Hello everyone, I have been dreaming about this for years. we have the chance to move out of the city. It is small, a 3 BDR and 5 acres about an hour and a half from where we are now. The nearest town is either 20 miles one way or 40 the other. But the rent is only 200$ a month. The house needs work the landloard is willing to deduct it from the rent though. Or we can possibly buy with owner financing he might even be willing to chop the asking price in 1/2 cause the house needs work. But I'll be dammed I'm am scared! Of leaving my mom and sister behind. Of being alone at night when hubby is working or at school or of just being overwhelmed. Of it all!! My best friend will be only one mile away but that is it, no one else to help me. We are both young: my husband and I 23 and 25 and have lived on our own since age 18 but never this far away. What is wrong with me, I really do want this. Can anyone offer any advice or something to help me. This will not be our ending place but our starting place. I'm afraid I'll talk myself out of it. Jenn

-- Jennifer (jfisher4@midsouth.rr.com), April 25, 2002

Answers

Jenn, sounds like a shot at your dreams. You could always play the little game that I am a champion at. What is the worse thing that could happen??? You would hate it and have to move back to the city?? I don't think it is uncommon to get cold feet when it comes to major life style changes, but having a close friend near by sounds like a big plus.

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), April 25, 2002.

Jenn, I think it sounds perfect! You will be so busy, you won't have time to get homesick, and it's really not that far from your Mom and sister. They will be able to come see you too! As for being alone at night, get a good dog. I just hope you try it, you'll never know til you do. Best wishes and keep us posted.

-- cowgirlone in ok (cowgirlone47@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

Thank you cowgirlalone, I have been waiting to see if 'get a gun' came up before 'get a dog'!

Yes Jennifer, get a good dog, they are not human companions but being alone with a dog is not the same as being alone.

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), April 25, 2002.

Ho dear, what sort of slip was that? Of course I meant 'cowgirlone', sorry.

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), April 25, 2002.

Jennifer, always remember the roads go both ways. If you don't like it you can always move back. If you don't even try though you may always wonder. I say go for it!! Good luck! Stace

-- Stace (stacey@lakesideinternet.com), April 25, 2002.

Now that you mention it John............No, I guess a dog would be a better companion. LOL!

-- cowgirlone in ok (cowgirlone47@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

Oh my, don't I know how you feel! In July, we left great paying jobs, our family, friends, and church behind to our new homestead where we did not know one soul and had no job. It really IS scarey! But you know what? I have not regretted one thing! All the worries just seem to fall into place and things just come together.

The worst thing that can happen is it doesn't work out and you give it all up and move back. No...that is not the "worst" thing. You know what would be the worst???? Having your dream right in front of you and never grabbing it!!! That is one you will regret for the rest of your life because you may never get another shot at it!

There are so many people who would give anything in this world to be in your position! Grab it before it is too late!

-- Karen (mountains_mama2@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

Be sure and get a written contract from the landlord.a landlord's attitude and rent can change,once the property looks better,with your hard work. Oral contracts are not a good idea,on rentals.Good luck .go for it.

-- jes (jesswagler@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

I agree about the dog, but get a gun too if you can handle it. It sure gives peace of mind. I say go for it, and get to know your neighbors and get involved in your community. People in the country tend to help each other. Help them out when you can, offer to, or just let them know you will be a good neighbor. They will be there for you when and if you need them. So, you really aren't alone in the country at all. Feel better?

-- SteveD(TX) (smdann@swbell.net), April 25, 2002.

Rent the place for awhile and see what you think. With your feelings in an uproar about not even sure if you can do it or not, buying would be a big mistake. And from the sounds of the place you will be able to buy just as easily a year from now.

Get A BIG dog. But remember if you have to go back to the city that you will need to do something with the dog one way or another.

But, hey, you won't be going back. :)

-- Jennifer L. (Northern NYS) (jlance@nospammail.com), April 25, 2002.

