I'm going to be 45 years old in a few hours. I looked out the back door today and saw two heifers (neither one bred). I keep telling my husband we need to breed one and eat one. We don't put up our own hay, and don't have a truck right now to haul hay. I saw a flock of 20 chickens, well past their prime. I saw two cages with female rabbits in them. Hard to have babies without a male, eh? I saw a dog that can't hear and a cat that had been in a bad fight sometime last night. I saw a broken down Troy Bilt tiller, that isn't going to help in the garden this year either.I saw a husband that I once loved and really thought we could make a good life together. But now I just don't know anymore. I want so much more.(not everything, just more)..there isn't another woman in a 20 mile radius of me that has the same homesteading ambitions a I do. I can't even find a friend that can sew. is it time to try again or is it time to throw in the towel?

-- Harmony (harmonyfarm57@hotmail.com), January 10, 2002

Answers

Remember why you married him.

-- ddew (ddew1962@earthlink.net), January 10, 2002.

Hi Harmony, don't give up yet! There are many people here who can sew and will be your friend! Sometimes it is easy to focus on what you don't have or haven't accomplished, but now try it in the reverse and think of what you do have and have accomplished. You are in the country, you have the rabbits, and cows and chickens. You are way farther ahead than someone living in the city wishing they were where you are. Just get up tomorrow and decide to accomplish one little task, and do it the next day and the next day, and soon you will feel stronger and more prepared and one day you will wonder why you ever had any doubts. And when you need a little advice or encouragement remember there ARE other people just like you and we are here needing help and encouragement just like you do too. That is what is so spectacular about these forums, people who understand, have been where you are,and want to see you succeed.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), January 10, 2002.

Sounds like the wintertime blues.Time to take some chickens to the flea market and buy a buck rabbit,check for a neighbor with a bull and on the way back stop at the parts store and get a repair manual for that tiller. Hey, maybe that neighbor with the bull might want to got in on half on butchering that other cow. Things are never as bad as they can be. Daryll

-- Daryll in NW FLA (twincrk@hotmail.com), January 10, 2002.

Well Melissa, your post made me cry. I'll see what tomorrow brings...Thanks!

-- Harmony (harmonyfarm57@hotmail.com), January 10, 2002.

Been there and done that!!! Take a deep breath, get out a pencil and paper and write down what you want to do---- in minute detail. Get a plan, and a timetable. Remember that this is pencil and paper --- not stone!!! Then keep a list and check off and date when things get done. I used to suffer terribly because I thought that we weren't getting things done and were just wallowing in a big rut. I am a woman of action but I have to see some acomplishment. If there is no money, get a budget going ( I am an expert on this one!!) In this day and time-- 20 miles is not that far....

-- Tana McCarter (mcfarm@totelcsi.net), January 10, 2002.

Happy Birthday, Harmony. You're not alone- the only friend of mine who shares my homesteading ambitions lives 3600 miles from me (I am in Florida, she is in B.C., near Vancouver). We email, speak by phone occassionally, and if we're lucky, see each other on average once a year. I am a 41 year old woman, still single, living alone on my farm, and sometimes I wish I had a husband to share this lifestyle with, so you're one up on me there, at least! If he is a good man and you still love him, don't give up.

-- Elizabeth (ekfla@aol.com), January 10, 2002.

Sometimes it seems the road only goes uphill. About six years ago the missus bought a place that was her idea of heaven. When the real estate agent first showed her the property, they drove across the creek. No big deal.

That same creek since then has at times been as much as 20+ feet higher. There's a quite a few times during the year that the only access is over a 150' long suspension foot bridge that's about 40' up in the air. I's not much fun dragging 50# bags of feed across the bridge and about a quarter mile up to the house when the creek is up.

Over time We discovered that the beams under the hundred year old house had been eaten out by termites to the extent that only a third of the original beam depth was left. The previous owners at some point had sistered the beams so at least the floor won't fall in.

Other discoveries included absolutely no insulation in the walls. Right before Christmas one year when the water wouldn't drain out of the bathtub I dug out the area over the "septic" tank and discovered that it was a cesspool with no field.

Did I mention the well going dry during the drought?

The way I look at it you just have to take one thing at a time. If you sit down and worry about everythng you could worry about, you'll never get much accomplished and you certainly won't have peace of mind.

-- Darren (df1@infi.net), January 10, 2002.

Dearest Harmony, I just turned 46 less than a month ago. We have been on our place just 7 months, but I have dreamed about it for 25 years!!!! We are just starting, We too have a few chickens (and I can,t wait to see the chicks this spring), We have a few rabbits that don't see to know what rabbits are famous for yet!!,and since we only have2 acres,my dreams can't get too grand, probably wont be able to have my horse on my own property, or that milk cow or two,but I am looking into getting a few sheep for wool and to help keep the pasture mowed down. I am full of ideas, and I wish I could quit my day job and do them all. But you know, I'm taking it as a challenge, what can I get done this week that doesn't take much money, and I am able to do with the time I have. I Love it, I love the sights, and the sounds (my favorite is the hens after they have layed and egg), the stars at night, sitting on the front porch when the chores are done. We go to the "city" every day and we wonder "How can they live like that?" Remember that we were there 7 months ago!!! Dreams can and will seem to die, Love may seem far away at times, but remember that they are both like living things they need to be cherished and appreciated (just because) and fed. (Don't we all) Hang in there, and keep in touch, The best things are worth the work. Susan

-- Susan n' Emily in Tn (animalcrackers55@hotmail.com), January 10, 2002.

Hi Harmony,

Hang in there. If you have a moment, go browse through some of the archived posts from the Forum and read some of the things that others have said when they were feeling overwhelmed... I know that I've had many times when I considered throwing in the towel (and everything else associated with this *#&%% lifestyle!!)

