After concluding my business meeting at the Loews Hotel on Saturday, December14 I attended the Philadelphia Conference Lay Meeting at Mother Bethel. In addition to providing a fine luncheon the organizers, Sisters Early (Ekklesia AMEC) and Armstrong (Mother Bethel) sponsored a play about the Nativity story from an interesting African American perspective. Believe it or not, the Director of the play approached me about filling in for one of the characters, King Herod. Now this particular Herod happens to be one of the most reprehensible personalities recorded in the Sacred Text. Although I have some thespian talents and do look like several prominent Hollywood actors :-), I was initially reluctant considering I would have to perform without any rehearsal plus portray a character whose immorality ranked with vile characters like Kings Manasseh, Ahab and the Benjamite rapists (see Judges Ch. 19). But, since the Director had great confidence in my acting abilities (significant considering we only met 1 minute prior to the invite) and I am familiar with the Nativity story recorded in the Gospels of St. Matthew & Dr. Luke, I said why not and proceeded to take my place with the other cast members. Needless to say, by the Grace of God, the play was a success and I even received the equivalent of several "curtain calls" for my stand-in performance. I suppose the moral to my story is always be ready to lend assistance because a plea for help can and will come in the most unpredictable way. QED

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2002

Answers

I must say that you never cease to amaze us Prof. Bill "Shaft" Dickens! I can not wait to see your performance when it comes out on DVD! However, you forgot to mention how many persons sought your autograph! Congratulations are in order...and it is a blessing to have one as yourself to "step right in" and lend support! And to actually know the material..."go 'head my brotha and represent!"

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2002

Dear Bill I too want to cngratulate you on your performance. And thanks for being a servant of God and stepping in help with the play. I love the fact that you are not in the first district but stepped in any way that is true connectionalism. Oh, we are doing a musical at our church this Sunday what time will you be flying into Bozeman, Montana. And yes we do have an airport. Merry christmas Bill you rock and I am thankful you are my biological brother;-)

-- Anonymous, December 16, 2002

Oh, I forgot to mention I would like to take on the duties of Bill Dickens personal manager. Therefore Bill is now available for plays, concerts, recording contracts and film roles. I would also like to say to the representatives for Halle Berry, we have to decline your offer for Bill Dickens to star in the next James Bond movie along with Halle Berry. And to the producers of the sequel to Barbershop, I am sorry Mr. Dickens will only accept leading roles and will not do ensemble movies. I was quite saddened to hear Arnold Schwartzeneger crying on the phone begging Bill Dickens to be in Terminator 3. Sorry tears will not change our mind. And to J-Lo, Ha, no Mr. Dickens will not appear in your next video, and PLEASE stop asking Bill Dickens to do Old Navy commercials. It is beneath him. We will consider projects worthy of the unique talents of Mr. Dickens and of course food must be provided along with a sizeable check for work. We would at this time like to thank the the group Destiny Child for designing Bill Dickens fan web page. For those that would like an autograph picture of this incredible star, please send sweet potato pie, spare ribs, peach cobbler, junior's cheesecake, home made chocolate cake, and pork roast sandwhiches to:

Bill is the greatest actor in the world Inc. P.O Box 123 Ilovetoeat, MN 23456

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2002

Parsons Allen & Rogers: Your collective imagination is truly amazing!! I typically do not engage in autograph signing because it tends to foster an atmosphere of celebrity seekers. I'm much too modest and humble for that (LOL). Denise, thanks for agreeing to serve as my agent. Unfortunately, due to your discriminatory decisions, I regret to announce that your services are no longer needed. I welcome and fully support an opportunity to star opposite Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce' Knowles and other leading ladies of Tinseltown. Since I am a man of considerable self-control, it would be un-Christian of me to exclude these individuals. How are they to learn about economics, statistics and AME protocol if they are not in my company? :-) QED

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2002

Oh, my goodness! I have been fired after only one day of being Bill Dickens manger. That's o.k brother Bill if you cannot understand how I was trying to hold out for the remake of the "heehaw tv show" or how I was trying to build you up so that Bernie Mac would ask you to be on his show. That's o.k! K-mart even called to ask about your availability for the blue light special commercials and their joe boxer commercials. And I had you booked for a concert with the new and improved Boys to Men. O.k I will take my palm pilot, day planner, and map of the world. And I am going to make a star out of Ray Allen. And Bill don't come crying to me, when you realize I had brokered a deal for you to be a guest star in the next Lord of the ring movies. To all of Bill's groupies there will be an expose on Entertainment tonight regarding Bill Dickens unusual demands for star treatment such as asking for presweetened cool-aid and beef jerky before he performs.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2002

Pastor Denise, don't be talkin' about me like that. He is going to be just fine, with his talented self.

Bill's Groupie.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2002

Dear Bill and Brenda, I am so sorry I did not give Bill Dickens the respect that a humble man of his stature deserves. Bill Dickens is truly talented and gifted. He thinks of others and he helps old people across the streets. Bill Dickens should have won the academy award this year. To all of Bill Dickens groupie(s) I am deeply sorry if I offended the most amazing, talented Mr. Dickens.

*Editor Note: The words typed above were typed out of fear that at general conference I would get no food. In no way do the above statement reflect my true feelings. I am only trying to garner a space in the bar-b-que line at general conference;-)

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2002