Corinthian League Revisited

Defenders		Midfielders		Forwards
Player	Cost£m	Player	Cost£m	Player	Cost£m
Barton	5	Lee	8	Shearer	7.5
Watson	4.5	Speed	4.5	Beardsley	4.5
Beresford	4	Solano	4	Ferdinand	3
Peacock D	4	Gillespie	3	Cole	3
Dabizas	3.5	Clark	2.5	Ketsbaia	2
Howey	3.5	Batty	2.5	Asprilla	1.5
Albert	3.5	Dyer	2	Kitson	1.5
Hughes	3	Fox	2	Bellamy	1
Elliott R	3	Ginola	1.5	Ferguson	1
Venison	2	Sellars	1.5	Gallacher	1
Domi	1.5	Bracewell	1	Ameobi	1
Pistone	1.5	Hottiger	1	Andersson	0.5
Griffin	1	Acuna	1	Lua Lua	0.5
Charvet	1	Glass	1	Cort	0.5
Pearce	1	Barnes	1	Cordone	0.5
O'Brien A	1	Robert	1	Mathie	0.5
Goma	1	Hamann	1	Allen	0.5
Distin	0.5	Tomasson	0.5	Rush	0.5
Quinn	0.5	Bassedas	0.5	Dalglish	0.5
Scott	0.5	Maric	0.5	Saha	0.5
Marcelino	0.5	McClen	0.5	Robinson P	0.5
Neilson	0.5	Hamilton	0.5	Goalkeepers
Robinson M	0.5	Georgiades	0.5	Player	Cost£m
Bernard	0.5	Brady	0.5	Given	4.5
Helder	0.5	Papavasiliou	0.5	Srnicek	3.5
Caldwell S	0.5	Gavilan	0.5	Hislop	2
Dumas	0.5			Harper	1
Serrant	0.5			Hooper	1

This time around you have to do the following:

Position	Number to Sign
Goalkeepers	2
Defenders	8
Midfielders	8
Forwards	4
Total Value	£40m

There you have it, a squad of 22 at a cost of £40mil. You will be placed into a league and play fixtures against the other teams in your league. Home advantage counts and you score points based on the following:

Event	Points
Started	2
Sub Appearance	1
Scores goal	2
Clean sheet Keeper	2
Clean sheet defender	1

I will be drawing Newcastle matches since the beginning of season 1993-94 until the present day and awarding points for players who appear in those matches. I leave it up to each of you to decide whether to specialize on one part of the era or have a broad selection of players.

E-mail me with your squad of 22 players and a team name. I shall be managing the Wellfield Wanderers this season since the Howdon Harriers went into receivership when the sponsors, Simms Fish and Chips, pulled out of the football sector.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Answers

Any punters?

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

It would be rude for the Blaydon Racers not to put in an appearance

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

The Gallowgate will be propping up the table again

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

The Fife Flyers will famously fail again

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Internazionale Seghill is rumoured to be forming a breakaway group to compete with the European Blyth Valley elite and get a bigger share of TV rights etc. We will consider entering our reserve team for this tin pot competition, providing we can chose the dates of our fixtures so as not to clash with European matches the back- shift at Seghill Pit.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Not sure Shilbottle WMC can make it, nee strip, nee sponsers nee players.

Will be at a management meeting the note with new potential sponsers "gUSVISION"

An announcement to be made afterwards.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

After some dismal performances in the previous competition, Screacher's Creatures departed company with their old (hang on, he's not as old as YBR - Ed) manager Screacher. However, I'm glad to say (more like sad - Ed) that the franchise has been bought up in the US of A and a team will be entered under the name of Minnesota Fatties.

The Fatties are expected to cast a shaddow over all other teams but if the organisers can arrange a decent set of floodlights, this shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Further announcements will be made in due course, once sponsorships talks are sufficiently advanced. (We're in discussions with NTL with the prospects of the giant media company bearing the Fattie logo on Chapter 11 of their documentation).

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

I shall happily enter my new team Fumblebuck United - and I`ll try to get it right first time Softie! (;o) Is there a deadline?

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

The Baltimorons will be there...err, once we sort out things like finance. And kits. And training facilities. And players. Minor details.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Go on then! :o)) How long have we got to submit teams?

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Great response. I need 20 teams for a division and as soon as I get them I'll kick it off.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Any chance of upping the limit to 42mil? Inflation, and all....

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Preston Big End are ready and waiting for the new challenge ahead - having been playing for the last 6 months in the qualifying rounds of the Intertootoo Cup.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

OK - I`ve sent mine off, but if it`s anything like last time (or for that matter like my passport application, tax forms etc.,) no doubt I will be getting it sent back with a note saying `could do better`! (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

Softie, as long as Georgiadis (the key entry for this league)(!) is available I will bring my overworked and underpaid team over from the swamps of the New Jersey Swamplands. They are the CosmoStars.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

I'll be entering The Black Middens this year - Collingwood's Monuments slipped down the cliff face I'm afraid.

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

The terraces of The Brewery Field will once again be awash with urine if MinesaS&N Academicals can get re-elected to the league ?? with the battle-cry "get ya wellies on lads, we're oot on the pi$$

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

I suppose the Droopers ought to get it together once more and rise to the challenge, having been runners up twice in a row.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Garcias Missing Finger will be proud to enter the fray !

