REALITY ------ -I LOST MY BEST FRIEND TO CIRROSIS LAST WEEK --MY 52 YEAR OLD FRIEND GERALD....MY QUESTION IS -WHERE ARE MY FEELINGS? WHERE ARE THE TEARS? -BEFORE CT/RT , I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED MYSELF TO CRY AND GO ON A FANTASTIC BENDER- ESSPECIALLY ON ALCHOHOL ,AS THIS WAS GERALD'S FAVORITE DRINK-AND WHAT KILLED HIM --THO I KNOW THAT I CHOSE NOT TO DEPRESS ABOUT LIFE ANY MORE- I DIDNT KNOW I WOULD SACRIFICE MY BASIC FEELINGS TO THE EXTENT THAT I DONT FEEL BAD WHEN MY CLOSEST FRIEND GOES UNDER ! -I DONT FEEL NUMB -OR UPSET OR EMPTY -I AM HAPPY AND WELL ADJUSTED[AS MY BEST FRIEND IS ROTTING IN THE GROUND]NOR DO I FEEL GUILTY IN ANY WAY ...AM I AS INHUMAN AS I FEEL RIGHT NOW -OR AM I THE NEW "REALITY THERAPY-STYLE MOURNER" WHERE I SMILE AND SAY "WELL GERALD'S GONE- NO USE CRYIN ABOUT IT" ---ANYBODY !!! WHERE DID MY EMOTIONS GO WHEN I BECAME REALITY THERAPY "CURED.??? PLEASE HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND THIS-I HAVE EXPERIENCED DEATH BEFORE- BUT NOT LIKE THIS-NOT WITHOUT ANY EFFECT ON ME ! PLEASE HELP !!!---ZINAROO EMAIL= ZINAROOZ@YAHOO.COM

-- JULIAN PORTER (zinarooz@yahoo.com), April 04, 2003

Answers

I dont think you are any of the negative labels you have ascribed to yourself but I do think you are in the middle of the only gift your physiology can bestow on you at a time like this. It is not 'numbness' you have just reported that it is not.It is not really denial, you know full well the man has died,but it is a kind of "Time Out" that your body has prescribed for you until you have been helped by time to handle it better. Some authorities argue that it can be a year (or more) before the effects of a traumatic death are fully felt. I think that what may happen in your case is that gradually, and at times you really dont expect it, a host of feelings will to start come at you from left field. They will be accompanied by congruent thoughts and your physiology will swing in along with them. Knowing that this is likely to happen at least leaves you open to prepare for itand not be caught unaware when it comes . I say "may" happen because to make RULES for the way we are likely behave is a pretty pointless exercise. I am sorry that you have lost a good friendship.

-- ken lyons (kenlyon@gofree.indigio.ie), April 04, 2003.

Thank you so much for your help...I can discern the truth there..And I feel its validity- the Bells of Truth .... .Thanx again Ken,-Zinaroo

-- julian porter (zinarooz@yahoo.com), April 05, 2003.

Death means only a dimensionīs changing. Is that possible to think the corpse that lies in front of your eyes represents all a person was made of? Not talking about Kardecīs theory or something like that, we are not only a body made up of flesh. What does make our hearth beats? How to explain the circulatory system? We certainly are more than flesh. No matter the name we give to it. Vital energy, perhaps (the oriental "ki"), soul & spirit. We never die completely! As a matter of fact we a small piece of God. OK? A lot of health and inner peace for all that read this. Conrado depauloconrado@yahoo.com

-- conrado de paulo (depauloconrado@yahoo.com), February 21, 2004.