Decision time here... I rent a large home on 28 acres in Vermont. Due to aa abrupt and massive stroke happening to my husband in May, I am alone with a five year old and eleven year old. The last nine months we have been able to meet financial obligations with the help of short-term disability and the last of our savings. Medical and everything else ended this past November.

Last week we were approved for survivors benefits. This will cover rent (800.00 a month). We live in a small town, my children are doing well in school. My youngest son is a special needs child with speech,gross motor skill and other issues. All his programs are in place at school and I am very happy with the care and results I am seeing. I don't want to disrupt the tenuous hold they have on some sort of normalcy they have by moving who knows where. We have no family here, just each other.

My question is: sit tight here or move? I have scoured the area for something a whole lot cheaper for the past eight months, there just isn't anything. My children are my most precious assets, they are my primary concern and focus now. I might add, we have permission for cat, dog, pet bunnies, but not for gardening or other homestead pursuits that would help with food or meat production. What say you? Any insights would be appreciated!

-- Terran in VT (homefire@sover.net), February 25, 2002

Answers

Well, in my case, just when I start to feel sorry for myself, God shows me that I could be a lot worse off. You have my sympathy for your loss and your problems.

I'd say stay in the school district. Unless maybe if you have family elsewhere ... that might weigh heavier. It would be nice to own, don't you think? If the owner decides to sell or raise rent, you could be in trouble. I guess this would depend on how long survivor benefits last.

I'd try again asking for a garden. What could a darden hurt!!?!! If you move, throw some grass seed down and the lawn is as good as new!

Good Luck, Mike in PA

-- Mike in PA (smfine@yahoo.com), February 25, 2002.

28 acres seems like a lot of land to take care of and not be able to have at least a garden. The rent seems awfully high as well, but I live in the midwest and it is probably different here. Have you looked into subsidized housing? Here it will help pay for your rent if the landlord gets approved - you don't have to live in low income apartments. Most landlords like it because it guarantees them the rent on time and yearly increases. While I don't normally recommend government programs, you need to be able to survive on a better level.

I would also keep looking for something cheaper that will allow you at least a garden. I can understand not wanting to uproot the kids, but do you have family somewhere else that it might be beneficial to move closer to?

You have some tough questions to answer and I certainly don't envy you that, but you have made it almost a year, so you must be a strong person. Good luck.

-- beckie (none@this.time), February 25, 2002.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You are to be commended for having your priorities on your children. If there is nothing cheaper within the school district, you may be better off staying put.

-- fred (fred@mddc.com), February 25, 2002.

Terran, I guess that in your shoes(and I have been there!) my first thought would be to evaluate the importance of having family around you. You did not mention if you have family elsewhere who would provide some strong moral support and a network to help you and the kids. That would be one very important factor I would take into account. The other thing I would consider is a smaller place with cheaper rent, but still rural. YOu could start saving some money if you do this towards you own place some day. Just some thoughts. I lost my hubby too when my boys were very young and we faced some of the same problems that you are now. I wish the best for you and your kids. LQ

-- Little Quacker (carouselxing@juno.com), February 25, 2002.

Hi Terran,

Single parenting is so difficult, especially if you aren't a single parent by choice. You must be a very strong person and sound like an excellent parent. I too question why with 28 acres you aren't allowed to garden. Have you considered container gardening or growing in bags of potting soil/compost. That mode of gardening is very common in England where people typically have little space, it also is easy to adapt to greenhouse growing, which is essential if you want good tomatoes in that drab cool climate! You would be surprized how many cucumbers, toms, peppers, eggplants etc. you can grow simply by punching some holes in a bag of soil on the bottom (for the water to drain out) and cutting 3 circles in the top to plant in. I would add some of your rabbit manure as a fertilizer. If you want to grow cucs like this putting a trellis behind them will really help.

I have been working with special needs kids at the local elementary school and I am so glad you have a program that is working for your youngest son. Like you I would hate to change schools, especially since the kids have had so many changes lately.

I guess the real question is what do you want? Does your house hold too many memories for you or are you comforted that it is home? Is living in a rural setting still the best thing for you, or would you rather be closer to other families?

I'll keep you in my thoughts and wish for you the very best. Kim

-- kim (fleece@eritter.net), February 25, 2002.

My heart goes out to you. No one can make this choice for you. only your family knows what is really happening right now. keep your heart poen. Open up with the kids. They will amaze you with their insights!And support. If you can be okay staying where the kids have comforts then by all means. But how comfortable will the kids be if you are struggling to keep it all together there if someplace else would be easier?

-- Novina in ND (homespun@stellarnet.com), February 25, 2002.

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. The moral support is just what I needed! The 28 acres we live on is heavily wooded. We have about 500 yards of 'lawn.' He stipulated no treecutting, and making sure the lawn was maintained and mowed. I asked about a garden when we first moved in (2 years ago), and he said we would revisit that question at a later date. My husband was in the midst of negotiating to buy this property. That is not possible now, it is way beyond my means. He seems anxious to sell but assured me he would not sell out from underneath me. The house is nice but it is just a house. Yes there are many happy memories here, but it was the people who made them not the house.