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Breaking News :

Dynamo Seghill have now registered a total of 21 players for this competition and axiously await clearance on S. O' Lano's Irish passport, from the league's headquarters. The name change from Internazionale to Dynamo has been forced on us after a dispute with Internazionale Annitsford. This was to have been decided in the high court but was resolved on Saturday night in the Blake Arms pub Car- park. My stitches come out on Friday.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

You can count on 'Raphael Rovers' stormin up the league.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

I shall email me team asap.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Barton's Samba, perennial relegation battlers and cup winners 2000 will be there once again in our Wancap Stadium.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Steph's Superstarts will be up and running as soon as I can find some players.......

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Hopefully there is time for the East Hepple Harriers to enter.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Superstarts?? Could be SuperSTARS or SuperTARTS...hmmm

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

When do you want the teams in by Softie?

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

I vote for SuperTarts. They could play topless, which would cut down on the laundry bills while improving attendance from the female demographic. ;-)

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

I'll send one in. £42m would be more usefull.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Oh, this is bloody impossible. Nevertheless, Mortlake Mags will be winging their way shortly, and will doubtless have as little luck as my shower o' shite last time round.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

There are only 5 places left so get them in quick or round up enough people for a second division.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Breaking News :

A consignment of 22 squid were delivered to the Corinthian League's Monkseaton HQ this morning after an unfortunate misreading of the League's instructions by the management of Fumblebuck Utd. The only quote we have from HQ was from a Mrs Softie who screamed "Get them out of here!"

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

LOL (:o)

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Deportivo La Cramlington is assembling it's squad and could enter the competition for the first time in the history of the club.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

When do you need the squad selections by Softie?

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

I almost have a full division already but will happily run two tiers if there is enough interest. Basically get them in as quick as possible.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

So is my entry in despite not sending the team yet?

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Well 18 folk have managed to send in an entry already so it would be nice to kick things off. Obviously I am only counting actual team entries and not "intentions to participate" or Sunderland would be taking part in the Champions League. Get your team in quick.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

right then.... team sent

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

I will do the forms this evening. Please don't start without me. I have to go sunbathing now. Please.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

I've got tax year end at work and have to take the wife to the Metrocentre after work but as soon as I get home I'll sort out a team.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Right, team sent. Now back to digging through dumpsters for cans and bottles so I can pay this lot. ;-)

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Gus has decided to take the Bob Murray approach and has assembled his squad for the princely sum of 12mil. This must be something he picked up from fishing: the weaker the line, the greater the glory. Reckon he'll get tanked every week myself :-)

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

The SuperTarts have been entered! Never mind all the work I'm supposed to do, got to get my priorities right!

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Garcias Missing Finger on its way.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Just mailed my selection to your Hotmail a/c Softie, viz Preston Big End.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Team sent

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

I've finally rounded up my 22 Fatties and they are now covering an area half the size of Texas. They have been assembled into the fighting unit I expect from my teams and we're ready for face all-comers, bellies first. Most important on their minds is the situation regarding half-time refreshments. Who'll be providing the pies?

I'd like to request that all 22 be allowed to play in every game as it is certain that none of them will be able to run from the changing rooms to the touchline for the whole 90 minutes.

Without giving too much away, I can say that Craig Belly already has his gob working overtime and Venison is looking very tastey. Sadly, Tino Beans was not considered for the team.

The Fatties are on a roll!

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Permanently peuced more like. :-{E}

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Minnesota's team sounds interesting. What a shame Waddle wasn't available for selection. So the Yanks are coming. Over paid, over sexed and over weight apparently. To even things up Softie, how about a Corinthian Sumo wrestling league? For those of you unfamiliar with this sport, Sumo was once memorably described by Tara as being fought by men "with no backs in their trousers".

Gus would do a roaring trade in videos.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Mr Jonno,

My company has now been declared as excess to requirements by the board. (Mrs gus). Until I am in my new abode, I fear no more videos!

Shilbottle WMC is now without funds as gUSVISION was to be their sponser. So from Softies submission I am making do with the cheapest possible team, paid for by loose change from the cracks in the sofa.

If we go really badly I will consider selling one of Mrs gus' champion pussies!

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

I think I already have a video of Mrs Gus's champion pussy - I'm not sure you sent me the right one ;-) It's jolly good though.

I have opted for 2 divisions of 16 (makes it easier for the Cup) so I need 6 more entries. Gav, Mac, you still interested? No sign of Gibbo yet. Come on, it's luvverly.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

dumping me in the 2nd division again?

:-((

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Just sent off an amended selection, note, must learn to count!

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Wark This Way FC will come strongly from behind

Sponsored by The Grey Bull, where a warm welcome from Nicola is assured...bottle of Red Square in a pint glass with a Pringles top as a beaker, please...

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Cash injection for Fatties adds weight to team chances

I read with interest in yesterday's USA Today (?) that Fatties can expect to get tax relief. This is great news for us and you can rest assured that this new funding will be put to good cause to line Softie's pocket strengthen our squad in the unlikely event the need should arise.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

MF - did you also read today's USA Yesterday, perchance? ;o{)

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Okay. In a reversal of fortunes, this season Douglas All Boys are proudly sponsored by the Scottish Scampi Federation of Whitby.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

All together now -

I think they'll get battered Gibbo

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

It cod happen....hang on, we're skating on thin ice here.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

The Fatties are already licking their collective lips in anticipation. Mmmmmmmmmmm 8~)

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Oh you mock now, while you can. When the chips are down, our centre forward Andy Coalie will find the back of the net.

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2002