Some folks get bummed this time of year; others feel that way when it's summertime and the weeds are high, the fences are falling down and the animals are running amok where they shouldn't be, the vegetables need picking and preserving RIGHT NOW, etc. *sigh* It's always challenging, I guess!

You are in good company here, as I would bet many/most of us have felt just like you do. Get it off your chest and you'll be amazed at how many folks will share their frustrations with you, too.

Good luck to you! (btw, I'm pushing 50...)

-- sheepish (the_original_sheepish@Hotmail.com), January 10, 2002.

Dear Harmony, sometimes life just feels so hard, especially when we come to a birthday and try to take stock of our life. I think the first thing to take stock of is your marriage. Why do you feel that you "once loved" him? What has changed, when did you notice it? If your marriage has a chance, go for it FIRST. Second, take stock of yourself physically. Are you feeling overall hopeless and depressed recently? Have you had a physical lately? I realized that my overwhelming sense of gloom was related to hormonal changes beginning about the age you are now. I first started using St John's Wort and found that lifted the gloom, then went to 'the pill' because of the overwhelming work load I was under at the time (-needed to be on a even keel to work full time, single parent two teens and finish my Master's degree in order to support my self and children). Peri (pre) menopausal symptoms include feelings of doom and gloom in many women. Then, look over your life for the good things. Those two heifers, are they healthy? Can they be bred? Those chickens, have they brought smiles as you watch them cluck and scratch; did you enjoy their eggs in the past? Bet you can find someone with a male rabbit-even the SPCA- That old dog, aren't the old ones so faithful, even if they can't hear (or see) anymore-bet you loved him once. That cat, still purr? mine does, even half wild, just have to be patient with it. That old troy built, didn't you just love the gardens you created with it? Look on the things you have and enjoy the memories they give you. NOW- call a butcher if you want one heifer gone; call the AI tech or a local with a bull and check on breeding services; find someone who would like a few hens to sratch under the trees in their orchard and a good feed store to get new chicks in the spring; call the local small motor repair man and get a quote on repair for that old tiller, and if it's too much go buy a good shovel and make plans for time to spade up your spot this spring- a small garden can grow alot of food if it's well planned. One last thing to do-look for the local fabric or craft shop, do they do classes on anything remotely interesting to you? You may find someone there to sew with or at least do some craft with. It is never time to throw in the towel until there is no hope, and where there is life there is hope. I know it sounds simplistic, I know you think I don't understand. Believe me, I've BEEN there and DONE that. 9 years ago I had just become a single mom (for the second time) with a job that didn't pay the mortgage, a car that didn't start if it was raining, and a second mortgage my ex had taken out on the house before he left. I have lived through 2 floods which destroyed my gardens, killed my animals and left garbage all over my property; a tree that took out my deck and all my chicken coops and rabbit pens; I have looked at my basement full of murky flood water and silt with no idea how I would ever clean up the mess or replace all the tools, appliances and materials stored there, and I have worked my way out of foreclosure on my home twice (it costs money to go to graduate school in order to get a better job) Now, at 50, I'm beginning to think I can take all I've learned, all I've survived and make a new life for myself very soon-just beyond the sidewalk, alone with my animals-and realize my goals for a self sufficient life. You can do it, just take it one day at time. You sound emotionally exhausted so be kind to yourself. Take a long walk in your favorite place, have a cup of your favorite tea and then sit down a make a realistic list of three (only three to start with- don't be tempted to try more) changes YOU can make in your life that will help you get where you want to be. I'm giving you advice that was given to me when I was there-wish I had taken it sooner than I did-hope you eventually take it too. Wish I could be there to encourage you in person-my prayers are with you. betty

-- betty modin (betty_m9@yahoo.com), January 10, 2002.

I'm 47 next month and living on 24 acres with a husband who wants to quit some days. And some days I wonder if we shouldn't; my back gets so bad sometimes I can't walk and last year I pinched a major nerve and lost part of the feeling in one foot. I've never been so scared. Well, I know those animals need to be fed so I get out of bed no matter what and hobble out there to feed them. Why? It gives me purpose and it forces me to think of other things besides my pain or my husbands occasional lack of enthusiasm. I'm just glad I can walk! Hang in there and take it one day at a time.

-- Kathy (homefarmbc@pacificcoast.net), January 10, 2002.

Maybe you need some vitamins!!!!!!! I told my daughter one day /that I had about 50 million things to do & nothing was going right--- She looked me in the eyes & said/ have you been takeing your vitamins?????? It helped me regain my sense of humor----& when I feel like nothing is going right I check to see if I need to take more vitamins & also regain my sense of humor-----

Harmony---- I truely care-----I hope you saw the humor in which this was intended!!!!

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), January 11, 2002.

Dear Harmony,

I just turned 49 on New Year's Eve. My daughters laugh at me and say, you've been turning 46 for the last three years!! How old are you really! And I tease them back, saying, what, you are in college (to the younger one), and you are a college graduate (to the older one), and you can't subtract?????

Hey, don't give up!!!! Your husband, your land and your independent lifestyle are your greatest assets. In a week and a half, my husband and I are moving to our place in the sun. We bought our land 2 years ago, and it has taken this long to get the place, and us, ready to live there. How long I have waited for this!! I know I have yet to have days like the one you are describing, but I also know this: When I look around my little neighborhood in suburbia, I see people who are in debt up to their ears with an expensive house, 2 or 3 new, expensive cars, and credit card debts. They go off to work every day just to make the payments on the interest. They are so stressed out that nobody has time to be neighborly. Our neighbor had our truck towed because we parked it on the street in front of his house. It cost $500 to get our truck back. When my husband asked him why he didn't just come over and talk to us, his only response was, that he had decided that nobody was going to park there but him.

