I have a Russian Wife of two and half years. At first she was not really abusive, but trying to be a controller. As time has gone by she has been abusive with me, Slapping me (once breaking my ear drum), kicking me in the groins, yanking my very hard on my penis and verbal abuse. On November 28th she slapped me 4 or 5 time and then I grabbed her throat and telling her to stop slapping me and then let her go. After that she slapped me another 3 or 4 times. I picked up the phone and told her to call the police. She did. They arrested me. I went to court Dec. 10th I went to court and pled guilty, but for only one reason as so she wouldn't have any problems later on getting a U.S. citizenship (boy! was I stupid). I am going through a "Deferred Sentencing" program. She has left messages that when I go back home that I MUST do what ever she says or she will call the police and tell them I have abused her again. Examples: sex 4 times a day, can not work on my family history, can not work on my computer, must take her where she whats to go and when, etc. When she came to America she brought just a few clothes. If I divorce her I want the majority of my belongings. But she is living in our apartment. I have thought about going back home and then call a bunch of friends up and have them come over and move most everything out of the apartment. I will leave her things that she can live with like pots & pans, towels, blankets, etc. I want out but don't want to go to jail, but do want my things that I have work for. PLEASE . . . WOULD LIKE ANY SUGGESTIONS FROM MAN or WOMAN. THANKS.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Answers

I think you are doing the right thing to get out. Your well-being is more important than personal belongings, so if you have to leave some things behind, then so be it. I did, and took my important papers, most valuables and pets, then got out. That was four years ago and anything I lost is now replaced, along with my pride. What you could do is rent a storage unit (or have a friend rent one for you) and gradually put your things in there, starting with things she won't miss. Then when she's out, get your friends and get your stuff. It is hard, but living through an abusive relationship is harder on the self-esteem, body, etc. Document everything. Get a hidden video camera at a spy store and record her hitting you. Then there won't be any question what is happening if you have to go back to the authorities.

I was married to someone foreign too, who had very abusive tendencies. He threatened me with everything, all the time. I ignored his threats, never did anything that would put ME in jail for retaliation, and quietly, calmly sold everything I'd brought to the relationship, bit-by-bit, as well as putting my things in a storage unit (what I wanted to keep). It worked, and though I have many emotional scars from the experience, I found someone new later on and can now see what real love is..and I thank God every day that I got out of that bad relationship, because if I hadn't, I'd still be going through the same hell, or be dead at his hands. Don't let her victimize you anymore, do what's best for you and get away from her, and get a restraining order so she can't bother you by phone or in person. Good luck to you,

Carolyn

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Did you find her in one of those catalogues for Russian women who want to marry an American man?

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2003