I need help. Me and my mom were both verbally and physically abused by my stepdad. He always slapped me around, called me names, sometimes he would threaten my life like "You'll do what I say or i'll beat your ass!!!" He used to force me to work all the time, such as doing wood for no, or little money. He aalways insulted my mom like saying "Can't you do anything right? Your so fucking stupid!!!" He said this to me to. One day he became so violent I ran down the road to a friends house. He also harrased me all the time, like when he was driving me to my friends house, he would pick on me like a school yard bully. That night I tried to kill myself. My friends stopped me though. He always embaressed me in front of my friends. One time he talked bad to my girlfriend behind my back, telling her I pick my nose, and stuff like that. She told me. One time he tried to choke me. As I got older, the abuse grew worse. He would punish me for things my sister did. He even called me a pussy for not wanting to drink beer. I did, and had a hangover the next day. I had a terrible stomach ache. After my mom finally divorced him, it didn't change a thing. He has tried to call my mom crazy, and insane. He told my sister that my mom did'nt love her. When I got back from my Indiana vacation, he asked me "Why didn't you take your sister with you? She has been sitting all summer with nothing to do. You are so irresponsible." One time he even pushed me up against a wall, and started calling me names. Another time he threw me and a couch, and told me if I moved he would hurt me. I then stared to avoid him as much as possible. I am seeing a counseler about it, but I am starting to have disturbing flashbacks about my stepfather. What should I do? I am only 15!!!

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2002

Answers

I read what your wrote and I don't understand some things. Please, don't get me wrong, I truly believe what you say about your step- father and know that you are the innocent victim. My question is this: If your mom divorced your step-dad why do you still have to see him. Is she still living with him?

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2002

My sister lives with him still. it is really complicated.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2002

Well, first you must always remember that it is not your fault and that it is not OK for someone to treat you like that. Your question is how to get over it. Well, you really don't. You can however grow from it. The single most important thing that you can do is to never, ever emulate that behavior. I'm not excusing the abuser (your step dad) but it is very probable that he was also abused himself as a child. Like so many other abused children, they grow up to become abusers. So I would say that if you can break the cycle and grow up to be kind and gentle, you would already be ahead of the game. Keep talking to your counseler, and rememmber to keep God in the loop as well. Know that you are important to so many people and someday you are going to make a difference in the world! Don't solve temporary problems withy permanent solutions, and someday you will be strong enough to confront the bully you speak of and tell him how much he hurt you. That in itself will be teh way you will eventually get over it. Stay strong and keep moving forward with your life. The best revenge is always living well.

-- Anonymous, October 06, 2002

Well see my stepdad beats me all the time. im only 14 going to be 15. i kinda need some help to. i go to a counceler all the time but he just talks about his life. last summer me and my friend stole a credit card and spent alot of money on the internet with it. i was so scared he tried to beat me so many times. other times he verbally abused me like callin me a slut and a whore and a prostitute and a no good bitch. my mom just agrees with him. On januaray 1 03 me and a friend went sledding my step dad told him to shut off the light well when we came home the light was still on and my friend was getting yelled at so i stepped in ad asked my stepdad if he was perfect and he got up and grabbed my neck and slammed me against the door i couldnt talk or breath. then i was leaving and i called him a asshole and he came after me and threw me on the floor my mom just watched then he let me up and i went to the couch and started crying he came up to me and told me that if he was a kid and i rolled my eyes he slapped me acrost the face burised the whole side and broke my nose. he said it wasnt abuse. i dunno if it was or not because i was being really mouthy. well i taled to my friend that was a cop at the time and she came and got me. she siad it was then i talked to a person from the department of family services and she said it wasnt i am so confused! maby u can help me i hope so please e-mail me soon before it happens again!

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2003

If he does it again call 241 kids and try to put that a-hole in jail 4 all he's done to you!!! Good Luck!!!

-- Anonymous, April 26, 2003