That's how most people are here. They are stuck in their rut and they don't know it. I don't envy them! We who have chosen independence made that choice because we didn't want to be in that rut. It's a hard life, and it's a lot of work, but we are working for ourselves, and that makes it worth doing.

When I get out and look at the pond, with its varied and colorful bird population, or I stand at the top of the orchard I planted 2 years ago and look down the valley at the sunrise, or I hear the cayotes howl, or see the quail from my bedroom window, or just listen to the silence.... there's nothing like it.

You hang in there! I second all the responses of all the others who wrote to you. Just add my vote of confidence. I don't have any friends nearby who share my interests in homesteading or farming, but I'm doing very well with all my pen pals. It's so comforting and encouraging to get a letter! When I come home and find a letter, I toss my keys, purse, and shoes, and curl up by the fire and enjoy myself, reading that letter. Email pen pals are fun too. I highly recommend pen paling. Happy birthday to you!

love, Grace

-- Christine Baillie (towanda515@yahoo.com), January 11, 2002.

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." Franklin Roosevelt

"Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal who stuck to their jobs." Malcolm Forbes

-- paul (wprimeroselane@msn.com), January 11, 2002.

Hi Harmony, Resolve that if it is going to get done, it is going to start with you. Like someone said above, resolve to go out and get that buck rabbit. Or if you want to do something on a larger scale, resolve that you are going to have a better garden this year than you had last year. Start small and start simple. Their are more failures than their are successes whether you see them or not. Hang in there.

-- fred (fred@mddc.com), January 11, 2002.

Hi Harmony, I'm going to be 45 in a few months and have also felt the same things, so the first thing is, don't be so hard on yourself...you have alot of company. I was feeling this way about a year ago when it seemed like everything was wrong in my life, or at least I talked myself into it. It was hard living on this rocky hill, no one I knew was even remotely interested in the type of lifestyle I had and I was just plain tired of all the hard work. Well, I thought I'd be smart and change it all. We moved closer to family and lived in town. Ahhhhh, the easy life, right? Nope. I felt like a caged bird being in town and I didn't fit in with the people and that kind of mentality. I would even drive around town and wonder why people would grow grass and not put out gardens on their small plots. You see, there is a reason you chose to live the life you are living now. It's in you, deep in your heart and once you actually get a chance to live it, it's almost impossible to change. I missed my hill, all the hard work and I found out I definately don't need people around me all the time. I thought the whole time, what was I thinking!? What a mess I've gotten myself into. I thought I was unhappy before, but this has got to be the worst decision I've ever made. (Must be our age that does this to us, huh?) We moved back and I can't ever remember being so happy. I learned a hard lesson. I was out working on the hill yesterday. The wind about knocked me over, I got tore up by wild blackberry bushes, stepped in dog **** a few times, and had to walk up the hill too many times to count. But, when it started to get late and I had to quit, I sat on the hill and admired the job I had done, how beautiful the sky and the mountains were and thankful for the peace and quiet to be able to do this. Harmony, just take a day at a time, give yourself a pat on the back for all you do, and first and foremost, take the little extra time you have to enjoy all you do have. Remember, you got all of us here to cheer you on!

-- Annie (mistletoe6@earthlink.net), January 11, 2002.

Harmony, I think you are just overwhelmed. When things start sliding around the homestead it gets out of hand quickly! Make a list...do one thing on the list each day. Everything you listed in your can be fixed!

As for the husband....

You vowed for better or worst. Ok, you had the better...maybe now is the worst. If you just hang in God will honor that commitment and get you back on the right path!

-- Karen (db0421@yahoo.com), January 11, 2002.

Please pull yourself through this. Come to terms with your own concerns, communicate with your husband, find ways to ease your negative feelings, remember the positives and build on them. Don't seriously consider "throwing in the towel" while te summer birds are gone and winter winds howl. Communication is much easier after the wintertime blue season. My wife and I lost communication and the winter blues and lack of communication of lifestyle and opinion differences were major factors in our pending divorce. Now all I am able to do is look to my future and pursue my future in abbreviated form and keep it shining as brghtly as I can, but a part of me always questions what I could have done a year ago to avoid the current conditions. The events of the last four months are also a factor of emotional strain currently and should be considered also. Try scaling the dream back a tad and produce a lifestyle reality (lifestyles are reality, dreams are simpy mind based fantasy we use to direct our reality lifestyles) and concentrate on your relationship. Some reality actions might be these. Accept that we all get older and although it "slurps to know were not teenagers anymore, that growing old and maturity is what brought us here today and brought that family that sometimes makes us throw up our hands in frustration into ur lives, Buy or build a trailer from a truck bed to turn that vehicle into a pickup for a hundred dollars or so (with the economy many are for sale., just look. I have two neighbors here selling theirs to pay off christmas bills). Buy or catch a buck rabbit and let them bunnies do the "math thing". Instead of lamenting the "tines up troy built", do a square foot garden and spend only a few hours a week bringing life to the plants and use the rest of the time to breath life back into your relationship. Watch "Dr. Phil" (he's smart, as long as both parties listen and communicate with each other about his topics). Most of all, make solutions. I saw a commercial of a boy with a powdered chocolate drink mix box almost empty and a glass of milk. He poured the milk in the empty container and shook it martini style and after getting every granule, poured it in the glass and as he drinks the chocolate milk he says "My father says there are no problems, only solutions". Its all about perspective. Always look at life as you would a diamond, from all perspectives that will reveal the fires flame in the facets. I hear so many talk the modern homestead talk, but to get the true "outside the box perspective, you have to walk the modern homestead walk. This gives you the ability to be able to look at all your facets, potential and exiting treasures in the best light and never forget, "There are no problems, only solutions" as you overcome the troubles and strengthen what is really important. Some folks will say "I would rather be alone." and yes, Alone is a quiet place to be, sometimes too quiet and that is when it thunders at you with a roar, not a pleasant place to be. Hang in there , you can make it.

