Joy's pointing out on the YaYa thread that we were havin a little fun with our dear Sheepish brought this to mind.

Teasing is one of those subjects that is so influenced by our upbringing I think. I came from a family that does a lot of teasing; every one of us is a smartass, and that's what we're used to. On the other hand, Bren was not raised with any of that kinda stuff, so we had a lot of problems early on with her getting angry or defensive cuz of my facetious comments, or just goofin around which she took seriously, even when she tried not to. In fact, after 27 years, there is still quite a remnant of that within her, and I and the girls often have to state out loud WE ARE TEASING, or JUST KIDDING, which kinda ruins the whole point, but necessary to prevent hurt feelings.

Bren has this feeling, even though she understands intellectually the other side, that teasing is always mean! I think her parents only teased her in a mean way, so coming from that its easy to understand I guess. My family teases in a loving way (well most of the time!), which is something that was totally foreign to her. In fact, I would never tease someone I didn't feel I knew well enough to feel safe to do so, cuz I wouldn't know them well enough to determine if they would be offended or amused. I do make mistakes in this department, however, thinking I know someone well enough, but finding I was wrong when they go stomping off, or roll their eyes, or whatever else stops communication. Fact is I made a joke to someone I was feeling comfortable with on this very forum once, and they havent spoken to me since. At least that is the reason I have heard from others, since I have had no direct communication from them.

So I guess my guidelines for teasing are, although they are certainly subconscious, is....... if I am saying something that could be taken as insensitive, critical or making fun of, then chances are 9 out of 10 that I am TEASING! And if I am teasing you, whoever you are, then you can be sure I am fond of you!

Any thoughts?

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2002

Answers

EM ,

Don't ever change your smartass attitude either. It's one of your best qualities . And the alternative is "dumbass" and that would never do :>)

Your perfect just the way you are. You'll always have me to listen. I may not share the same view, but I'll listen.

"One smartass to another"

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2002

I've been working at the pet store for five years now and my boss has finally gotten used to my personality. I have a dry sense of humor (with slightly sexual overtones) and some loud teasing thrown in to boot. It isn't unusual for me to yell something rediculous at him, like, "We have so much of this, why did you order more, are you stupid or something?" His son went, "Whoa" and stepped back. My boss went, "DUH?" See, told you he finally got it.

The main problem with teasing on the forum is that no one can hear your tone of voice to know you are kidding. I hate those little yellow faces but I know you are joking when they are in your letters. (They are always laughing at me) I usually do the :) myself.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2002

Garsh, Jay, I've never had anyone compliment my smart ass before!

Seriously, thanks for the kind words; they truly are appreciated!

I DO forget to use the emoticons frequently, but sometimes they just kinda ruin the whole thing too, same as havin to tell someone I'm kidding. I do try to always remember to include them in my emails to you, Dee, cuz we all know they're out to getcha. :)

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2002

I was teased a lot as a kid and even now. I do it too! I guess my rule is that if it would hurt me I don't tease. I am sensitive to weight cracks and remarks about my appearance. Very sensitive to that. As a result I don't make fat jokes except to one friend because she is ridiculously insensitive to how I feel so I fire them back at her. My husband is wonderful and I tease him awfully about his accent and his tendency to stammer when stuck on a thought ( a Porky Pig imitation usually comes out for that one and doesn't he get mad but in a fun way). I like the camaraderie we have here and how it allows us to tease one another in a friendly way.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2002

Hmm. I have spent the last half of my life (25 years) making amends for what I had reflexively wrought during the first half of my life (25 years, too.. See I can do the math!). I grew up in a pretty tease- accepting household, but my community and schools were merciless. Great pain. Ugly. Mean as hell.

I used to be snarlingly sarcastic, viscious, and obnoxious. It has taken a while (and I still don't do a great job of it) to learn to be, if not necessarily kind, at least respectful, to people. As you have read in some of my previous postings here (and at CS), I am likely to get snotty about something every once in a while, especially when I'm tired or stressed.

We all tease and get teased. Some of us do it more, some less. Some of us expect it, others don't. The good thing here is that we can pretty much accept each other, and if things get testy, we can usually get over it (with a couple of notable and unfortunate past experiences).

I like everyone here, and I hope the rest of you like me back (or at least some of you, anyway. Okay, a couple of you?). The teasing has been good-natured. The trouble with this communication mode is that we can't read body language or hear inflection, and we often post long after the rest of the thread has been posted to. I still think we do a good job of communication, given the limitations.

However, I'm leaving this forum, anyway, because you are all so low on the evolutionary wit chain, that what is supposed to pass for rapier-like, stabbing thrusts of genius merely come off as pathetic nibblings at the trough of utter mediocrity.

