Desperate: Partner of 18 yrs.. married for 18 mths.No kids Wife had affair and left with boss Mortgage in her sole name ( huge mistake ) I am still in house Have registered with land registry 15 mths ago wife will not reply or co-operate in any way with regard divorce or financial matters. Going through the court process.. dont have her address lenders Woolwich now have thier solicitors dealing with it. 15MTHS arrears. They wont talk to me or allow me to to pay arrears.Only my wife Mortgage is 35k~house is worth 95k I am in going to the court hearing for repossession on 10TH DEC I offered in writing to pay double payments:They wont listen I expect court process (divorce) to take another 4-6mths to conclude without her co-operation. I can if needed raise the 35k to pay them off but would need deeds tranfered in my name.otherwise i have paid her house off! I could then sell it my self and divide it fair thro solicitors. I can if need be pay off all the arrears £1800.00 I can if need be pay the mortgage until its sorted ( divorce)

What are my options.. Can i stop them takin my home from under me.Is it legal that they can refuse my payments as her husband in a divorce because i am not on the mortgage ? I find this law system totally mad.This person is deliberately destroying my life and i am helpless.please reply ASAP

Thankyou for reading this.

-- Michael Williams (sprintex@aol.com), November 16, 2002

Answers

Your message annoys me, you abviously are not short of a few bob if as you say you can pay double the mortgage payments and even pay off the whole 35K if needed. Why not invest some cash in getting some top legal advice, after all with what you have got to gain it must be worth it.

-- julie (julie@thecarepractice.co.uk), November 16, 2002.

Annoys me ! how dare you make a response like that.You presume alot.And judge even more.Yes i can get access to money if i borrow even more! I imagine you could to and most others. My credits cards are being battered.I am paying all the joint debts.My brother has offered to loan me if i need it very short term to simply get somewhere if possible.i am now unemployed due to stress.I have spent all i had 3k trying to get a divorce and a financial settlement.This woman is simply trying to destroy my life because her affair didnt work out and now its my fault cause i wont forgive.And that annoys you.I thought this was a site for help and advice.Not your personal opinion.

-- Michael Williams (sprintex@aol.com), November 16, 2002.

Michael,

You need to register a formal interest in the property (through the Court) first thing Monday morning. This may or may not allow you to stall the sale, but it's worth a shot. I'm not sure if that is what you said you have already done. The Lender's are notorious for ignoring offers to remedy when they see money in theor pockets. They stand to gain by the repo, simply because of the equity. Your wife is entitled to the balnace after they deduct costs, but I woudl guess some of that is rightly yours after 18 years of a relationship. The repo hearing will go ahead, but the judge may allow you to get a lien in absentia against your wife's asset - i.e the house. At least then you will get some of the money. You really do need a solicitor to deal with this case. Best of luck.

-- Too scared to say (iwasduped@yahoo.com), November 16, 2002.

I am afraid your the one who is making assumptions, the majority of people on this site have at some time been repossessed,therefore unlike you do not hold credit cards or have access to credit. You say your wife left 15mths ago and there is 15mths arrears, well why havent you been paying the mortgage since she left, or did you expect her to pay it for you whilst you were living there. Dont say the Woolwich wont accept it (I paid the mortgage on my family home for 3years when my Husband left, that was soley in his name, THe B/S are not aware who is paying it) Just pay off the arrears and keep up the payments until your Divorce. To know of the arrears and pending Posession hearing you must be aware of the account no etc and probably still receiving the mail for your wife at that address. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Also remember when you come on to this site to ask for advice, whatever advice anyone is giving you is only their personal opinion.

PS. You sound like a person with a very negative/wimpish attitude and i think i can understand why your wife looked elsewhere.

-- julie (julie@thecarepractice.co.uk), November 16, 2002.

Julie,

I know where you are coming from, in relation to other members hurt and pain on the repo'd house. If his wife has caused this man grief why should we twist a knife? If he has been 'stuffed' by his wife then you and I should leave this out in our comments. We do not know the whole story and I am sure you, I and other do not want to know Mr Williams divorce problems. I am also sure Mr Williams does not want to go through the whole lot either. May I ask a question and say that I find many women in the same predicament and we 99% of the time sympathise with them. Is it because he is a gentlemen we are rude too him because he should give himself a kick up the behind?