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony: You're in my thoughts! When I get to feeling despondant, I tell myself "just do the next right thing". Sometimes, all that means is to make dinner, or run an errand, or something small. Make one phone call, or maybe just make a list of calls you want to make. At any rate, don't freeze up. Keep plodding along, one small step at a time, until this depression is past. And it will pass. If it doesn't, don't be afraid to ask a doctor for medication. Anti-depressants can literally save lives and marriages.

-- Shannon at Grateful Acres Animal Sanctuary (gratacres@aol.com), January 11, 2002.

Happy Birthday, Harmony.

Everyone has bad days, sometimes even your daydreams don't turn out right. Try to remember the first day you spent on your farm, remember the excitement, and expectation of things to come? Same thing with your husband, think of the reasons why you married him (believe me sometimes I've had to dig hard to remember why I married mine.) Life often isn't easy, but would it be as satisfing if it was? Without the bad times, the good wouldn't be as sweet.

I'll be 40 in a few months, have a chronic illness, two teenagers (one on her way to college in the fall), a hubby that will be having major surgery in a month, and some of my chickens are way past their prime (their appetite hasn't diminished tho.) There are mornings when I have to drag myself out of bed to do chores, but I'd probably just stay in bed, depressed, if it wasn't for them needing me.

Actually, my tiller (a Husqavarna) is broke too, dear hubby pulled the pull rope out last fall, plus the garden tractor isn't working and it runs the snowblower- the warranty ran out 4 months ago. I'm not horribly worried, we'll get them going before too long.

Think like Scarlett O'Hara--"tomorrow is another day."

E-mail me, I know how to sew (I try hard anyway), and I'll be your friend. We gotta stick together, sista.

Stacy in NY

-- Stacy (KincoraFarm@aol.com), January 11, 2002.

I can't help wondering. Perhaps Harmony should throw in the towel. Just a thought.

-- Rick#7 (rick7@postmark.net), January 11, 2002.

Happy birthday Harmony. I took just about the same inventory you just did when I turned 55. I was deeply discouraged and tired of trying to do something that it seemed I was the only one interested in doing. I actually filled up the truck (at least I did have a truck that was running-even though it was terribly old and running very badly) with goats many times and sold every one of my almost 100 goats at the time. One old girl, who is back in my barn now, I gave to a friend to keep. Sometimes, IMHO, throwing in the towel so to speak is not an entirely negative thing to do. We can never, as long as we are alive, get away from ourselves but we can readjust our goals and get more simple in our dreams and still find considerable happiness.

After making the decision to separate, my husband and I found again the basic roots of our love and relationship. We saw where we had really complicated things and where we had not communicated accurately. I will hope and pray for you that you find a way to peace and can return to joy and hope. hugs

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), January 11, 2002.

Girl, you need a good cry! After that, you mop your eyes and blow yor nose! Then, you might want to sit down and TALK with your DH. Maybe he is feeling the exact same way, but he doesn't know how to tell you. Or, he has no idea that you are feeling as you do. Unfortunately, sometimes us ladies think hubbys "know" how we feel without us telling them and they haven't a clue! Between the two of you, there may be some solutions.

Other than that, I think the previous posts about covered it. Let us know how it goes. If worst comes to worst, there is always a fresh start. Ask me...been there, did that!

-- Ardie /WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony, first of all, a big happy birthday hug!!!!!!

Second, I'm 42 and have been there and felt that feeling, listen to what Melissa said, and keep trying to find someone who can be a friend, that part is a life saver!!! Took me a few years to find someone to be a friend down here in the sticks, but when I did,it saved my marriage and quite possibly my life as well.

Winter time can be a real "killer" when you live remotely from other like minded folks, but we are here for you if that helps!!!!

-- Annie Miller in SE OH (annie@1st.net), January 11, 2002.

Hi Harmony, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Been there, done that, and am just about there again myself. Won't get into my stories of woe right now, but suffice it to say you are not alone. I'm 42 and am realizing, once again, that my goals and expectations in life are more than most people around me have. Seems I keep putting mine off, or lowering them, to keep peace in the home. Here's what I do when feeling overwhelmed: First of all, I always have a good old "pity party" for myself. Spend a whole day stomping around the house complaining to myself and getting it all out, saying the things I really feel that would probably hurt a lot feelings if I weren't alone when saying them. Followed by something chocolate. Then start the next day by really organizing and prioritizing. I have to have things written down to see where I'm really at. Lists are sometimes overwhelming, but also eye-opening. And, most importantly, it is OK to make changes if you're not happy! You can only plod along the same unhappy path so long before it really drags everyone down with you. Where are you located? Maybe some of us are in your general area and we could get together and throw ourselves a big combination birthday/pity party!

-- Rose Marie Wild (wintersongfarm@yahoo.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony,

Don't know where you live but there might be another Countrysider closer than you think. It's time of year for the blues, especially if you live north of 40 degrees north latitude. It will get better in a few weeks for the northerners, come mid February when the body notices yea, the days really are getting longer. Adding the birthday stress of seeing another year roll over and not feeling much accomplished, puts you feeling even more blue and hopeless.

Take your vitamins and wait a few weeks -- let the intrinsic stressors play out before making big decisions.

Getting a buck rabbit or making a date for your "ladies" should not be difficult or terribly expensive. Young beef in the freezer sounds good, call the county extension to help find a bull or an AI tech.

