I'm a mother of a fifteen year son that is being abused by his girlfriend that have been together for one year but have known each other for three. He comes home from school with scratches and bruises and is very emotionally disturbed about it. I have tried talking with her and come to find out that she too is physically abused by both of her parents. She is a very sweet girl and I know that she loves my son very much, and also her first boyfriend. It stopped for a moment, but continued later again. I've tried telling my son that he would not be allowed to see her again, but she gets very emotional disabled and cannot cope with it, neither can my son. They cannot be without each other he loves her so. My questions is, what do I do? I cannot talk to her parents about it. So what is there for me to do? Please help.

Very Concerned Parent, Celia

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

Answers

Is there a school guidance counselor you can get in touch with, I would not mention the abuse about the girls parents, but perhaps they can have a talk to your son. In my area there is zero tolerance regarding any type of bullying or abuse in our school system maybe this can be your answer. If they won't talk to you they might be more comfortable talking to a third party. If you don't stop this girls behavior towards your son now, she will continue to make him feel GUILTY about not "being there for her". It seems to me she has serious home issues and this should not be put on the shoulder of a 15 year old boy. I wish you all the luck.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

I really appreciate you responding to my e-mail. It's very hard to find someone that I can share this with, that my son would not object to exploiting his business to someone we both know. But I was needing someone's advice on how I could try to solve this problem. But since I've sent you the e-mail, I took the attentive go on and speak with her again along side was my son. I had to explain to her what could happen if this continues. My son also had to treaten her with the fact that he was no longer going to put up with it, and was going to stop the relationship. In fact I did have my son leave her be for about a week, and it just drove her crazy. Things seem to be at peace now, and she really communicates more with him and discuss things that trouble her, weather it's home or in their relationship. I still think they are still too young for a boyfriend, girlfriend thing. But parents are not really able to prevent it from happening. Thanks for patient, and I apologize for taking so long to respond. Once again, Thanks

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2002

i am a 16 yr old boy my self and i haven't experienced the pain of a girl friend because i can't get one. and also i can not get "IT" up. i know what ur son is going through because i have some friends i.e Trent Maloney who are going through what your son is going through and if you would like to meet i would be happy :) Your son sounds kinda cool if ya you what i mean. Phone number:+61(03)95852640

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2002

i am a 16 yr old male who has never had a girl friend in my life and i would like to say your son should be happy with the girl he is being hit by. so stop bloody complaning and be happy with what u got, i mean serouisly, come on don't u have anything better to do then complain.!!!

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2002

Now that is a good answer. What are men suppose to do? Be happy that women look at us and then let them beat and murder us? You must have a very low opinion of yourself to let some one beat you and do nothing. I do not believe anyone should be allowed to harm me. But then I have only been kicked, hit, beat, cut, scratched, attacked with garden tools ( Chain saws, pruning shears, shovels, rakes). You say that I should be thankful that a person would look at me and I should just put up with the knives and shears and attacks.

You are the reason that women think that they should be allowed to beat on anyone they desire!!!

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

i think the girlfriend should try and get some councilling or something for her abusive behaviour because he doesn't deserve to physically hurt like that and it may cause serious emotional and mental problems for him in the future. he deserves to be treated with alot more respect and have a girl friend who is stable. she may be a very nice girl but what she's doing to your son is unacceptable, if you know and she knows she's got a serious problem then there is no excuse for her not to seek some profesonal help to help her sort it out. if she is not willing to do it for herself or your son then she is not worth your son. you should talk to her about it and try to come up with a solution to help her and save your son. i simpithize with you and your son but you have to take the first step to help him as well as his girlfriend. i'm not trying to be offensive and if i do sound like i am then i'm sorry for stating my opinion.

yours faithfully Jory

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2002

OK coming from a girls point of view what she is doing to your son is wrong. It doesnt matter if it is a girl hitting a guy or a guy hitting a girl they are both something that should not be done. I have had a friend that had his girlfriend beat him up and it changed the rest of his life. I mean he was scared to say anything when he was around her or with his friends. I really do think that this girl and her parents need to get help and fast.

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2003