i lived with my mom being beat by my dad for as long as i can remember. two years ago they got devorced. i am seeing warning signs in myself that i know i am not strong enough to stand up for myself, i have already let a guy hit my really hard, and yet i worship him. i know its wrong. but im so weak, im scared that i will not be able to leave an abusive relationship. im not in one currently, but i when i am. i just, know ill think im in love, and i wont be able to leave him. im so afraid for myself i dont know how to help myself. and its hard because i am so negative about myslef i have no confidence in me what so ever. please help.

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2002

Answers

Look sweet heart you are far to young to have so many worries. The first thing you need to do is love yourself first. If you dont love yourself there is no man in this world that will truly love or appreciate you for who you really are. I have a lot of life experience and let me tell once a guy knows how weak and vulnerable you are they are going to use that to pull you in and take advantage of you. They will tell you how pretty, smart and sweet you are just to get what they want and then they will either become abusive or leave you when they get what they want or find someone knew. So my advise to you is not to worry about being in a relationship right now. You are only fifteen and have your whole life ahead of you. Go to school get you diploma then go to college and get a couple of degrees and make something of yourself. Also, dont let anyone ever discourage you or put you down and make you feel less of a person. Love yourself and then you wont being worrying about heading into an abusive relationship. Remember this loving yourself is the key to true happieness. If you need any more advise e-mail me at bigbeefyam2002F@yahoo.com

-- Anonymous, July 31, 2002

Hi there -- If you think you have no confidence now, just wait until you've let yourself live with abuse for awhile. You will disappear from yourself. There is deep within you a child -- a little six or seven year old girl, who looks up to you to take care of her, to be there for her when she needs help. I would like to suggest that when you are temped to let someone take advantage of you, you think about this little girl -- if it were in your power to stop, would you let people take advantage, hurt or even beat her? I doubt it.

The next time someone tries to hurt you, please think about this little girl, deep within you -- and do what you would do, if she were looking up at you -- counting on you to have the courage and strength to help her. Because in fact, you do have that courage and strength.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2002

i am 16 and i know where you are coming from, but my dad never hit my mom in front of me, but i was once with a guy who hit me and i couldnt get out of it he hit me and i was scared that if i broke up with him that he would do worse...and i was always scared he would break up with me until my mom helped me ..... you dont need that in your life...you deserve more than that and you should know that...

-- Anonymous, November 03, 2002