Got a pressure cooker ? Great for tenderizing old hens and making chicken and noodles or chicken sandwiches.

Getting the Troy Bilt repaired could be a problem. Troy Bilt went Chapter 11 last summer and it's a bear getting parts. I have a TB sickle bar mower that I can't get new drive belts for and an orchard and barnyard that haven't been mowed since early August. 8^P You may have to scale back the garden, use wide rows, and get somebody to plow it for you and use lots of black plastic or something to mulch this year.

If you are in the US, again try the county extension to find other women who sew -- the county agent will know of who enters the county fair "home arts" sections. Lots of women still sew -- quilting is enormously popular and someone has to teach those 4-H girls and boys how to sew all those first and second year projects.

As difficult as it seems, it's time to reach out to other people, make new acquaintances and more friends.

Sara in IN

-- Sara in IN (urthmomma@aol.com), January 11, 2002.

Go directly to the nearest homeless shelter and look around. It is all a matter of perspective. They don't call it "middle age crisis" for nothing.

-- Sandie in Maine (peqbear@maine.rr.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony, Been ther, done that..threw in the towel.Belive me you will regrete that decision in the long run.In the early years,we lived on a small farm,raised 4 babies.husband worked part time at sale-barn,so was always bringing new babies home..lambs,goat kids,piglets,calves.Once they were home,they became mine,as he had to work in town to pay the mortgage.We were not wealthy by society standards..but we were so RICH,My fondesy memories are of..sticking a 1yr.old in the goats hay manger,while i fed grain,and the giggles as the does licked his face,or milking with a baby in a backpack..a cardboard box in the laundry room housing new piglets,and a 2yr.old bottle feeding them,while the 1yr.old gave a chug to the piggy..then a chug to himself!A 6yr.old walking around with a pet hen on his head,a whole family weeding a garden together and the excitment from the kids at finding the tators!Eventually we moved away,bought a real fixer upper,husband had to work farthur away,and all intentions of fixing up house became impossible to achieve.He resented my time spent doing all the chores,which he had no time for..and lost interst in.The market for my goats in this new area was meat prices only,so it was sencless to register and try to improve..you can not keep them all..worse,the kids in thic area made fun of my kids for having animals!We ended up letting the bank reposess,move to town,both go to work..file bankruptsy..He decided to leave us,too stressed out!So, we are back together because i belive in wedding vows..but,we cannot get back to the country cuz of the bankrusy.I may never have my peaceful life back.Now he siys,he does not want animals again!!I had the dream and let it go away..you still have the dream..hold on tight to it!!!

-- Michelle (davmic25 @hotmail.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony--There are so many good people who have already given great advice. Just hang in there, and remember your CS family is here for encouragement and support. I know lots of us here love to sew, and it takes lots of us a long time to reach our goals, too. Peace and blessings.

-- vicki in NW OH (thga76@aol.com), January 11, 2002.

Happy Birthday Harmony, By the looks of all the replies, I bet you didn't realise you had sooooo many friends. This is why this forum and the people on it are so wonderful. We are all here to talk and give each other help, you are not alone and never will be, I'm your age to, and like others have said,those old hormones play some nasty tricks on you. If you get too low, talk to your doctor or maybe find something herbal to try. All the advice above is great and I'm not gonna repeat any of it, just that you now know how many friends you do have and that you are not alone. Your friend, Carol

-- Carol K (ck7951@bluefrognet.net), January 11, 2002.

Hey Harmony...I do not know where you live..BUT if it were anywhere nears se Iowa..I would have you over for a cup a coffee, a good cry, and a big laugh! You would laugh because...we have two cows who had not been bred for two years...two goats not bred yet this year. Not only is the tiller out in the weather...but my beloved lawn mower is too(it will not shift into gear to move!) My hens lay their eggs on the back porch. The house I am living in is ready to fall to pieces...the new one is not done..etc. etc. etc. And ya know what?? I LOVE THIS PLACE!! My fibro/chronic fatigue took a real bite outta me this past year...but I am thankful to my husband for hanging in there with me..I am thankful for Gods Homestead and all the animals that live here with us.

I find that I have to make a list (as was suggested). There are always more pressing things..they go on top of the list. I try to get something done ...one at a time. Sometimes I get something done every day...sometimes it takes me a week to get something done. Oh well..these days I try not to sweat the small stuff.

Hang tight...and chuckle!

-- Sher (riverdobbers@webtv.net), January 11, 2002.

