My brother was physically and mentally abused by his fiancee for over a year. He broke off the engagement after she attacked him while visiting me. (He was never going to tell anyone in my family but since she attacked him in our home that is why he broke it off.) It has been 2 years and now he claims she is better and they are getting married this August. They only had one counseling session with a priest so I am very leary about his wedding. Being his big sister I am very protective of him and do not trust this woman at all. Is it possible she is better or what do you suggest I do for him? I feel like the wedding is more of a funeral!

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Answers

Try your best to persuade your brother out of the relationship before he's in too deep to escape her abuse. From experience, I've learned that people never change.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2002

HI.

One of the best things you can do for your brother is begin to build his self esteem. There is a book called "How to build your Mate's Self Esteem" which should help you to do that effectively. Making your brother feel better about himself will help him realize that he doesn't have to put up with abuse. Any time you have a genuine compliment to give, say it. That is the first step. He may feel "trapped" in this relationship.....he might not want to DEAL with what she will do if he breaks it off for good. Try your best not to say anything derogatory about this girl as it will only make him defend her. Speak about what she does (i.e. her actions) not what you think about her. Ask your brother how HE feels when the girlfriend does things that you feel are abusive.

-- Anonymous, August 10, 2002