Hey, Im with a girl that I love, and she somtimes hits me, or slaps me, or kicks me. Its somewhat sarcastic when she does it but she gets to a point that I'm almost scared. Its ruining our relationship and I dont know what to do. I've gotten to a point that when she tries to hug me or kiss me, I flinch. I dont know what to do. When she does it, it leaves marks and she just reacts and is so surprised at what she just did that she tells me she loves and how she wont do it again and how sorry she is. She feels like she cant control it... whats happending to her.. what should I do?

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2003

Answers

When she hits you just hit her back, jokingly. If she is shocked just tell her you're only playing around, just like she is. Eventually she will get the idea and stop.

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2003

Whatever you do, DO take it seriously. If you're already flinching when she tries to give you a hug, that sounds like a serious problem. My girlfriend would "sometimes" hit me, only she did it out of great anger. Those "sometimes" quickly turned into "all-the- times" when I did or said nothing to make sure it stopped. Though, when I tried, it never did any good...

But please take it seriously, Nathan. If she loves you, she'll listen and make changes accordingly. If she laughs at you and makes you feel embarassed for bringing it up, maybe you should rethink why you're with her...

Good luck, and take make sure you're taken care of before you start sacrificing yourself for others you love.

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2003

My best advice to you is leave. She is an abuser, my brother married a girl who would do the same thing you are describing and now he is in the process of divorce and is working very hard at becoming a survivor. You should look at the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website before you go any further with your relationship. You should run fast and far from this woman because she will continue to hurt you more and more and so it will be your fault....

There is help available for male victims and You are one.

-- Anonymous, June 17, 2003

Jenny, you are wrong to assert that Nathan would be at fault for her abuse should he not leave immediately. No victim is ever at fault when it comes to the abuse he or she recieves. He has made a point of expressing his love toward her and evidently wishes to mend the relationship, rather than sever all ties.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2003

Nathan,I am living a similar situation with my wife, it's been over a year since she started abusing verbally, emotionally and then escalated to physical abuse. I was arrested because I got tired, and one day after she clubed me over the head wtih a candle and punched me, I pushed her away from me, defending myself, and called the police for help, and they arrested me as well as her. After that things kept getting worse, went to the police and was no help, so I decided to get divorced, I am doing my own divroce and so far things are ok. I do think that you should do something about the abuse as soon as possible, because you can run my same luck: waiting for her to change and didn't, it got worse. Good Luck and God bless you!

-- Anonymous, July 07, 2003

Go to the local police or sherrif's dept. and tell what's going on. Don't tell her you are doing so or she could go and file a counter charge making false allegations. Then try and get the hell out. That isn't love. You are in severe danger. Be glad you don't have children with her.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2003

my boyfriend hit me 2 i told him if he ever did it again I would leave well he did stop but now its verbal And i dont like it one bit he talks bad about me in front of whoever he dont care he says he is jokeing but i know its not funny it is very hurtful its like he don't care if i have feelings are not he is older then me he has 10 yrs on me but sometimes i feel like the relationship goes good he is like im sorry i love you i dont know why i did that to you but he does and this past week i told him enough is enough it stops or im leaving

-- Anonymous, July 26, 2003

Wise up and get alifE whaT ARE YOU GOING 652*+32H*23+96(2589S45- O+1R56+RY0 WHEN SHE PULLS A KNIFE OUT\Z

-- Anonymous, July 30, 2003