Hi Harmony, hope you are feeling a little better. I wholeheartedly agree with the folks who suggested vitamins. I suffered from mild bouts of depression for years, and a few months ago when it started getting more serious I did a little research. I found out that one of the first symptoms of folic acid deficiency is depression! I don't eat many veggies (though I know better) so I wondered if that could be my problem. Started taking B vitamins, and within a couple of weeks the depression was gone. Not only gone, but I had a very positive outlook on life, which I had rarely had before even when not depressed! I now take a multi, vit B, a couple of grams of vit C, beta carotene, and vit E. When I added the extra vit C, my beginning arthritis symptoms disappeared. My mom started suffering from major depression a few months ago, and I told her what I had done. She tried the vitamins, and she is like an entirely different person now. I take Shaklee vitamins, not to push them, but I know they are high quality and food derived. Get these or a good brand from the health food store. Most of the regular name brand ones have been shown not to even dissolve - they come out the other end intact. Some question the logic of people needing all these additional vitamins, but if you think about our farming practices nowdays and how the soil is depleted it makes sense. I could really go into this, but that's a different thread. Now that I'm finished harping about vitamins, let me tell you a little about our homesteading experience so far. We moved onto our 14 acres three years ago. We have several breeds of chickens, 2 Jersey cows, some percentage Boer goats who we breed to sell for meat, and too many dogs and cats. Anything that got accomplished in the past was initiated by my husband (except actually bringing the animals home, I was pretty good at that,) and he's not as much into homesteading as me. I guess because of the depression I just didn't have much motivation. I would worry and complain that we needed to get this or that done, but I never initiated anything. About the time I discovered the vitamin thing and was feeling better, my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, which we later found out had spread to his brain - probably about the time he was diagnosed with the lung cancer, so it didn't show up on the inital scans because it was tiny. We have since been through a whirlwind of doctor visits, treatments (radiation entailed driving round trip 90 miles 5 days a week for several weeks) and dealing with the physical exhaustion all this has caused him. Luckily, I'm a critical care nurse, know all the docs, and can care for him at home and keep him out of the hospital for the most part. He is holding up better than most people do through all this because of his diet and the high levels of vitamins and immune stimulating supplements he takes, but he isn't able to do much of anything around the farm because of sheer exaustion. I have had to take charge and just do whatever needs doing. Yesterday I cleaned out the cow stall, which was about 2 feet deep in compressed composting bedding, with the tractor and box blade. It took about 5 hours. I also pulled down a rotting post and rail fence that was around our garden. I do all the animal care and feeding, including worming cows and goats, trimming cow hooves, trailering animals to the vet or sale barn, etc. It feels great to be able to just take care of whatever needs doing. Now I am about 5'1 and 100 lbs. You can take charge of your life! Don't tell your husband what needs done, just find a way to do it. Find a way to get the heifers bred, or eat or sell one of them. What breed are they? If they are a dairy breed you can get a fortune for them right now, especially bred. Order or hatch some new chicks in the next couple of months and make the old ones into soup. If that's too much trouble, give them to someone who will eat them, or kill them and bury them in the garden or just kill them and throw them away. I know that's wasteful, but sometimes when you're overwhelmed it's just easier. As for the garden, you don't need a tiller. I deep mulch our garden with cow bedding. It smothers the weeds, fertilizes the soil, holds in moisture, and the earthworms that thrive under the mulch loosen the soil. To plant just pull back the mulch, plant your plant and put the mulch back. For seeds, pull back the mulch, plant the seeds, and put a thinner layer of mulch back over them till they get going good then tuck the mulch back around them. Well, I know this is getting very long. Your situation just sorta struck home with me and I thought maybe I could help. Get on some vitamins, and when you start feeling better you will be amazed how much your outlook changes and what you can accomplish. Please let us know how you're doing, and please feel free to email me directly.

-- Paula (chipp89@bellsouth.net), January 11, 2002.

Wow, Harmony! Look at all these people who want you to make it! I agree with one of the folks (not sure which...there's too many to remember) that you need do something, so take the chickens in and get that buck rabbit. There's nothing like babies to cheer up us females.

As for my advice....Pick 3 or 4 sewing projects you want to do before spring (it's a goal) then just hang on to your marbles til spring. Some sun on your bones and work that really shows results will work wonders. I know this is what I'm having to do right now. By the way, where are you? We're in western Oregon and boy is the rain taxing at times.

Anyway, hang on and post for a little boost any 'ol time! Thinkin of you, Cara

-- Cara Dailey (daileyd@agalis.net), January 11, 2002.

Happy Birthday Harmony

My wife Ann sews as do many others here!! I haven't seen so many responses in agreement in all of my time posting and reading 'round here!!

You have to be willing to give more than your share in a relationship to make up for any deficit on your partner's behalf. It's never 50-50.

Post any questions you have, general or specific, weekly or daily if you like, and you'll have started Harmony's Sewing Thread! (Pun intended.)

You should visit Melissa's forum, if you haven't. It's like a little community over there, and I think you'd like it. E-mail me if you don't know how to get there.

Also, about the heifers. How about butchering one, freeze some, but sell most of the meat. Rent a truck or pay to truck in hay, and breed the other. Chicks and baby rabbits- a no brainer.

Take one step at a time.

In the direction of your choice. We are at a tough age, but we'll make it!!

-- Rick (Rick_122@hotmail.com), January 11, 2002.

I think we all go through this at one time or another! I'll be 47 next month and I look aroung at a house that needs work, we have too much STUFF (I would use the other word but you get the picture), Our farm is 15 miles away from our house. DH works full time away and I work part time.Our farm: We have 8 dogs (6 are drop offs) and three heifers(bred) and a borrowed bull. The barn should be tore down and a new one started. BUT this life is much better than living in the big city and having nothing. I have no friends who sew,so They all think I'm so gifted :). We have a big-great garden and share with the friends and family. Your husband may feel over whelmed also. Maybe you should start a 'wish' list together. Find out what he wants and needs and then you'll be able to go forward. Hang in there... It gets better. Let us hear from you!

-- Debbie T in N.C. (rdtyner@mindspring.com), January 11, 2002.