The rural lifestyle is something that we all loved and I would very much like to continue, if possible. My family primarily live in TX, they have given me much moral and emotional support and made sure my children know that they are loved. My husband lay in a comafor 4 months, and never recovered. He is in a skilled nursing facility in Mass. Unable to speak, move or care for himself, he is being fed by a stomach tube. Although in a fragile condition, he is 43 yrs old and can continue in this manner for a week or years. I can't leave him alone here in New England. We must be near, we visit him regularly and I sense that he is aware of us on some level. He is still husband and father, even if he is not 'here.' I don't know if this makes sense, it is like living in limbo sometimes.

But I know this, we must go on. Life is beautiful and as hard as this is, it is an opportunity for growth. Thank you all!

-- Terran in VT (homefire@sover.net), February 25, 2002.

Do you have a friend that has some extra land that you can garden on?? Or someone you can share gardening chores with for a share of the produce? Or is it possible to convince your landlord to let you garden? I think they'd be understanding of your situation, if you explained that it would help you out financially to be able to garden - Wishing you the best -

-- hmm (h.m.metheny@att.net), February 25, 2002.

I would move where there is family, even if it meant to a smaller place, since you have a special needs child. Unless you have a really solid network of friends in place, without family you have no backup support system for babysitting, emergencies, etc.

Beckie, I would disagree with you about there being a lot of subsidized housing available, although it might depend on the area. If you are referring to Section 8 housing, most landlords I know won't touch it because of all the government regulations attached to it (also, from what they have said, once a property is Section 8, you can't take it out of the program, which makes it difficult later to sell it. As a landlord, you also are not making top rent for the property, even though the gov't is guaranteeing part of it). Terran sounds like a good tenant who could probably find a landlord willing to cut her a little slack. If her son qualifies as disabled, it is also a bit harder to evict. Something to look into, anyway.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), February 25, 2002.

Terran, if there's no absolute rush about moving now, why not just keep your ears open and see if something turns up? If you keep looking and are visible about it and keep talking to people, some one may mention something to you. Good luck!

-- Jennifer L. (Northern NYS) (jlance@nospammail.com), February 25, 2002.

My heart goes out to you & your family. Closer to your family could help...any chance your husband could be moved, too?

-- DW (djwallace@ctos.com), February 25, 2002.

Is there any chance that your family or your in-laws could move to where you are?

-- Charleen in WNY (harperhill@eznet.net), February 25, 2002.

Hi Terran..

I'm in VT too. I'm in south central VT. Below Rutland, above Springfield. Not sure if that's near you. But, maybe I can help you brainstorm a bit if you want to stay in the state.

A few thoughts..have you looked into VHAP health insurance for you and the kids [it's called Dr. Dinosaur for the kids]. I just got this last month. First time in five years I've had health insurance and it is such a feeling of relief. If you can't find the url or 800 number, let me know and I'll send it to you.

If you need to move and want to stay in your area, there are a host of ways to look for a new place. Newspapers, weekly flyers, realtor.com listings, etc.. Rockingham Land Trust works with low and moderate income people to get them into good housing [they have a wide variety of programs serving southern VT. If you are not in southern VT, I'm sure there are other organisations that serve other areas.].

There are many other programs out there. Not all are income based either. There are food, fuel and weatherisation programs throughout the state. I can go into more detail about these as well, if you think the info will help you.

Good luck.

PC

-- pc (pc@?.com), February 27, 2002.

PC, thanks. I live inthe southern part of Vermont, just over the Mass. border. Just found out about Dr. Dinosaur for the kids, didn't know if I could find insurance for myself. Started paperwork for my youngest son for CDC ( ahealth program for special needs children). I can't leave Vermont, the kids are happy here and my husband is in a skilled nursing facility in Williamstown, Mass. Plus, I love it here. I'm 45 and really don't want to make another huge move in my life! At least not right now.

You've given me some other avenues to think on. Figuring on just sitting tight until school's out. By then it will have been a year since Vince had his stroke. They tell you not to make major decisions until a year has passed. I can definately see the wisdom in that. Keep in touch. Terran

-- Terran in VT (homefire@sover.net), February 27, 2002.

Just a thought Terran. You mentioned that your landlord was anxious to sell, that he promised that he wouldn't sell the land from under you. It sounds as though there may be a decent chance of your buying your home and the land.

Here is my idea. I'm sure you have heard of lease option. The basic idea is that you make an agreement with the owner to cover his expenses which usually boils down to the mortgage, insurance, taxes and maintenance, in the form of rent. The idea is that you negotiate a certain percentage of that total each month to be considered the down payment at the end of the term of lease. I have seen deals where folks were able to actually lower the current rent they were paying and now own the property.

There are lots of things you could negotiate. If rent was too high, perhaps you could agree to another family sharing the acreage and the bills.

-- Tis I (really_tis_i@yahoo.com), February 27, 2002.

A lease option is where you agree on the price, pay a very small option payment (sometimes as low as $1000) to compensate the owner for keeping the property off the market, and then have the right to buy the property at that price (can't change it when values go up) sometime down the road (usually a year). Some of your rent per month is then credited toward the purchase price. If you really want the property and can't get in any other way (i.e. can't qualify for a mortgage) it is not a bad deal, because it allows you to build up a credit history. But, if you move without buying the property, you lose all of that money.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), February 28, 2002.

You should also conside joining or even starting a community garden. Then you could grow some of your food in the area, and maybe help out others too.

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), February 28, 2002.