I have a confession to make. I am female I am NOT blonde. I am an addict. I am addicted to blond jokes. Don't know why, genetic maybe? Dropped on my head by a blond mother? LOL

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Thank God for heros.

-- Little Quacker (carouselxing@juno.com), March 04, 2002

Answers

I am a bonde...... and that was funny..... LOL...ROFL.....

I am addicted to blonde jokes too

-- Kristean Thompson (pigalena_babe@yahoo.com), March 04, 2002.

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answered, "That's easy. We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman said, "Well, uh, that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How > would > you recognize him?" > > > >The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair, and > said, "Ha! He'd be too > >easy to catch because he only has one ear!" > > > >The policeman angrily responded, "What's the matter > with you two? Of course > >only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a > picture of his profile! > Is > >that the best answer you can come up with?" > > > >Extremely frustrated at this point, he shoed the > picture to the third > blonde > >and, in a very testy voice, asked, "This is your > suspect. How would you > >recognize him?" He quickly added, "Think hard > before giving me a stupid > >answer." > > > >The blonde looked at the picture intently for a > moment and said, "The > >suspect wears contact lenses." > > > >The policeman was surprised and speechless because > he really didn't know > >himself if the suspect wore contacts or not. > > > >"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for > a few minutes while I > >check his file and get back to you on that." > > > >He left the room and went to his office, checked > the suspect's file on his > >computer, and returned with a beaming smile. > > > >"Wow! I can't believe it. It's true! The suspect > does in fact wear > contact > >lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such > an astute observation?" > > > >"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear > regular glasses because > >he only has one eye and one ear."

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), March 04, 2002.

(sorry for the previous partial post, never had that happen before....I was trying to format the paragraphs and hit submit by accident)

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answered, "That's easy. We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman said, "Well, uh, that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair, and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responded, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shoed the picture to the third blonde and, in a very testy voice, asked, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman was surprised and speechless because he really didn't know himself if the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and get back to you on that." He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file on his computer, and returned with a beaming smile. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), March 05, 2002.

Well, still didn't get it right..........sheesh. (I like to collect blonde jokes) :>)

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), March 05, 2002.

ONE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear'."

TWO Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOUR A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIVE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

SIX A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper exclaimed, "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" The officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."

"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

SEVEN Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!

-- Warren-NC (w.baucom@worldnet.att.net), March 05, 2002.

Why were the dumb blonds given one more IQ point than the horses? So they would not leave messes in the parades!

-- mitch hearn (moopups@citlink.net), March 05, 2002.

I am blonde....... and Polish and Swedish to boot plus a Yankee in the south. I really laugh at blonde jokes because I can really relate. Got to laugh at yourself somedays. Too funny, thanks for the jokes.

-- Bernice (geminigoats@yahoo.com), March 05, 2002.

Okay, as long as no ones offended. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? RUN, cause she's got a grenade between her teeth!

-- VickiP. (countrymous@webtv.net), March 05, 2002.

Why was the lady black and blue and brown all over? Because the brunette was telling dumb blonde jokes at a Swedish convention!

-- Terri (hooperterri@prodigy.net), March 05, 2002.

I have been looking through my files for this blonde man joke someone sent me and I can't find it. dang, and it was really cute to.

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), March 05, 2002.

Two gentlemen are sitting on a bench in town, when two blondes pass and walk into the building in front of them. One gent looks to the other and remarks, "You woulda though at least one of them woulda seen it". (explanation for those blonde readers: The two blondes collided with the side of the building).++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ... "HEELLLLLLO, you need to roll up the windows first!!"

-- TonyG (here@here.com), March 05, 2002.

A plane is scheduled to stop in Chicago on its way to Milwaukee when a gorgeous blonde woman leaves her seat in coach and takes one in first class. The flight attendant asks her to return to her seat in coach but the woman says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I can sit where I want." The discussion continues but the woman remains in coach. The flight attendant calls the co- pilot. After several minutes of fruitless discussion, the woman says to the co-pilot, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I can sit where I want." The co-pilot throws up his hands and goes to get the pilot who begins to speak quietly to the woman. In no time, the woman has left her seat in first class and returned to coach. The flight attendant and co-pilot, dumbfounded, ask the pilot what he said. He just smiled and said, "I told her first class doesn't stop in Chicago."

-- marilyn (rainbow@ktis.net), March 05, 2002.

Three blonde women walk into a bar hooping and hollering. They walk up to the bar and say "Hey bartender, bring us a round of beers". The bartender pours them a round of drinks and ask them, "So what are you women celebrating?" One of the blonde women speaks out, "We just put a picture jigsaw puzzle together". The bartender ask, "So whats so difficult about that?" The blonde responded, "It said on the side of the box, three years and up and we done it in just a little over a year!"

How do you keep a blonde wife at home so she will not shop so much?

"You put in a circle drive at your house."

-- r.h. in okla. (rhays@sstelco.com), March 05, 2002.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok.

She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), March 05, 2002.

Ice fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly - from the sky - a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more.

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), March 05, 2002.

Careful folks, I resemble some of these...OOPS! I mean I resent some of these remarks! LOL! Keep em coming, I can take it!! Best wishes

-- cowgirlone in OK (cowgirlone47@hotmail.com), March 05, 2002.

This is a VERY blonde friend's favorite blonde joke:

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can understand them

*grimacing grin*

-- Randle Gay (rangay@hotmail.com), March 07, 2002.

And then there were the two blondes who froze to death at the drive- in movie theater. They went to see closed for the winter.

-- Barb Fischer (bfischer42@hotmail.com), March 07, 2002.

A blond was driving down the road when she looked out into a wheat field beside the road and saw a blond woman in a canoe rowing (no water). She braked her car to a screeching halt and jumped out. "You stupid wench, it's women like you that give all blonds a bad name, and if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!!"

How can you tell if a blond has been using a computer? There's white out all over the screen.

-- Laura (lucky1s@mcmsys.com), March 08, 2002.

Here are more: Got this from a friend

> > For my blonde friends...................hope this > > one doesn't insult you too > > bad!!! > > > > > > > > > > She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: > > >....she took a ruler to bed to see how long she > > slept. > > >....she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. > > >....she thought a quarterback was a refund. > > >....she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. > > >....she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. > > > > > > > > >.She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: > > >...she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden > > tools. > > >...she thought General Motors was in the army. > > >...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. > > >...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. > > >...under "education" on her job application, she > > put "Hooked On Phonics." > > > > > >.She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: > > >...she tripped over a cordless phone. > > >...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice > > can because it said > > >"concentrate." > > >...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" > > and "DON'T WALK." > > >...at the bottom of the application where it says > > "sign here," she put > > >"Sagittarius." > > >...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. > > > > > >.She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: > > >...she studied for a blood test. > > >...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul > > Train." > > >...she sold the car for gas money! > > >...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus > > twice instead. > > >...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that > > said Airport > > >...Left," she turned around and went home. > > > > > >.She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: > > >...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur > > around the home, she > > moved. > > >...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone > > company. > > >...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. > > >...she thought that she could not use her AM radio > > in the evening. > > >...she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she > > thought stood for "This > > >goes In Front" > > > >

-- Bernice (geminigoats@yahoo.com), March 09, 2002.

.
A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all 
over." 
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and 
yelled, "Ow, that hurts." 
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, 
too." 
Then she touched her right ear lobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger." 

-- Don Armstrong (darmst@yahoo.com.au), April 13, 2002.