Now, you have to know that my son is graduating from the 8th grade and he has a dance, which I had to find matching pants for his jacket, and help set up the hall, along with graduation ceremony coming up. A friend's son graduated from college and invited us to this big sitdown dinner (it was like a fancy wedding) so I was getting ready for that.

Okay, yesterday since we were going to that party, he asked if I wanted my anniversary gift now to wear. Ooops, anniversary? I'm sorry, I forgot to get you a card and gift....Then, to top it off, I didn't like it. And he saw that I didn't like it. And since I'm so honest, I told him I didn't like it. He said everyone in work liked it but everyone in work doesn't have a farm to take care of and work in a pet store. It was a bangel braclet, not round, kinda flower shaped, gold tone with diamonds around the whole thing. No, not real gold or diamonds but still...

Now, I knew my anniversary was here but I just forgot to get a card and gift. To my credit though, I have been telling him for years that I don't want to exchange cards or gifts since we give each other stuff all year and my husband is the type that if he wants or needs something, he'll get it. So I never know what I could get him (he also always asks how much I spent on it because he usually can get it cheaper) It reached a point where I buy him Reeses peanutbutter cups for any holiday or occasion. How tired is that. And I know he loves me so why do I need a $5 card that tells me so. AND I asked him not to buy me jewelery since we never go anywhere anyway so I don't need anymore then what I have, flowers are nice. Gee, you'd think he'd realize I would have appreciated that goat boy I've been looking for more.

So, that is why I'm in the doghouse today.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2002

Answers

Poor Dee, I hope you've kissed and made up by now! I thought it was the GUYS who always got blamed for forgetting anniversaries, or ignoring them.

You know when someone says not to get them anything, I dont think most people really believe they mean it. (By the way, I'm with you on the bracelet, sounds hideous!) :)

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2002

You know, I thought everyone would be telling simular stories like we usually do to make me feel better. Guess everyone is doing stuff.

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2002

Dee, I had something very similar happen one Valentine's Day. Ex- hubby and I were the same way, whenever we wanted anything we just bought it, so gift giving occasions were difficult. I told him that I thought Valentine's day was silly and not to get me anything, but if he did have to get me something he should wait until the day after and buy some cheap roses. Instead he bought me a diamond tennis bracelet. I guess he believed the TV commercials that said it was the perfect gift for any woman. I was working in a medical lab where I had to wear gloves all of the time, so I never wore jewelry. Besides, the thing was god-awful ugly to boot. I tried to not let the disappointment show on my face but I didn't do a very good job.

Come to think of it, I exchanged pretty much every gift he bought for me during the 12 years of our marriage. I don't want to sound like I'm ungrateful, but when I say "it's the thought that counts", it would be nice if he actually did put some thought into the gift instead of just getting something convenient. A simple gift from the heart is much better than something extravagant that fits my needs and personality about as well as tits on a boar.

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2002

Yep, I've had similar things happen. We're the same in that we get what we need at the time we need it. But hubby finally asked me if I really meant it when I said I didn't want to exchange gifts or give cards for such things. So we don't anymore. We might go out to dinner or do something nice for each other that the other wanted at home these days in stead of gifts. For Mother's Day he hung the trim I had been wanting around the door and windows in our bedroom. So I think the key is really listening to and believing what the other person is saying.

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2002

Hey Dee, I just remembered something that is kinda sorta like you went through here. For many years at Christmas, when the kids went to pass out the gifts, I would have a whole bunch more in my pile than Bren. Why? Cuz I would buy her something nice, usually one thing she especially wanted. But she would get me several things, spend way more than we agreed to, and I always felt like a cheap jerk! Plus she put even more things in my stocking. She loves to fill the stockings, something I would only have done for the kids when they were little, which is kinda cute, but I always forget about buying things for the stockings, so she even buys stuff for her stocking! (feeling like a jerk again)

About five years ago I finally started giving her several gifts too; it irritates me a tad, but I dont want her to think I don't care, if that indeed is what it is about. I still forget about the stocking stuffers tho.

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2002

This is at a bit of a tangent to your post Dee, and intersects Earthmama's somewhere along the line (geometry was never my strong suit).

Not being married, I haven't had to deal with the situation exactly as you have, however, our Christmas gift exchanges in the family had gotten rather stiff once most of us had gotten out of college. People were spending a lot of money and trying to find something for everyone and not really doing a very good job of it in many cases (Joy and I could always find things the other would like easily enough, but the rest could be hard). We'd also found that there wasn't really that much that any of us Needed (as opposed to Wanted) anymore.

Eventually we called a halt to the gifts. I was of the opinion that if people wanted to unwrap presents on christmas, they should buy themselves what they wanted, wrap it, and then they'd get exactly what they wanted, in exactly the right size and color. That's how I got the power cable Dremel drill I wanted. It's really hard to convince people that you would be thrilled to death with a new washing machine rather than a fur coat, and that a ergonomic snowshovel is more useful than a bottle of perfume.

It's kind of hard at this point dealing with your husband's hurt feelings and how to mend them. Anything special that you can do for him for an Un-Anniversary celebration?

Poor Dee...

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2002

I had a few old cards that I saved in my drawer without a date on them. too bad I didn't remember that at the time. I found an old Father's day card that neither of us remembered saying, "I love you, even though you fart in bed." Good one.

He took the barcelet back and didn't give me anything in return so that makes us even. He did admit it was gaudy but everyone else thought it was beautiful so he thought he was wrong.

I've been forgiven but I did get him those Reese's peanutbutter cups for Father's Day.

-- Anonymous, June 15, 2002