New insights. I looked out side two days ago, and was mad, and ready to give up... We like on a small place that we will pay for for the next 27 years, unless we can pull a rabbit out of a hat and quick. We have no tiller- the garden was dug by hand, in rock solid red clay. The feed bills can be enormous, for our 100 plus rabbits, 2 goats, 1 horse and chickens. We have bought hay in the summer, so have plenty to last, but it cost us 600 dollars. We were hoping to sell the excess, but no luck there. The vehicles we drive are ancient. Most of the parts that keep the vehicles running are homemade, and sometimes dont do all that well. The farm is a mud hole right now. I sold all of our good firewood in order to make the house payment. And, I think a good anology can be drawn by looking at that firewood. You see, all the fire wood we are stuck with is green pine. It wont light, it actually puts the fire out. We have a cord or more of this green pine. If you went out and looked at it- its depressing. Cold nights of 18 degrees, and all this wood and none will burn. So, after going through depression and rage at not lighting the stove, I went outside and took up the axe. I began splitting all that pile of useless wood into smaller pieces. Smaller and smaller, until it was less than an inch round. The I carted it to the stove. You know what? That fire wood lighted. Cutting it smaller allowed the flames opportunity to light the stuff. Once in a while, I am even able to put one of the rermaining larger chunks on and its hot enough to handle even that. The stack of unburnable fire wood is like all the problems facing us- all together, they are impossible. Break down each one into smaller and smaller ones, and just handle it. Once in a while, you can even handle a bigger problem with out the flame of homesteadinng going out! I woke the next day- warm for once, and ready to tackle some on the to do list on the homestead. Every one has problems. Homesteaders face tham and win.

-- Kevin in NC (Vantravlrs@aol.com), January 11, 2002.

Where are you Harmony? State will be enough info for a public forum. I'll bet there is someone nearby that could email you for a meeting of new friends.

-- Mona in OK (modoc@ipa.net), January 11, 2002.

I've saved this post for the next time I need encouragement.

Harmony, I'm a homesteader and retired home economics teacher. I've made suits for my husband and I'd be delighted to talk sewing with you any time. I'm also a spinner, knitter, wannabe weaver (I better be because I own 5 looms), gardener, critter lover and keeper, etc.

What did you see out your window that has make you smile? Good luck and we are all pulling for you.

-- marilyn (rainbow@ktis.net), January 11, 2002.

This winter, when I started feeling overwhelmed, I sarted setting aside some time every day for me to do what I felt needing doing for MY benefit! No one elses-just MINE! It really did make me feel more centered.

The garden is not difficult: there are times to do it yourself and times to hire help. People with tillers advertize in the spring. Would it take some of the pressure off if you reminded yourself that tiller doesn't HAVE to get fixed this winter? Good if it does, but it isn't really necessary.

A local butcher can put you in touch with someonewith a truck who can help you get that cow where she needs to be. He might also be able to assist you with selling half of it, if you want him to. Or, you could probably post an ad in a local feed store. Or, you could call whoever you bought those heifers from and ask if you could hire room on the next half-full truck he sends to market and you could sell one. Or, he may give a ride to a young bull on the way back, and when you are done with the bull you can send him back to market. You may make a profit or a loss on the bull, the A.I. man is cheap.

The point that I am trying to make is that I have felt almost as overwhelmed as you do now. Sometimes it isn't good to try to do it all. Give yourself a break, give your husband a break-he might feel overwhelmed also! Think more about what would make you feel better, and less about what you feel you SHOULD be doing! I once heard a nun in a very responsible position say "Thou shalt not SHOULD apon Thyself"! So now, when I feel overwhelmed, I sometimes ask myself if there isn't an easy way to feel less pressured? Instead of what I feel I SHOULD be doing?

If you can't bring yourself to butcher the chickens, post a for sale ad in a feed store that has a bulletin board, keep a couple for pets if you want, and use the money to buy chicks or an incubator or whatever would bring you PLEASURE. Keep the money as profit if you wish! NO LAW SAYS YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND HAVE TO DO IT ALL!

-- Terri (hooperterri@prodigy.net), January 11, 2002.

I had never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would get 38 responses to my "throw in the towel idea". I read them all and was actually "happy" to see I wasn't in a sinking boat by myself. I wish you could all come over for coffee ( except the guy that said to go ahead and throw in the towel). I really do need to find some other women who enjoy the homesteading lifestyle. I live in Southeastern Ohio if any of you are close. I printed out all the responses and will refer to them from time to time to help keep my priorities straight. The jury will remain out for a while on the hubby. God Bless all of you for reaching out to someone in need. Harmony

-- Harmony (harmonyfarm57@hotmail.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony, I live in Se Ohio! You can e-mail me of you like or check out Country Families. We actually have a listing right now of where people live.

melissa_n65@hotmail.com

-- Melissa (me@home.net), January 11, 2002.

So, if you give up, how old will you be?

-- Ed Copp (OH) (edcopp@yahoo.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony, Happy Birthday. Do not throw in the towel. I don't really have anyone around who shares my homestead interest either but I keep going, doing what I think is right and at times getting downright frustrated. Take a walk in the woods, listen to the sounds or the quietness of it and think about the city with all the noise and hurry. Enjoy your walk, take a lunch and go sit by a brook and listen to it flow. Listen to the birds in the trees. Sit outside at night and look at the stars. Do some projects that need to be done for yourself by yourself. If you give up in a few months you'll regret it. If your husband doesn't share your homesteading interest than accept it and homestead because that is what you want. 45 is not old, you are a young woman. I believe that we let other people or ourselves convince us that a certain age is old. I am 41 and i'll tell you I put most teens and 20-30 yr olds to shame when it comes to manual labor and endurance. I agree that winter time makes most of us feel blah but, come spring we are ready to get to it. I notice that as late fall sets in the yard looks bad and I give up for the winter then I can't get out into the yard to do alot of the things I would do in the summer and I get restless and bored. I think you are probably itching to get things done but feel overwhelmed when you look around and feel that you can't get it done without you husbands help, prove to yourself that you can by taking on one task at a time. If you feel that one job is to much to do at once than give yourself a break from that job and start another don't be affraid to do a little today and leave some for tommorrow. We all have these days no matter who we are, where we live, or who we're with. Hang in there better days will come.

-- george (bngcrview@aol.com), January 11, 2002.

