I am hurting so badly right now and I don't know how to begin to deal with the pain. It's emotional pain, confusion, anger and I feel like I have been used. I am a lesbian and got involved with this woman from work who was coming out of a long-term relationship. Things progressed quickly between us and intimately as well. She told me that no one made her feel the way I did and she liked being around me and she had feelings for me. But she wants to repair this relationship she had for 5 years and she cheated on her girlfriend and that was the cause of the breakup. She told me she wasn't in love with her, meanwhile leading me on and what really did it was last night we had the most incredible sex and the next morning at work she sends me an email that said her feelings aren't for me, that it was lust and basically I was just convenient for her sexual needs. I am so damaged and so hurt, I don't even know where to begin. Why do women hurt so much?

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

Answers

I'm no expert in same sex relationships but your story rings true for all types. Anyone who has ever been used or cheated on can identify will what you have so clearly described. Unfortunately, some of us human beings feel stronger than others. Sex often amplifies those feelings. We can't always expect every partner to react exactly the same way after sex. The person you described may very well have expected you to have a casual approach to sex, with the more "shallow" emotions that she has. Hang in there.Nicer people are around the corner. Ron

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2002

Dear Mary, I too am an emotionally/financially battered Lesbian. I was in this relationship for 7 years. She LIED to me from the first day I met her. I overlooked some of the lies and thought that if I show her that being with a woman who will love her and where she can feel safe, then her walls will come down and she will know that she is safe and doesn't need to lie with me. Well,the poor me partner turned into a CON,ABUSER,THIEF and complete fraud. My story is a long one and very complicated. I am stuck with a house that she coerced me into puting her on the deed, and she wiped me out financially. Despite all the claims of loving adoration and Hallmark cards, the abuse/threats/fear were always there. I am out of the relationship for four months and she is still trying to control, manipulate and make me look crazy in the eyes of the law. My advice to you...if you were just dating.....RUN...or she will be back and the abuse just gets worse over time. Believe me, your tears and loving feelings will turn to ANGER at her deceiving you and manipulating you. The best thing is to get into counceling with a Lesbian therapist who deals with Domestic Violence issues, and get as much support from others who have gone through what you have via email and support groups. Don't isolate yourself. It is going to take a long time to heal from this. Be patient with your emotions. There will be somedays you feel like your sliding backwards and want to see her etc. DON'T GIVE INTO THOSE FEELINGS. HATE HER FOR HURTING YOU AND RIPPING YOUR SOUL APART. Move on, get a restraining order if she makes contact. Do whatever you have to do to stay the hell away from her. That is the only way you will SURVIVE THIS ABUSER!!!! Unfortunately, there are men and women abusers out there. You are the one who needs to change, and learn the signs and signals given off by an abuser that YOU might be drawn too. There are Normal Women out there...WE just NEED TO LEARN TO BE DRAWN TO THEM INSTEAD OF TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE HARMFUL TO US! Good Luck...1 day at a time..Give the gift of therapy to yourself....your worth it!

-- Anonymous, April 08, 2003