People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY

Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

Sign in men's rest room in Japan: TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

Sign in Japanese public bath: FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS

In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

-- Leslie A. (lashkani@hotmail.com), January 24, 2002

Answers

Too funny Leslie!! Here's one for you. I guess in London there was a rash of purse theft. You know those hooks they put on the inside of the door in the stall in the restrooms to put your purse on. Well, purse snatchers were reaching over the top of the door, grabbing the purse while the owner was, well, er "busy". So they took all the hooks off, put a little sign in its place, which said, Do not hang purse here. Go figure :)

Carole

-- Carole (carle@earthlink.net), January 24, 2002.

I havn't laughed that hard in months! Thanks Leslie!

-- buffy (buffyannjones@hotmail.com), January 24, 2002.

What a riot!!!!!!

-- Marcia (HrMr@webtv.net), January 24, 2002.

Having spent six years living in Europe, this brought back many memories. I especially like the ones from Japan!!! I needed the laugh!

-- Bernie from Northern Ontario (Bernadette_kerr@hotmail.com), January 24, 2002.

Leslie, those are so funny! George

-- george nh (rcoopwalpole@aol.com), January 24, 2002.

A good long belly laugh is what I've been needing! Thanks, Leslie!

-- Debbie in Mo (risingwind@socket.net), January 24, 2002.