Aww, just teasing...! 8-)

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2002

Sheepish........".....rapier-like, stabbing thrusts of genius"?.....woo hoo........we have been insulted so melodiously, not to mention suggestively, how could we not love you?

I don't believe I've ever seen a post from you the least bit snotty, much less "snarlingly sarcastic, viscious, and obnoxious." I think you are a gem, very level headed, and exceedingly funny. (that'll be 25 dollars please)

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2002

Thanks, EM, for the thought provoking post, and thanks to you all for your replies.

This was well time for me, EM. I was severely chastised last night at a party for the teasing of my honey.

I too come from a family of smart assed teasers, and I am continuing the practice. My honey is not thrilled with this fact, but is generally a good sport, and even catches me off guard with a tease every so often.

Last night, this exceptionally agressive woman jumped my shit for making some dumb comment to my honey about talking too much (typical dumb male/female stuff). So she starts analysing me, analysing teasing (which she claimed is always MEAN), and generally going on and on. I was caught up short for a few seconds, then started getting a bit pissed, but, strangely for me, bit my tongue until I thought about it a little.

This woman, it seems to me, is outwardly aggressive because she is inwardly feeling inferior, and makes up for it with this off the wall agressive attitude.

Anyway, I took pity on her, and merely told her she was over analysing the whole business, and I wasn't going to play the game.

My hon later praised me for the way I handled the situation.

My thanks to you is for pointing out so well that we all have different ways in dealing with good-natured teasing, and that some folks aren't used to it.

-- Anonymous, June 24, 2002

I wa schastised before for being mean to my husband! He and I just kinda were looking at this friend rather confused..he knew I was joking with him and took it as such whilst she ripped right into me. In my opinion, people outside the relationship, who are not privy to its customs, should shut the hell up and mind their own damn business unless they witness violence or something like that. Ribbing one another is often a loving thing even if it sounds mean spirited to another and my husband has been known to floor me with one on occassion. Its shocking but true!LOL My favorite times are when a smart assed comment from me will make him get defensive in a jokey way and we start wrestlin' around, giggling and fake fighting and then the kids come into it and its a family free for all of hugs and tickling. Sometimes we are just big kids at heart! Maybe teasing is a way for that to come out? Sheep, I have never noticed that your wits are all that rapier sharp!! Maybe a dull pen knife?? ROFL I'm more of a plastic butter knife meself ;o) plus I haven't ever noticed you as being snotty. I likes ya just the way you are. Same as everyone else here. Just as y'all are.

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2002

EM: If I thought I had $25, I'd be happy to send it to you (thanks!)...and with a tip, too!

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2002

Alison, nah, just dull ol' me.... plastic picnic cutlery at best. 8-)

Ah, this mellowness is gooooooood....!

-- Anonymous, June 25, 2002

"...because you are all so low on the evolutionary wit chain, that what is supposed to pass for rapier-like, stabbing thrusts of genius merely come off as pathetic nibblings at the trough of utter mediocrity."

Heepish, I'm impressed, almost beyond words! That was great paragraph! I'm not only impressed that you wrote it but that I understood it! That "Hooked on Phonics" course has really increased my comprehension level. Before I ordered the course, I wouldn't have known I was being insulted! I was a LOT happier back then. I certainly wouldn't recommend the course to anyone who's happy. Ignorance is bliss!

Wildman, (his most blissful)

-- Anonymous, June 26, 2002

Have you seen the bumper sticker "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic!" :>

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2002

Gee, Sherri...maybe I oughta become more ignorant :-)!!

If I remember my childhood correctly, I was teased quite alot by my older sister's friends. And then, once I entered my teen years, I got my share of teasing from the boys who couldn't understand why I preferred shoveling horse shit from the barn stalls where I worked rather than "exploring" the hay lofts!! But most of my school years were relatively tease-free since I tended to be more of a loner and just had a few good friends that I hung out with. I think that both Harry and I can take alot of teasing...heck we're still getting razzed by family 'cause we try to keep our Y2K supplies up to date!! But we'll just see who gets the last laugh :-)!!!

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2002

Sherri, I'm not QUITE to that stage yet! And what's the down side of this ultimate stage? Other than I wouldn't be able to leave the house!

Wildman, (waiting for more than bliss)

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2002

Not sure if wether a person grew up with teasing makes a difference or not. I grew up in a house where I was rarely teased up to the age of 8, then I was never teased by family again. The reason for this is that my 2 brothers and 1 sister had all left home by the time I turned 8. My parents never ever teased me.

I think I equate teasing with being mean, because many kids at school were so horribly mean. I can take teasing from people who make it completely clear they are teasing. The people who sound like they mean it just piss me off. My husband is one of the latter. He'll wait until I'm ready to stab him with a kitchen knife to tell me he's teasing. Not very smart on his part I don't think!

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2002