I am a 20-year-old art student in Florida. I fell in love with my high school boyfriend and gave all of myself to him. For a year and a half of our relationship(the majority of it), he physically, emotionally, and sexually abused me. It wasn't until he raped me that I realized that what was going on was wrong, and I put him out of my life. Now, I can't trust straight men, I can't talk to my best friends because they don't know how to handle something like this, and I can't find any support groups in my area. I'm the strong one, and I tend to help all my friends with their problems, but I have no outlet for mine. The stress gets unbearable, and I have horrible nightmares that wake me up vommitting about what happened to me. Even the counselors I've been to think I'm a well-adjusted girl despite all this, but last night, all I wanted to do was kill myself. I need help, and I don't know where to go. If anyone can help me, please do.

-- Anonymous, January 23, 2002

Answers

Dear michelle, I am a straight male and I hope you can trust me when I say,Sometimes it is so hard to trust..it really is.. but please try..I know many people icluding myself that wanted to "do themselves in" Please give trust and life another try..

-- Anonymous, January 27, 2002

Michelle,

The safe-support mailing list might be a good place for you. It is a discussion group and support group for people of all types who have been through abusive situations. It's pretty active right now, and the people there are very supportive, and often give excellent advice.

http://www.safe4all.org/help.html

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002

hi michelle. my name is mihcelle too ! beautiful name huh?! i read your cry. and i have been right where you are. you are not alone. hang in there because if you give up you are letting him win. you have won! you are out of that situation now. noe you have to move on with your life and start over. you will always be scarred from that but it doesn't mean you have to lick the wounds. i still have nightmares too. it is soo hard to put those terrible memories behind you! what ever you do don't jump in a relationship. you need to be on your own. learn to love yourself once again and learn to love life and what is at your finger tips. you have to retrain you mind body and soul. it will take time but at the end you will be 100 times stronger and you will be at the top! i wish you much love and happiness. you are in my heart and in my prayers. love michelle

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

BEEN THERE, BEEN THROUGH IT. WITH MALES. NOW I AM WITH A WOMAN AND BEEN WITH HER FOR 10 YEARS..NO ABUSE. SORRY, BUT MOST MEN CAN NOT BE TRUSTED, IF I WAS YOU, I WOULD TRUST WOMEN AND TURN HOMOSEXUAL.

-- Anonymous, March 30, 2002

Dear Michelle

It seems as if all the Michelle's go through this trauma. I have just made my move know and I have three children including a six month old baby. I know the pain, I feel it right know. I plead with you to stay strong and look at rebuilding your life. There are others out there worse off than you and I they are still in those abusive relationships. Keep strong you made the best decision in life to leave that horribly man.

Love

Michelle (South Africa)

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2002

Michelle, You need to find a good support group where you can talk about your experiences with other women who have been in the similar situations face to face. The counseling is a good step but you can take your healing one step further and start reaching out to others in your situation and help yourself at the same time. Sometimes it is easier for you to heal when your in a setting where your experience is also helping others. Maybe theres another 20 year old college student at a support group that needs to hear your success story in order to make that final decision to get out of her abusive situation. If you need help finding a group let me know.

-- Anonymous, October 08, 2002