Oh Jennifer, give it a try. You'll always reget it if you don't. One suggestion I would make to you is don't burn your bridges behind you. Make it known to one and all that this is something you've always wanted to try. Let them know if it doesn't work out like you're hoping that you'll be back. That way you can come back with no excuses and a smile on your face and say "well, it wasn't for me". If it does work out for you all the better. We took the plunge years ago and never (well seldom) looked back!

Give it a try!!!

-- Anna in Iowa (countryanna54@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

Oh Jennifer,,do give it a go! Change can be scary,,but life is constantly changing,,as you will notice in years to come. **This is a chance to make your dream come true,,don't let it slip by.

When I first moved to the booneys (years ago) I had my kids and was alone most of the time..my ex worked far away in the big city all week. I had my kids and dogs and a shotgun. Didn''t know a soul. but I have always been adventurous and loved the country, so I was determined, and soon I felt right at home..got some horses, dug gardens,,etc. Keeping busy will help a lot. Hope you go for it,if not tell me where it is I may come and rent it,,haha,,,,Patsy

-- Patsy, MT (cozyhollow-gal@care2.com), April 25, 2002.

Here's my test for a tough decision.

Imagine the decision was in the hands of some unimpeachable authority figure. Kind of like a parent or a teacher saying you MUST do this and you can't get around my authority to make you do so.

First, imagine that person telling you: YOU HAVE TO DO THE HOMESTEAD.

Think about your reactions to that.

Now imagine that someone saying YOU CANNOT DO THE HOMESTEAD.

Think about your reactions to THAT.

Which reaction has more disappointment in it? I hope that helps show you what you really want, despite all the fears. Fear is a good thing to pay attention to, but not always obey.

-- brooklynsheep (robbins@informinc.org), April 25, 2002.

Honey, Hubby and I packed all we owned in a u-haul, and went1450 miles away from every bit of family, freinds, and the only town we'd ever lived in! It's a good thing!

-- Novina in ND (homespun@stellarnet.com), April 25, 2002.

Jennifer, no one can decide but you. We thought about it for years, finally got fed up being homesteaders at heart in yuppieland and moved to a farm. Should have done it years ago. I have met great people with similar values, etc. There is an hour commute to work but its a nice drive, not stoplight after stoplight and ugly scenery. The place we bought was so bad I threw up for 2 days and wondered what the heck we had gotten into, however my husband is handy and after he got the mechanics of the house in order it was quite comfy.I really came to appreciate heat, hot water and septic! Our kids have room to play and roam and yell like kids should. It's still a mess (falling plaster, barns in serious need of repair) but it will eventually get done. I just wish we would have done it when we were younger. The joints and muscles ache and you just get tired quicker when you're older. Then you go out on the porch, look at the Milky Way that you never saw in the city, and drink a glass of

-- J.S. (stoom2@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit, moved to the Washington, DC area, and then on to our homestead (been here 20 years now). It was different to say the least. We seemed to find an excuse to go to town for "something" every evening (town is 17 miles either way). It took us a while to get used to it. Now we do our best NOT to go to town and to consolidate our trips. We love it here. We have two daughters, various animals, a big garden, fruit and nut trees, a house in constant need of repair, actually lots of things always in need of repair; fences, mowers, cars, etc. I can't imagine how I lived the city life for all the years I did. Give it a try--and give it some time--everything new takes getting used too. Best Wishes!

-- Sharon (cheesyemailaddy@notreal.com), April 25, 2002.

Jennifer,

It's always scarry to change the status quo. But the only way you accomplish anything in life is to do just that. If pursuing your dream of life in the country is what you truly desire then you need to go for it. Yes, it will be different but you'll learn a lot about yourself, and life doing it. NOTHING worth having comes easy....an old quote but seems accurate. Read, learn and enjoy the new life. You may be uncertain about some things, but heck that's just a part of living. A dog does make a good companion, but if you've never owned one it takes some getting used to. Good Luck!

-- Deborah (bearwaoman@Yahoo.com), April 25, 2002.

Jennifer, you'll do just fine! DO get everything in writing though like someone mentioned. As for being alone, girl, there is nothing out here to be afraid of! I've been alone Monday through Friday for months at a time and I'd say just get a dog and learn to handle a gun. My 9 millimeter is just my own little hunk of peace of mind. We've been out here for about nine years and I remember the same feelings you talked about. Just go with your gut feelings. God bless! Let us know how you're doing.

