish I was able to afford my own home for my children and I on my own. I have many panic attacs and he knows that henders me and takes advantage of it. He just left drinking 12:00 at night. the last time he did this he went to 3 bars and got a dui a 4:00 am. he us now driving withouttagss he doesnt care if my kids and I eat or not. I need a friend to talk to or help please. Want a divorce but have no $. Sincerely, MElody

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2003

Answers

Melody,

Honey, there ARE places out there where you can get help. I lived in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic for 3 years. I didn't think I could leave either. I felt so alone. I felt if I stayed I was going to die. Not only possibly by his hand but because I thought I was going nuts and I would die from all the anxiety I was going through. YOU are STRONGER than you are giving yourself credit for. I did it. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back, the baby and her small diaper bag. I was scared to death of the unknown. I had to stay at the battered womens shelter which was very tough but I got through it. If you do go to a facility like that, they help you find housing and a host of other things. You would qualify for a public defender for your divorce. There are all kinds of programs out there to help you out. You deserve better. You know that or you wouldn't have found and posted on this web site. Nobody can tell you when you are ready to take that leap, only you know that. It took me 3 years. But, I knew when it was time. It's almost like a timer goes off and you just know. Life is to short not to be happy. That is a fact. Your children deserve a healthy childhood. You can be their protector, they will respect you for that in the years to come. By the way, the house is just a thing. You don't NEED that home. Just like the saying goes, Home is Where the Heart is. Good luck to you!

Brenda

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2003