I'm a guy married to a woman who's been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She was married to an abuser, and when we were dating, she told me she wanted to "take him out" in a way that looked accidental.

Fast foward a few years to our marriage and she's abusing me in the following ways: coming at me physically a number of times, feeding me food she knows I'm allergic to, demeaning my family, hobbies, and idiosyncracies, and taking complete control over the finances and TV.

With this history, she now wants to purchase a home. In itself, this isn't a bad thing, but she has mentioned that her mother (who also attacked me) told her that there's "special" life insurance that would pay the mortgage off in the event of my untimely demise. With the security of my job in question (and an estate planning site in her net history), it seems to me that I'd be a fool to go through what could be my last major purchase.

An EAP counselor I've talked to has been non-commital, except to agree that there are trust issues. What are your thoughts?

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Answers

This is a tough one. I have similarly supected that my wife may try to kill me or arrange it (she has told me several times that she would) or tried to drive me to kill myself. I have made it very clear to her that my relatives would have my death fully investigated and to have the police look to her first. Make your wife aware of this. She will be the police's #1 suspect.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

get divorced immediately. Disappear from this woman. Spend your time finding a good wife and forget about this mistake.

-- Anonymous, March 30, 2002

I think you should also leave, those words should never come out of a woman who is supposed to love and cherish you. Everybody has problems, you have to learn to deal with them, she however, seems to have some serious issues. I'm not sure that there's anyway you can help her, until she admits it to herself first. Always remember, that you can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped. And DON'T beat yourself up about, those issues should have been handled before you even popped the question. I will keep you in my prayers.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

Please leave this woman. A close friend of my family put up with a women like this for years until his death, which came by he thrusting a knife into him during his sleep. Please don't let this happen to you!

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

Get out of the relationship. I was stabbed six times in the back and left for dead. Phisicaly I've healed, but emotionaly, I still have a tough time trusting people (women). Don't let this happen to you.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2002

I think that you have answered your own question. i am a domestic violence counselor and I work with batterers. Men and women. I know that often when a partner has a mental health issue, people tend to excuse the dangerous behavior. BUT THE BEHAVIOR IS STILL DANGEROUS. everyone needs to primarily take care of and be responsible for themselves. Do NOT leave without a safety plan. If you have trouble developing one, contact your local domestic violence agency. If you do not have a place you feel confortable going Let me know. I wish for you peace. Please follow your instincts. Take care of yourself.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002

Leave immediately, protect your assets and file for divorce. Cut off all contact whatsoever with this woman and then when the court proceedings are done with and you've settled all matters involved, completely and forvever disconnect and disappear from this person.

-- Anonymous, April 21, 2002

Call the police and tell them the situation and try to have them setup a sting where they go to her somehow and act as if they offer murder for hire services and let them catch her in the act and get it all on video. This will do 2 things... put her ass in jail where she belongs and stop her from killing the next nice and honest guy who falls for her deceit and scam.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2002

the answer is very simple if she is young slim and atractive send her my way ill make her my benafactor if shes willing to keep going with me on a weight gain

-- Anonymous, November 27, 2002