Corinthian League Match 4

28 December 1996, Spurs at SJP, 7-1. 2 each for Sir Les, Big Al and Rob Lee with the odd one from Albert. Keegan cited this match as the game he decided to leave the club after seeing the pain on Gerry Francis's face. Oh well, seemed like cracking good fun to the rest of us.

Playername	Status	Pts
Hislop	Started	2
Beresford	Started	2
Batty	Started	2
Peacock D	Started	2
Lee	Started	6
Beardsley	Started	2
Shearer	Started	6
Ferdinand	Started	6
Gillespie	Started	2
Clark	Substitute	1
Watson	Started	2
Albert	Started	4

Premiership

Home			Away
Brewery Droopers	4	3	Bokbefok
Dynamo Seghill	4	1	Mortlake Mags
East Hepple Harriers	6	4	Oooarya Oooarya FC
Fatfield Fantoms	3	3	Pilgrim's Converts
Fumblebuck United	4	4	Real Gone Kid
Kegsy's Kickabouts	5	3	The CosmoStars
Wallsend Old Boys	4	7	Barton's Samba
Yelli's Yobs	5	6	Unreal Whalemeat

The Brewery Droopers maintain the only 100% record in the league whilst OOFC (pronounced "Oh F*ck") have yet to pick up a point and rumours abound of a dream management team of Dalglish and Wadsworth being prepared to be parachuted in by management.

Division 1

Home			Away
Cunning Linguists	3	3	Blaydon Racers
Deportivo la Cramlington	4	5	Minnesota Fatties
Douglas All Boys	5	4	Preston Big End
Fife Flyers	4	4	Raphael's Rovers
Garcia's Missing Finger	4	1	Spayne
MinesaS&N Academicals	4	5	The SuperTarts
Wark This Way	3	3	Baltimorons
Wellfield Wanderers	2	5	Wandering Athletic

The Wanderers meet and it's my lot that crawl away to lick their wounds. Elsewhere the SuperTarts and the Fatties chalk up away wins in 9-goal fests.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Answers

Tables

Premiership
Team	Manager	Pld	HW	HD	HL	HF	HA	AW	AD	AL	AF	AA	GF	Pts	GD
Brewery Droopers	Pete Miller	4	4	0	0	16	11	0	0	0	0	0	16	12	5
Dynamo Seghill	jonno	4	3	1	0	13	7	0	0	0	0	0	13	10	6
Kegsy's Kickabouts	Kegsy	4	3	1	0	16	12	0	0	0	0	0	16	10	4
Fatfield Fantoms	Pit Bill	4	3	1	0	12	9	0	0	0	0	0	12	10	3
Barton's Samba	Barton	4	1	1	0	7	6	1	1	0	10	7	17	8	4
Fumblebuck United	Galaxy	4	2	1	1	15	12	0	0	0	0	0	15	7	3
Unreal Whalemeat	Josh	4	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	2	16	16	16	6	0
Pilgrim's Converts	Pilgrim	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	2	1	11	11	11	5	0
Real Gone Kid	SellElena	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	2	12	12	12	4	0
Yelli's Yobs	Yelli	4	1	1	1	12	12	0	0	1	3	4	15	4	-1
Bokbefok	Bok	4	1	0	1	5	5	0	1	1	6	7	11	4	-1
The CosmoStars	PeteT	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	3	12	14	12	3	-2
East Hepple Harriers	True	4	1	0	3	11	16	0	0	0	0	0	11	3	-5
Mortlake Mags	Dan	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	3	8	13	8	3	-5
Wallsend Old Boys	Hiro	4	0	0	1	4	7	0	1	2	7	9	11	1	-5
Oooarya Oooarya FC	gus	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	4	12	18	12	0	-6

