Corinthian League Match 6

29 March 2002, Everton at SJP, 6-2, get in! 2 goals for Nobby and 1 each for O'Brien, Bernard, Cort and Shearer saw off the Toffees in style and signalled the end of our slump.

This has also seen a whole slew of really convincing scores in this set of fixtures....

Premiership

Home			Away
Dynamo Seghill	8	6	Brewery Droopers
East Hepple Harriers	3	6	Bokbefok
Fatfield Fantoms	5	6	Mortlake Mags
Fumblebuck United	3	3	Oooarya Oooarya FC
Kegsy's Kickabouts	8	8	Pilgrim's Converts
Unreal Whalemeat	1	8	Barton's Samba
Wallsend Old Boys	5	7	The CosmoStars
Yelli's Yobs	2	5	Real Gone Kid

Division 1

Home			Away
Deportivo la Cramlington	4	3	Cunning Linguists
Douglas All Boys	2	8	Blaydon Racers
Fife Flyers	2	3	Minnesota Fatties
Garcia's Missing Finger	8	2	Preston Big End
MinesaS&N Academicals	5	2	Raphael's Rovers
Wandering Athletic	9	5	Baltimorons
Wark This Way	5	11	The SuperTarts
Wellfield Wanderers	4	3	Spayne

It's beginning to appear as though Preston Big End have taken up their manager's habit of leaving before the final whistle ;-) Tsk tsk

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Answers

Tables

Premiership
Team	Manager	Pld	HW	HD	HL	HF	HA	AW	AD	AL	AF	AA	GF	Pts	GD
Dynamo Seghill	jonno	6	5	1	0	23	14	0	0	0	0	0	23	16	9
Brewery Droopers	Pete Miller	6	4	0	0	16	11	1	0	1	9	10	25	15	4
Kegsy's Kickabouts	Kegsy	6	4	2	0	27	21	0	0	0	0	0	27	14	6
Fatfield Fantoms	Pit Bill	6	4	1	1	21	17	0	0	0	0	0	21	13	4
Barton's Samba	Barton	6	1	1	1	9	9	2	1	0	18	8	27	11	10
Fumblebuck United	Galaxy	6	3	2	1	22	16	0	0	0	0	0	22	11	6
Mortlake Mags	Dan	6	0	0	0	0	0	3	0	3	17	20	17	9	-3
Real Gone Kid	SellElena	6	0	0	0	0	0	2	1	3	18	17	18	7	1
Bokbefok	Bok	6	1	0	1	5	5	1	1	2	13	12	18	7	1
Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	6	2	1	2	19	18	0	0	1	3	4	22	7	0
Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	6	0	0	0	0	0	1	3	2	20	23	20	6	-3
The CosmoStars	PeteT	6	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	4	20	24	20	6	-4
Unreal Whalemeat	Josh	6	0	0	1	1	8	2	0	3	18	19	19	6	-8
Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	6	1	0	2	12	16	0	1	2	7	9	19	4	-6
East Hepple Harriers	True	6	1	0	5	16	25	0	0	0	0	0	16	3	-9
Oooarya Oooarya FC	gus	6	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	5	17	25	17	1	-8

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Division 1
Team	Manager	Pld	HW	HD	HL	HF	HA	AW	AD	AL	AF	AA	GF	Pts	GD
Garcia's Missing Finger	Tony Green Jnr	6	5	1	0	23	10	0	0	0	0	0	23	16	13
Deportivo la Cramlington	Andy	6	4	0	2	20	15	0	0	0	0	0	20	12	5
Minnesota Fatties	Screacher	6	0	0	0	0	0	4	0	2	17	17	17	12	0
Cunning Linguists	Kennyboy	6	3	1	0	14	9	0	1	1	5	6	19	11	4
Fife Flyers	macbeth	6	3	2	1	18	14	0	0	0	0	0	18	11	4
Wark This Way	Bobby	6	1	1	1	11	15	2	1	0	8	6	19	11	- 2
The SuperTarts	Steph	6	0	0	0	0	0	3	1	2	23	17	23	10	6
MinesaS&N Academicals	Muzzainoz	6	3	1	2	17	13	0	0	0	0	0	17	10	4
Blaydon Racers	Geordie	6	0	1	1	4	5	2	1	1	15	11	19	8	3
Wandering Athletic	Paul	6	1	0	0	9	5	1	1	3	13	15	22	7	2
Baltimorons	Ciara	6	1	1	1	8	6	0	2	1	9	13	17	6	-2
Wellfield Wanderers	Softie	6	1	2	2	12	15	0	1	0	2	2	14	6	-3
Douglas All Boys	Gibbo	6	2	0	4	16	23	0	0	0	0	0	16	6	-7
Raphael's Rovers	Nick Raphael	6	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	4	13	19	13	4	-6
Spayne	Garcie	6	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	5	9	17	9	3	-8
Preston Big End	Clarky	6	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	5	14	27	14	1	-13

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

:o{(

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Can't argue with a 9-5 win now can we?

The 8-8 draw in the Premier League must have been some game.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

That's Entertainment! :o))

PS - How about publishing the list of players - not that any of us should need it!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

The Fatties just go marching waddling along. Another fine away performance takes them to with GD of an automatic promotion spot. Eee - it's a piece of cake, this footie stuff. Just wait until we play in front of our home fan at the Pudding Bowl.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Ahm tekking me baal hyem - ahm not playin wi yee lot any more. So, there!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Seems like ye haven't been playing much already Clarky :)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

What? Ye've ahnly get one baal?