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

This is how we started out! Go for it girl! There is more to worry about in town than there ever will be out in the sticks. Get a big dog-- or two. Even a little yippy one will raise a ruckus if something that shouldn't be there comes to visit. Most of my "bogey men in the dark" turned out to be 'possums trying to get in the hen house..... 5 acres is not a plantation but it is a good place to start and is plenty. Your friend is a mile away---- heck, I can holler that far!! lol!!! Around our house, that would be too close. Get some of those 2 way personal radios if you are going to be on your own if it would make you feel safer. They have a range of about 2 miles. Rent for a while, get everything in writing and get ready for an adventure!

-- Tana Mc (mcfarm@totelcsi.net), April 25, 2002.

I agree with everyone else. If you don't at least give it a try with renting you will regret it. DO get things in writing. If you're going to improve the place the landlord could up your rent or kick you out and rent at a higher rate to someone else. Don't waste YOUR money on someone else's property unless you have it in writing that you will have first chance on buying the property. A big dog is a great comfort. My big dog is a Rottie/Retriever mix and looks like a black lab. She weighs about 90 to 100 lbs. Everyone that comes here is scared to death of her. Truth is, she's more scared of them. My little 5 lb. Malteese is the biter!

-- Sheila in NC (nannie@intrstar.net), April 25, 2002.

Everyone's given you great advise and I'm going to repeat them-GO FOR IT!! You have a great opportunity that alot of people would love to have(myself included). There's nothing wrong with being scared but there's something else you said-you really want this. that says it all right there. Put a phone in then you're never alone. If it gets too lonely,scary or overwhelming call someone or get to this forum- there's always someone here.

I had an opportunity to buy a piece of property that I was living in at the time(when I was in my 20's) and chose not to. I thought ah I'm young why would I want this? Well years later I still kick myself occasionally for passing it up.

Go, have fun-20 miles to town is not far and 1 mile from a best friend is great and 1 1/2 hours from family can be a good thing.:) Do like someone else mentioned though and get the agreement in writing, especially selling for 1/2 price.

-- Terri in WV (mrs_swift_26547@yahoo.com), April 25, 2002.

If you don't go for it you may one day (20-30years from now) say, "I wished I would have moved to the country when I had a chance". You are both still young so there is plenty of time rethink and move back to the city if the country is not what you expect. Just keep in mind, do things one at a time, examine, perfect or abort, and then move on to the next project. Don't jump in full force or you may think it is too much and not worth it.

-- r.h. in okla. (rhays@sstelco.com), April 25, 2002.

When my DH went on the road some years back it WAS a littly spooky, but I found my dog to be a great comfort. Actually, he was a TINY dog, but he knew the difference between a person walking up the drive and a branch in the wind. If I heard frightening sound, I just looked at the dog, who was usually asleep. If he was snoring, I knew it was nothing. If he came awake with a jerk, I could expect the door bell to ring in a couple of seconds. He was never wrong. He was a blessing and a comfort, and he slept on the bed when my DH was out of town. I knew he would wake me up if there was trouble. I suppose in the country it would help if the dog was at least medium sized, though. I imagine a pekenese trying to run off a coyote would NOT work out very well!

-- Terri (hooperterri@prodigy.net), April 25, 2002.

You know the old sayings.."If you keep on doing what you are doing the results will never change" and " If you never try you will never know". I remember when we moved out to our place over 20 years ago. No neighbors...I didn't think anything of it. Busy with 2 girls and the house. My husband just mentioned the other night he thought we lived a million miles away from civilization and didn't know if we had made the right decesion..well we certainly did. Give it a try...you can always sell after a couple of years. Good Luck !!

-- Helena, (windyacs@npacc.net), April 25, 2002.

