OBSERVATIONS ! Conspiracy, We Must Stop This Have you ever noticed that when you get older everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW ......... even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here! All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! PS: I am sending this to you in a larger print, because something has caused all the print to be smaller than they once were Have you ever noticed that when you get older everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW ......... even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here! All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities. PS: I am sending this to you in a larger print, because something has caused all the print to be smaller than they once were

-- Ken in Maine (kenjan@pivot.net), April 22, 2002

Answers

See there's even a conspiracy here.... I only printed this once and hit the submit key only once but lo and behold it shows up twice... go figure.

-- Ken in Maine (kenjan@pivot.net), April 22, 2002.

I think you're on to something Ken! LOL!

-- cowgirlone in ok (cowgirlone47@hotmail.com), April 22, 2002.

No doubt in my mind, this is a CONSPIRACY!!!!! and it is very evil.

-- Marilyn in CO (www.tomeatbeef@aol.com), April 22, 2002.

I enjoy reading a good conspiracy theory. Seems that THEY are out to get us as we age all right. I'm 55 and most of those I meet that age do indeed look older than I do--well in my opinion. Wonder if they are thinking the same about me?

The following urls will take you to an interesting web site that has some really good conspiracy theories. The second url will take you directly to an interesting story about the Grand Canyon and Egyptian artifacts found there about 1909. As it is told, the Smithsonian retrieved artifacts, then eventually dumped them in the ocean in order to prevent having to rewrite history. Got your curosity up yet? Interesting whether you buy it or not.

http://www.lauralee.com/ Use the news section at the top. http://www.lauralee.com/news/grandcanyon.htm

-- Notforprint (Not@thekeyboard.com), April 22, 2002.

It's all in your head. I just heard about an experiment done in 1979. They took 2 groups of men, told them they got a free week vacation. One group stayed in the current time. No changes there. The other went to a village where everything was set in 1959. Houses, furniture, cars, television shows, newspapers, magazines, etc. They had to act as if it was 1959. (If your kid was born in 1960, he didn't exist!) Their aging bio-markers, like blood pressure, etc. improved dramatically. Just goes to show...you're only as young as you feel!

Thinking young...

Amy

-- Amy (kimico@aol.com), April 22, 2002.

Amy, I must tell my husband, who still acts like it is 1959 that that is why his BP etc. is so healthy?? ;>)

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), April 22, 2002.

Amy, I would not want to give up my daughter for anything, but I would love to go back to living in an older time. Told my cousin so just last week.

In some ways I do live in the past. I dislike changes in stores and especially hate the outragous prices. Think I will be barefoot before long as I just can't seem to justify paying 50% to 100% more for shoes than I did just 3 or 4 years ago.

I drive a 1949 Chevrolet truck that is very easy for me to work on when needed, but it rarely does. I snicker everytime a co-workers new modern vehicle is giving them problems that cost mega bucks to fix.

Ah yes, the simple life. Any of you neighbors care to join me on the front porch for a glass of lemonade or a cup of coffee and enjoy some conversation?

-- Notforprint (Not@thekeyboard.com), April 22, 2002.

Did you also ever notice that we women, who use to have beautiful arms, suddenly develope wing spans? And what is with men? They stop growing hair where they are suppose to and it starts shooting out where it is not suppose to in places like ears and noses.

-- Karen (mountains_mama2@hotmail.com), April 22, 2002.

The high cost of everything is my problem. When your brain is stuck in 1939 like mine you really have trouble !

-- George Wilson (cwwhtw@aol.com), April 22, 2002.

Thecost of everything is my problem. When your brain is stuck in 1939 like mine you really have trouble !

-- George Wilson (cwwhtw@aol.com), April 22, 2002.

I just KNOW that for the last few years they have been gradually increasing the gravity. It's some kind of secret weapon experiment.

-- Griff (griff@hangnail.com), April 22, 2002.

Hey Ken: I read your post and thought that you had probably already forgotten what you had just written and were repeating yourself. That happened with my grandaddy all the time...LOL!

-- Marie in Central WA (Mamafila@aol.com), April 22, 2002.

Karen...I loved your response!! It is sooo true!

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), April 22, 2002.

What's scary is that the DOCTORS are getting younger and younger everytime you look!

-- kim in CO (kimk61252@hotmail.com), April 22, 2002.

Your repeating yourself Ken.

-- Susan in Michigan (cobwoman@yahoo.com), April 22, 2002.