Michael, Julie is right you could have paid for the mortgage as the banks are not interested in who pays it either. What they will not do is act on your say so or instruction without authority. However legally you may have a declared interest and that could force the banks to deal with you (this is lengthy to find out though). If you have the mortgage details (and you should have some surely) then start paying them, if that is what you want, and apply a statement to the court stating your 'claim' to the property and that delay (adjournment) would assist you so that you are not thrown into the streets.

-- Geoff Winters (Geoff-winters@supadooper.com), November 17, 2002.

Geoff The question of his divorce, wifes affair and marital problems was brought to this board by himself (Michael)if he doesnt want people commenting on it why mention it. He has built up 15mths of arrears since his wife left when he was by his own admission able to pay them easily. He doesnt need sympathy he needs as you say ...a kick up the arse.

julie

-- julie (julie@thecarepractice.co.uk), November 17, 2002.

Julie,

I don't know why you have chosen this man as a target, but your personal opinion of him is, in this case, not really relevant. He has come to the site for an opinion on his options regarding REPOSSESSION. A common thread here. He does not deserve a personal assault on his lifestyle.

He has not made stupid comments about where to find repossessed property, or been inconsiderate to others on this site in any way. The fact that he is able to find financial assistance is no reason to attack him.

I too have been on the other end of your brusque tone, which is not appreciated, we should not feel that we cannot ask questions (even if they are stupid) or offer advice for fear of terse replies. It would be appreciated that if you can offer no constructive answers, then keep your thoughts to yourself.

Tracey

-- One Angry Mother (madcow678@hotmail.com), November 18, 2002.

Tracey You got it in one, he came on to the site asking for advice which is peoples personal opinions, thats what he got, my personal opinion was that he should pay off the arrears, and not have such a defeatish/ wimpish manner. Note he has suddenly gone quiet on this board and resorted to personal replies to me. What is it they say: The Truth Hurts.

Julie

-- julie (julie@thecarep[ractice.co.uk), November 18, 2002.

Julie,

Forgive me, but I thought the purpose of the site was to offer personal views about repossession, not to assault other people's shortcomings. I for one am please that this man has chosen to take his replies to you off-site, because I am not interested in either of your opinions of each other.

Some people cannot see the wood for the trees and molehills do become mountains, others have a natural ability to see solutions without too much effort. That is why this site is so good. What one cannot see, another can.

I do not particularly wish to start another slanging match with you, therefore, this is the last I will say on the matter. I hope that we see Michael back on the site because at the end of the day, we all are, or have been in the same boat regarding unfair treatment by mortgage lenders, and by swapping thoughts/stories, hopefully we can stop their arrogance and help each other.

Tracey

-- One Angry Mother (madcow678@hotmail.com), November 18, 2002.

Julie (my namesake),

You just seem to be very angry person, wanting to blame others. I personally find your comments, like Geoff and Tracy said, sexist and you are the one who needs to move on. If a man had said this to a woman we'd all get it sorted. Now push off.

-- Julie Widrowe-Smyth (Jwidrowe-smyth@aol.com), November 18, 2002.

Tracy Make your mind up: If you are not interested in our opinions, why the hell are you replying to them.

julie

-- julie (Julie@thecarepractice.co.uk), November 18, 2002.

-- Julie Widrowe-Smyth Your message doesnt even warrant a reply.

-- julie (julie@thecarepractice.co.uk), November 18, 2002.

Hi Michael,

I am sorry to hear of all the hassles. I know when someone has an affair it is often difficult to think on a day to day basis however I am sure if you have the mortgage account number as others have said you can contribute towards it even though it is in your wife's sole name. As her husband you must have a very good chance of having a vested interest and you need to deal with a solicitor who has vast experience of this as I am sure you must have numerous rights, something which, believe it or not, you have none if you are not married and not on the mortgage/deeds. You don't mention whether or not you are on the deeds of the property, if you are then this is a very good sign, if not then unfortunately you are going to have a fight on your hands, however the court system will be the only way through this. Please don't let this person destroy you. I spent a long and wearisome 5 years fighting my ex after he left with my best friend, he is still, unsuccessfully trying to hurt me and failing miserably. My fiance (yes I'm getting married again despite everything) lost his house through his ex-wife's extra-marital affair but there is life on the other side. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you in the end.

