I am posting this on behalf of my father. For several years (over seven), my mother has viciously verbally abused him, along with some physical abuse as well (shoving, slapping, etc.). He turns to drinking massive amounts of ethanol (anti-freeze) in attempts to resolve his depression and agitation. I can only imagine how much damage this does to his liver...

I wish it were, but I don't believe leaving is an option, as both my parents are severely in debt and my father would have no place to turn (apart from an alleyway) should they divorce. Her abuse (at its worst) sometimes occurs behind my back (treating him like dirt in my presence the majority of the time merely to humiliate him), so I am not given much of a chance to intervene.

Counseling is also out of the question, as my mother has seen two psychiatrists and has failed to improve her ways. My parents together have also attended marriage counseling (which proved futile). As for my father, every psychiatrist he turns to makes the situation out to seem as if he is to blame for my mother's mental imbalances (depression, along with severe high blood pressure) and actions. He has been violent in the past, but in response to her violence most the time.

As it is evident that my father's life is endangered by his intake of ethanol, I'm not certain where to turn or how to react to the situation beyond attempting to speak to my mother (which fails to change any detail of her demeanor). Attempts to discourage my father's ethanol habits also go to waste.

Any advice, or sources for help are more than welcome...

-- Anonymous, August 09, 2002

Answers

There are many programs available to help the abuser and the victim. My boyfriend entered a batterers' program and through the same agency free counseling was available to me because I was eligible through the crime victim program. My boyfriend was required to cut through his denial, blame and minimizing which helped him realize the damage that he has done. Myself I was in a group and individual counseling. The group helped me from being isolated and gave me the support I needed to recognize that what I endured was not just my fault and that other people shared similar experiences as I did. Even though I am not with the same person I have opened my eyes and learned to become assertive and break away from this unhealthy relationship. Since we do have children together I need to maintain civilness with him and learning not to repeat the unhealthy patterns.

I wish you all the best....

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2002