Lots of great answers! The 2 way radio was Genius. I agree with Jess too. ALWAYS get it in writing. Buying is almost always the way to go. You can sell if you decied to leave and you may even make some money on it. If your not sure get a rent with an option to buy after one year.(YOUR option) My dad is a real estate lawyer and he has first hand expirence with landlords trying to cheat you. He is dealing with our last landlord right now who doesn't want to give us out deposit back even though the place was in great shape when we left. Never underestimate the power of GREED! When you get there make friends with the neibors and find a church(if your a church goer). My daughter used to live 2 hours from me and we took turns every other weekend visiting each other. I understand it is scarey but it is worth it.

-- buffy (buffyannjones@hotmail.com), April 26, 2002.

When we lived in St. Louis, we lived 45 minutes from my parents and just around the corner from my sister and niece. My husband got a job offer in NC, and we decided to go for it. It was a nice enough raise for him that I could stay at home with the children and we loved the area. (We had gone to school here years ago.)

It was an incredibly difficult decision to leave family and friends. We cut our income in half (I made more than my husband), and I left a career that will be all but impossible for me to return to making anything even close to what I was making at the time I left. My husband's job was with a start-up company, and we worried that the company might not make it. BUT, it allowed me to stay at home and raise the children. We figured that we weren't getting any younger, and the older you get, the more difficult it seems to be to make big changes and take risks. We figured that at 35 and 40, we had enough time to recover if this turned out to be a financial disaster. At 23 and 25, you're in a good position to make changes. {grin}

The way I've always made tough decisions is to think of the worst case scenario . . . will you feel worse if you moved to the country and had a miserable time of it for a year OR will you feel worse if you stayed put and always regretted not having taken the chance? Only you can answer that question.

As for us, we're going on five years living out in the boonies, and we love it. My family thinks I'm somewhat crazy--I think my recent acquisition of 15 chickens has only reinforced that. They call me "Earth Woman," but with fondness. {lol} Seriously, it's the best thing that could have happened for our family, my marriage and me--as I type this, I'm sitting on the front porch with my laptop watching the horses grazing. My black lab is curled at my feet and the birds are singing. I really need to get moving . . . time to check on my garden before it gets too hot out there.

-- Julie in NC (jwoessner@rtmx.net), April 26, 2002.

When you achieve your dream sometimes it seems too good to be true. Go for it. If you hate it you can always sell or do something else. You'll be fine. Finer than frog hair... Ever seen frog hair? It's Fineeeeeee. Good luck, grasshopper. Enjoy and be fruitful.

-- Gailann Schrader (gtschrader@aol.com), April 26, 2002.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to add that yes, get a dog. AND if you are really starved for civilization, DirectTV is available everywhere. Costs $45ish a month, but worth some of the DIY and stuff. And you'll find that you watch it less and less and the moon, stars, sunsets, happiness/chaos on the homestead more and more.

-- Gailann Schrader (gtschrader@aol.com), April 26, 2002.

Good gravy Jennifer, at least you have a man. I'm gonna do it by myself and I'm no spring chicken either. You are young, strong and not alone. Go for it.

-- Susan in Michigan (cobwoman@yahoo.com), April 27, 2002.

Ah, Jennifer, you may have the fortunate/misfortunate experience of mine. I braved moving into 2 mostly wooded acres, I braved and prayed against meeting Rattlesnakes, Yellow Jackets nests, Big Ugly Banana Spider webs and what ever else varmit there was out there. I prayed a lot. Never met Mr. Rattlesnake, almost put my face into YJ nest, and almost walked into Mr. Ugly Banana Spider web. I was "saved" each time. Worse than that! The County has connected one main road to another and now my once quiet country existenance, has turned into the roar of wheels on asphalt. Would I give up the peace and quiet and privacy? No!, I love it. Well, not to delay you, Dogs are a comfort, but knowing how to shoot a gun is more comforting. Get thee to a shooting range...

-- My Story (andIam@sticking.com), April 27, 2002.

90 minutes is not That Far Away...perhaps your family will want to come visit...probably spend the night every so often.

Especially if they can help plant and reap fresh vegies from a garden.

You just might find some new friends that are down the road a piece...

-- BC (katnip364@aol.com), April 28, 2002.