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Division 1
Team	Manager	Pld	HW	HD	HL	HF	HA	AW	AD	AL	AF	AA	GF	Pts	GD
Garcia's Missing Finger	Tony Green Jnr	4	3	1	0	13	7	0	0	0	0	0	13	10	6
Cunning Linguists	Kennyboy	4	3	1	0	14	9	0	0	0	0	0	14	10	5
Fife Flyers	macbeth	4	2	2	0	13	10	0	0	0	0	0	13	8	3
Wark This Way	Bobby	4	0	1	0	3	3	2	1	0	8	6	11	8	2
Deportivo la Cramlington	Andy	4	2	0	2	12	11	0	0	0	0	0	12	6	1
Douglas All Boys	Gibbo	4	2	0	2	12	12	0	0	0	0	0	12	6	0
The SuperTarts	Steph	4	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	2	11	11	11	6	0
Baltimorons	Ciara	4	1	0	1	6	4	0	2	0	4	4	10	5	2
Blaydon Racers	Geordie	4	0	1	1	4	5	1	1	0	6	5	10	5	0
Wandering Athletic	Paul	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	2	12	12	12	4	0
MinesaS&N Academicals	Muzzainoz	4	1	1	2	11	11	0	0	0	0	0	11	4	0
Raphael's Rovers	Nick Raphael	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	2	10	12	10	4	-2
Minnesota Fatties	Screacher	4	0	0	1	4	5	1	0	2	6	9	10	3	-4
Spayne	Garcie	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	3	6	12	6	3	-6
Wellfield Wanderers	Softie	4	0	1	2	7	11	0	1	0	2	2	9	2	-4
Preston Big End	Clarky	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	3	11	15	11	1	-4

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Woohoo, The Fatties are rolling again winning a 9-goal thriller by the odd goal - well, to be honest, all our goals are odd. However, I think I have to draw attention to a miscalculation in Softie's spreadsheet. This was in fact our second away win of the season, having already stuffed the Blaydon Racers. Now, I'm not complaing - well, actually I am. Howay man, oull yer finger oot and get it sorted, other wise I'll get Pilgrim on my case.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Lucky to maintain our dignity and scrape a point - serious battling from Real Gone Kid, coupled with bad backs in the Fumblebuck ranks. I am prohibiting all forms of gardening the day before a match, so I shall be insisting on my boys abstaining from S.EX. (soil excavation) for a full 24 hours in preparation for the next game. (:o!

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Division 1
Team	Manager	Pld	HW	HD	HL	HF	HA	AW	AD	AL	AF	AA	GF	Pts	GD
Garcia's Missing Finger	Tony Green Jnr	4	3	1	0	13	7	0	0	0	0	0	13	10	6
Cunning Linguists	Kennyboy	4	3	1	0	14	9	0	0	0	0	0	14	10	5
Fife Flyers	macbeth	4	2	2	0	13	10	0	0	0	0	0	13	8	3
Wark This Way	Bobby	4	0	1	0	3	3	2	1	0	8	6	11	8	2
Deportivo la Cramlington	Andy	4	2	0	2	12	11	0	0	0	0	0	12	6	1
Douglas All Boys	Gibbo	4	2	0	2	12	12	0	0	0	0	0	12	6	0
The SuperTarts	Steph	4	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	2	11	11	11	6	0
Minnesota Fatties	Screacher	4	0	0	0	0	0	2	0	2	11	13	11	6	-2
Baltimorons	Ciara	4	1	0	1	6	4	0	2	0	4	4	10	5	2
Blaydon Racers	Geordie	4	0	1	1	4	5	1	1	0	6	5	10	5	0
Wandering Athletic	Paul	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	2	12	12	12	4	0
MinesaS&N Academicals	Muzzainoz	4	1	1	2	11	11	0	0	0	0	0	11	4	0
Raphael's Rovers	Nick Raphael	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	2	10	12	10	4	-2
Spayne	Garcie	4	0	0	0	0	0	1	0	3	6	12	6	3	-6
Wellfield Wanderers	Softie	4	0	1	2	7	11	0	1	0	2	2	9	2	-4
Preston Big End	Clarky	4	0	0	0	0	0	0	1	3	11	15	11	1	-4

Whinge moan complain carp

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Woohoo x2. We're in the middle of a purple patch. Just wait 'til we get to play at the Pudding Bowl where the world will hopefully be our oysters.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Oh yes, a 5-2 away win will do nicely Softie :)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

50% record in 4 away matches on the trot. Wait til we get you home - don't we all just hate them at once like Manure.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Softie - can you not put up a table displaying everyone's team selection? I can't remember who I picked, and I'd like to know why I'm so uniformly shite at this game.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Oooarya Oooarya have announced that despite 3 losses from three games they are behind the manager 100%. We have played 3 games away from home and scored 12 goals. While not securing a point.

