I need ot know if I am in an abusive relationship or not. Please don't be afraid to pull any punches, if my complaints are silly, please tell me. I am a young 24 year old male. I work in a nightclub as a bouncer and go to university full time in a Pre- Med program. I met a girl at school and had just come out of a really bad relationship. i was lonely, so said yes to her advances. At first it was wonderful. I felt as though I had met the girl of my dreams. Then the fighting started. When she gets angry she doesn't mince words. She insults and laughs at me and threatens me (nothing specific mind you). When angry at me she witholds affection and is incredibly disrespectful towards me. A couple of times she has physically injured me (not serious, but one time a blood inducing scratch, and she likes to hit me for fun) and when I asked for an apology, and responded to the pain inflicted, she gets mad at me and calls me pathetic, to the point where I end up apologizing to her for getting upset with her that she hit me. At the very mention of another girl in jut my classes, she gets upset, and never says sorry until I prompt her. I really do care for her and she is a beautiful woman. Am I in trouble? Or am I whining about nothing. Please respond. Anybody, with anything.

-- Anonymous, February 23, 2003

Answers

Peter,It sounds like you already feel that you are being abused. Let me ask you,if a friend told you these things were happening to him...what would you think? What would you say to him? How would his "story" make you feel? Men are actually abused almost as often as women physically and as often as women in other ways including emotionally and mentally. You are not alone,and this is abuse. I don't know where you are from but there is assistance available to help you sort out what decisions you may want to consider to keep yourself safe and to possibly keep this from continuing.No one deserves to be abused...even a man.This situation will only get worse over time if it continues in this way.You may get in touch with us at our website www.violenceinterventionprogram.net and we may be able to refer you to assistance in your area or if you are from our area we can assist you directly.You may also get information on our site regarding The Battered Men's Helpline which is a 24 hour helpline available to you if you need to speak with someone.If you are being assaulted,remember that physical assault is against the law! Therefore if you need immediate assistance,call your Police Dept.they may not always be "sympathetic" but as a citizen they are bound by law to protect you and must take a report from you regarding the "incident". I hope that you will contact us for further assistance. Take care,Peter,and be SAFE, Lee Newman Executive Director: Violence Intervention Program President: SAFE-NH Chapter www.violenceinterventionprogram.net

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2003

Peter, if what you say is true, you are NOT "whining about nothing". To review: she insults you, laughs at you, threatens you, has physically injured you, and ridicules you when you suggest she apologize for hurting you. You haven't mentioned her good points, and so this is all I have to go on. If a male were doing all of this to a female, he'd get little sympathy. I suggest you use the resources you can find on this site, and that you reassess your involvement with this person. It sounds to me as though she just wants someone to have as a punching bag, verbal and physical. Please don't feel as though your complaints are silly; you are a human being and should be treated as such.

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2003

Peter, sounds like an abusive relationship. If you care to email me giving me your permission I can email you some lessons I teach on Domestic Violence Relationships. I teach this class in our county jail and often folks tell me they never realized what they were dealing with is abusive. Take care.

Sam Hunter

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2003

Peter, No question is ever a silly question. Abuse is emotional, physical, sexual. What you have expressed has indicated forms of abuse. You are not alone and reaching out for support is a first step. Listen to yourself. No one deserves to be treated poorly by another person. You can visit our website at www.violenceinterventionprogram.net and our links to some suggested reading materials and support groups.

Take Care Debra Roy Violence Intervention Program SAFE-New Hampshire

-- Anonymous, March 08, 2003

Hi Peter. Would you want to live the rest of your life in this situation? RUN!! Run as fast as you can AWAY from this dominating and domaneering female. If you don't you can expect the abuse to get only worse. She has a severe mental problem and you won't ever change her. I can't imagine anybody treating another human being the way you describe.

-- Anonymous, March 08, 2003

Thank you so much all of you, I am in the process of getting out and hopefully will be completely free very soon. I appreciate the honesty and class everyone here has treated me with as well as the compassion and sympathy. Gos bless you all.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2003

Hi Peter, I have to give you tons of credit for getting out of your abusive relationship. Though the process may be a difficult one, I know you have the strength to achieve your goal. I also wanted to let you know that you have support here at the school if you need it. Please contact me if you need to just chat, need some guidance, or anything. I'd like to hear how things go for you, if possible. Take care, good luck, and God bless...

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2003