-- Chris (chris@anon.co.uk), November 18, 2002.

Julie (at the care practice)

I do try, where possible, to give my point in a fair and reasonable manner, without making assumptions or reference to the personal defects of others. However, I agree with Julie Widrowe-Smyth. You do sound very bitter, sexist and unreasonably offensive towards this gentleman and now anyone else who happens to disagree with you. Perhaps it was because of this attitude of yours that YOUR husband left you, although I am sure, it wasn't your fault!

Before criticising others, you would do well to turn that very unforgiving mindset you have on yourself and wonder if perhaps you could have done or said things differently.

Regarding your comment about myself not being interested in other peoples opinions, I *AM* interested in the opinions of others, but only when they are applied with logic and reason, not childish rants that I would expect to hear in a playground full of 10 year olds.

As for Julie Widrowe-Smyth's comments not warranting a reply, would that be because to quote yourself : the truth hurts.

If you wish to continue with this infantile game, count me out. I can see no reason to even read your replies, because I have no interest in any of *YOUR* opinions.

Tracey

-- One Angry Mother (madcow678@hotmail.com), November 18, 2002.

Well firstly thanks for the help .Just to make the point i am not in emails with Julie.I did send 1 which simply said (You make me smile dude .)nothing else.To clarify:I have a solicitor ( family Law ) that obviously dosnt specialise in repossessions.A recent letter has left me with no way to contact my ex wife~her solicitor no longer represent her.shes has moved jobs etc,disappeared.I am not on the deeds to the house hence why this has come about.We are married tho.I do have the account number to the mortgage.Can some one clarify if i pay the arrears to the account the case cant go to court even tho a date is set.Within the divorce i believe eventually i can get things done by a judge regardless of her co-operation.If the house does get taken what happens.. is it sold substancially cheaper.The assetts in the house cover many of the debts we have in joint names.which i cant escape or cover for much longer.I imagine most here have been in the same situation at the start of this problem.Can i ask the court to make an order that if no co-operation the house be sold on the market and assetts divided as they do ( even tho i am not on the deeds )? i would willing sell it today if possible.

-- Michael (sprintex@aol.com), November 18, 2002.

Revenge

-- simon (joebloggs12345@hotmail.com), November 18, 2002.

Hi,

I think it would be a good sign if you paid the arrears but I would definitely check with the solicitor that you are not just lining her pockets and check regarding the Building Soc/Bank taking the case to court, although I don't think it would be likely if the arrears have been paid. If the house is repossessed you would not be responsible for any of it as you are not on the deeds or the mortgage however if there is equity in the house I would be willing to state that I am almost sure you should be entitled to something. When I went through my divorce I got a clean break order as my solicitor told me of a case of a couple who got a divorce in the 70s, no kids, flat in London split down the middle went their own separate ways and then 15 years later, after he had made himself a million in the meat trade market she came back and got a substantial payout!! Incredible I know it is like a minefield out there. If you have a family law lawyer he should be able to sort out the financial side for you, mine did and he was wonderful, if you can tell on the site whereabouts you reside and you are anywhere near me I will send you his details. As I say double check about the arrears, if you were both on the deeds/mortgage and you had no young children you could sell no problem but I don't think this will apply in your case as you are not named on the property. Good luck.

-- Chris (chris@anon.co.uk), November 19, 2002.

I have read all of the postings on here and I must agree that it is a shame that a person cannot ask a civilised question without being abused by a not so well intentiond abusive fool, I always think that good manners and being civil to other people costs nothing but benefits us all. Nice to see that at least a few people took the time to try to help a troubled soul,we can only hope that the aforementioned fool finds out that "you reap what you sow"[if there is any justice]!!!

-- David (stitsevol@aol.com), November 29, 2002.