The team know the value of away points and they are gutted, 3 of them never came back from the last match. I will do a head count and see how many get back this time. We are playing fast attacking entertaining football away from home, you cannot ask for more than that, unless its that the home team do not play faster, attackinger and entertaininger. The manager was quoted as saying seconds ago.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2002

Sadly dan this involves a table of 80 players and 32 teams and Greenspun can only display 1 league table at a time on a posting (which is only 16x16). For the record your team is:

Given, Harper
Barton, Charvet, Distin, R Elliott, Goma, Hughes, A O'Brien, Pearce
Batty, Clark, Dyer, Ginola, Hamann, Robert, Sellars, Tomasson
Bellamy, Cole, Cort, Ketsbaia

Perhaps some extra training is required, as I don't think any of your forwards have kicked a ball yet, which doesn't help.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Well we nearly gave the Cunning Linguist a good licking but we'll settle for an away point

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

and so you should , a very frigid defencive performance by the linguists. more training required in and around the box.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

It's good to see the continued unbeaten run of Wark This Way. Keeping in touch with the leaders and waiting to spring into top gear.

3 goals to the bad is less good. Bring back Darren Peacock! But cut that ponytail off!

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Hey Gus I'm not surprised your team have truble winning if they only turn up for three games when everyone else plays all four. So who had the easy game then :-)

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

I thin kits better that we have "secret" teams. After all, unless the rules change significantly next season, you could just pick the same as this season's winner. It would be different if we weren't allowed to have the same players in each team, but of course that's not possible. Keep it secret (although we'll all know not to select Dan's lot).

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Dan, can I ask if you genuinely expected success with a team sheet including Tommason and Ketsbaia? ;-)

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Played 4: Won 0: Drawn 1: Lost 3: Points 1.

Heads will roll!

:o{(

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Clarky

you have to blame the senior management of the club, the buck stops there, where is the plan for the future, very disappointing

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

30 games from 450 odd means that there is no recipe for success. This will change if I run another season since I want to go back to comparing the relative attack and defense points to get a score which does away with all these 5-4s. Two terrific sides will usually only be seperated by the single goal of the match (unless they all play like the Toon).

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Ah naa, ah naa - I'm deeing me best!

As you know, as well as being Chairman of the club, I'm also a fan. I can assure the supporters that I'm doing everything possible to turn this situation around. Why, me and young Douggie have even reduced the upcoming dividend by 2.35% in clear recognition of the present difficulties and our fiscal responsibilities.

I would ask the supporters to be patient, and recognise we are going through a period of restructuring and rebuilding, that will inevitably take a little time before we see the green shoots of recovery - erh, on the pitch, as it were. We are scouring the playing fields of North Shields, and even as far away as Porcy Main and Willington Quay to uncover new playing talent.

We remain convinced that success is just aroond the corner, leyk.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Yee were bliddy lucky to come away with a point from the Perc de Pints. The racers weren't prepared for such an early start to the season

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Clarky

congratulations on the attepmted insurance job last weekend, clearly it got slightly out of hand, but the obvious injection of cash that a big, totally unexpected, fire brings in must help your future finances. Now you've tried this twice I'd guess you probably shouldn't try it again for a while though.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

After Dan's carping it seems that Softie has singled him out for special humiliation with the publication of that team sheet ... :-)

After 9 opposition players have now gone MIA (missing in action) down the disused mine shaft at Seghill Wreck Creation ground, remedial action is now being taken. Seghill have signed Kenny Dalglish as manager and he is now hard at work looking at videos of planks that can be used to cover over this hazard, which we feel adds a degree of skill and excitement to the game, but seems to have upset our (surviving) opponents so far. It's a man's game you tossers. I have to say we're a little worried at the cost of some of these planks which are being brought in from places as far apart as Sweden, Holland and Bradford, and there have been calls from both of the fans to just fill the hole up with The Scottish Manager himself. Fans can be far too impatient. They might be in for a Ruud awakening if they keep up this sort of pressure. Mr Dalglish has a 5 year contract with us and it is impossible to imagine circumstances that would force a change in this policy, short of war, plague, earthquake - or defeat on Saturday.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Ah tell yer, yer try to clear a bit of derelict space in North Shields - in an environmentally-conscious way, leyk - so we can finally build the Big End Academy and yer get nowt but frigin grief.

Where yer supposed to find a 'green field' in North bloody Shields fer crying out loud? Ah divven knaa where wu ganna put the Haal 'o Fame, leyk!

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Howay man Clarky, fer cryin' oot loud (which ye seem to be deein' a lot of lately). If ye really want a green field fer yer accademy, there's one up here in Edwin's Kingdom you could use. Myund, there's a bit of a slope on it, but aah'm shure that'll mek nee diff'rence (indeed it cud be a big advantage) ti yer lot of owld donkeys.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Apparently EVERYBODY has an easy game against us Andy. As usual it has taken the press a week to realise they had my press release before releasing it themselves.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

I was just about to start celebrating when I realised we haven't played an away game yet. I hate peaking early ;-)

-- Anonymous, April 22, 2002