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

I tell you what - why don't you ask Gus for some advice? After all, he's got a better GD than you!!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Screach - Just remember bonny lad, while you're busy crowing, it's a long season, and it ain't all ower till the fat blerk sings! ;o{)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Right, that's the last warning to Pilgrim for Wengerisms. Any more nit-picking from you and I'll deduct points (on purpose for a change!).

Playername	Status	Pts
Given	Started	2
Distin	Started	2
O'Brien A	Started	4
Dabizas	Started	2
Hughes	Started	2
Robert	Started	2
Bernard	Substitute	3
Jenas	Started	2
Dyer	Started	2
Acuna	Substitute	1
Solano	Started	6
Shearer	Started	4
Cort	Started	4
Lua Lua	Substitute	1

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Hey Gus was lucky tonight.......pinned us down when I was in my cups! Lucky point I would say, but fancy taking advantage of a weakened side.....I defy anyone to play well after the divine white chocolate mouse, moose....aw... whatever, I was talked into having for dessert! I think I might just sulk and eat my complimentary chocolates, and plan our strategy for the away leg!!!(:o)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Gibbo gubbed ;-)

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

It's beginning to appear as though Preston Big End have taken up their manager's habit of leaving before the final whistle ;-) Tsk tsk

ROTFLMAO Softie!!!!

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Actually that reminds me of another revelation Clarky afforded us in the Blackburn-bound Stealth Astra last night! Apparently the poor lad spent several hours working out the best line up for the Big End team. LOL! I think it must have been that Intertoe-to-toe competition that's held them back.

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

Manager Jonno was wheeled before the assembled Press corps to give his first interview since Dynamo Seghill topped the Premiership. Speaking to a host of journalists from as far afield as the Hexham Courant, The Consett and Stanley Advertiser and The Blyth News, a misty eyed Jonno, tears streaming down his face, apologised for having hay fever.

The 149 year old maestro of the game he has graced for so long smiled beatifically as the questions rained in. He had unfortunately forgotten his hearing aid and was not aware of any of the questions being asked. "Yes it's marvellous to be back here - I can remember when this was aaall fields you know" he said pointing to some fields. "I can remember me dad - or was it me mam - finishing work at the pit on a Saturday and taking me along to see Seaton Delaval play - and now I'm back here at the club I love - what's that? - this is Seghill? Aye well I often get them 2 mixed up.

You have to remember that when I came here 3 seasons ago - what's that? - oh right when I came here last season, this club was going nowhere fast. We had a ground that was a laughing stock - there was even a disused mine shaft in one of the penalty areas. We just used to shout down it and up would come a footballer, having just climbed back up to the top after falling down there in the last match.

But this public deserves a winning team and I'll not be retiring until I've brought some - what's it called again? - aye silverware to this club. Well them plastic spoons the lads are eating their dinners with just now aren't good enough man. I think we're good enough to -" at this point Jonno dozed off and was wheeled away by two very attractive young nurses with whom he has been linked in the tabloid press recently.

The Chronic says - GIVE THIS MAN A KNIGHTHOOD NOW, although when recently asked by our reporter if he felt he would like one, Jonno simply replied that he was quite warm enough in bed - "They've put central heating in all these houses now you know - there's no need to put a hood on at all".

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

9 goals allowed??? The 'morons defence lives up to the team name. :-(

-- Anonymous, April 24, 2002

11 to the bad! Just keeping on Wark-ing, lads, right down to the dole office

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2002

Two wins on the bounce and mockery of Dan's team selection seems to have evaporated. Meanwhile, Mortlake Mags' floating pitch, the SS St. James', has been converted into a giant one of those things that you tilt to make a ball bearing run round a maze without dropping through any of the holes. The groundstaff are furious, but the clubs commercial manager has decided that since there appears to be no prospect of Mortlake Mags ever playing a flippin' home game, they might as well use the pitch to generate some form of income and are charging urchins 50p a go, with the prize of a souvenir bag of glue for anyone who gets the giant marble to the centre spot.

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2002

8-8? What is this? Jumpers for goalposts?

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2002

'The Droopers played away from home for their second time this season, but lost their 100% record against Dynamo Seghill in a 14 goal classic that saw them temporarily usurped them at the top of the table' writes Phil O'Shyt from the Brewery News. 'What a match' the Droopers manager was heard to exclaim, slightly the worse for wear after seeing a 6 nil lead slip away. Windbag denied reports that the half time drinking session had effected the outcome, although saucessources close to the club revealed the intriguing incentive package from the sponsors, S&M Breweries, who are promoting their new chemically altered beer, (Mick) Wadsworth's Sick- sex, which they hope will corner the buoyant sports drink market. 'A finger each, for every goal scored before half time', wagered Fat Fingered Freddy, the Brewery Chairman with the unfeasibly fat fingers. After being assured that the fingering was just a means of measuring the amount needed to drink, Windbag agreed to the incentive package (as well as a brown paper package) behind the back ofon behalf of his players. Other reports, however, claim that this story is a complete fabrication as an attempt to justify the ineptness shown by the team in the second half. Personally, I blame the pitch. (P O'Shyt, Brewery News, 25th April)

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2002

On a weekend of record high scores, has a dope test been ordered for the Unreal Whalemeat team, who managed to find the net just once even with home advantage? I think we should be told. I wonder if Malaysian money is a suspect here.

-- Anonymous, April 25, 2002