Hi Harmony, I agree with Paula, vitamins are a BIG help. I always take a dose of B complex when I start feeling depressed along with vitamin E. It always seems to work for me. If you can't run out to get the vitamins, look up what veggies you can eat especially the B complex ones. Hope your feeling a little better today, hang in there- One Day At A Time!

-- Sandie in Maine (peqbear@maine.rr.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony - I wish you lived near me. I need someone to teach me to sew. And I'm looking at 49 in a couple of months! My daughter wants to sew, but I can't teach her because I don't know how.

Are you willing to relocate to eastern Washington? :)

God bless!

-- Bonnie (stichart@plix.com), January 11, 2002.

Hi, Harmony, I live in Kansas, and no one I know is into homesteading either, that's why I log on here. I really like it here, why don't you log on here whenever you feel like talking? We'd love to hear more from you.

-- Terri (hooperterri@prodigy.net), January 11, 2002.

Harmony - Happy Birthday! Happy Special Day! Happy "Your" Day! Everything else (and that, too)has been said - isn't the "family" here GREAT?!?! Wishing you the very best in all you set your hand and heart to do!

-- Phil in KS (pemccoy@yahoo.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony,where are you in Southeastern Ohio? Your support group may be closer than you think.

homestead2

-- homestead2 (homestead@localnetplus.com), January 11, 2002.

Harmony, Look at the responses, we all want you to hang in there. We all have those rough days. Support is always closer then you think, where are you located? You are so blessed with your livestock, but I know winter is rough! One of those past prime hens would make a fine soup, so you and your husband could sit and chat. Keep us posted....

-- Suzanne (weir@frontiernet.net), January 12, 2002.

Hi Harmony, I'm sorry you've been feeling badly. I know it can be frustrating when you don't have friends nearby who share your interests. I was thinking that to find other women who have an interest in homesteading-type things, you might check out the local spinners and weavers guild. Around here, they meet once a month. Even if you aren't interested in spinning, there are most likely people there who own fiber animals - sheep, goats, llamas, alpacas, rabbits, etc. - and probably own other animals as well. These are usually women who have at least some interest in some types of homesteading endeavors. Asking around, you might even find some who like sewing! So that's one idea.

I know things can get overwhelming. Sometimes you just have to step back a bit. So, OK, the tiller's broken and you just don't have the time or money or inclination to fix it. Plan on a tiny garden, then, or no garden at all. It won't kill you to buy produce for one season, and the extra time can be spent making other facets of the homestead more efficient. Then you'll have LOTS of time next year for the best garden ever!

And incidentally, sometimes finding other people to socialize with can take some of the pressure off your primary relationship and allow it to breathe and relax a little. It can allow you and your husband to miss each other a little bit, too, so you can start remembering why it is that you're together. So try to spend some of that extra gardening time getting out of the house and spending time with your new girlfriends. (Spinning and chatting is an EXCELLENT way to pass many hours in the company of women.) I don't know much about your situation, obviously, but people with active interests are always more attractive than couch potatoes. And enthusastic activity is contagious! I wish you and your husband all the best, Harmony.

-- Laura Rae Jensen (lrjensen@nwlink.com), January 12, 2002.

Oh my gosh! I just re-read my answer and it kind of looks like I was saying you were a couch potato! Not at all! I don't think that's even close to possible with all you have going on! What I meant was . . . If you can find something to get really excited, even passionate, about, (maybe something new, maybe a new way of seeing something old) your passion might catch the attention of your husband and draw the two of you closer together. There, that's more like it!

-- Laura Rae Jensen (lrjensen@nwlink.com), January 12, 2002.

Sorry this response is so late (I haven't been on the computer for several days--teenage daughters hogging it up). I've had those kind of days (and even weeks). Don't EVER throw in the towel! I found my beautiful rooster dead this morning, I raised him this last summer, now no rooster for my hens (I do have two others--but not like him). It wasn't how I wanted to start my day. I have no idea what happened to him. I planted a beautiful fall garden and we went away for a few days, the fence was down when we got back and between the deer and the guineas all of my hard work was for nought. Somehow one of my storage barrels let water in and ruined all of my stored corn (stinky mess). This all happened the last few days. I am 45 and sometimes wonder what I'm doing, then I wish I were 20 so I could do it over and better. Then I tell myself, what is stopping me now and try one more time! We all have times of disappointment--ya just gotta get up smile and go on. Don't throw in the towel on your husband either-- prayer works wonders! I don't live in Ohio, but I can sew; so surely there is someone close to you who can. Chin up! As Scarlett O'Hara (Gone With The Wind) would say, "tomorrow's another day!"

-- Sharon (spangenberg@hovac.com), January 12, 2002.

On the husband issue, remember Ann Landers advice: "Am I better off with or without this spouse?" It is a yes or no question. You answer will provide a course of direction.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), January 12, 2002.

Harmony, I live in Monroe county, just NE of Woodsfield, e-mail me privately and I'll send you my phone number and address if you like. Been there, and done that, but almost didn't make it!

-- Annie Miller in SE OH (annie@1st.net), January 12, 2002.

Hi Harmony,

Right now I have a single, white, female three year old rabbit who does nothing but eat. I also have two roosters that are hanging out in the yard doing nothing as I just sold all my older hens and their roosters for a buck apiece. Some were laying, some weren't, but the thought of killing twenty nine two and three year old hens that were going to be too tough to eat was not good. The calf that we have been nursing for over a month caught pneumonia and died during the snow storm, and my old rottie has a tumor that is going to cost us plenty to remove. Our well pump went out right at Thanksgiving.

My thought lately has been "what the heck am I putting myself through all this grief for?" But then I have to think back to those days of living in a duhdivision (subdivision) where I couldn't even have a dog unless she was chained or penned all the time, no chickens were allowed, don't even think of bringing in a calf or heaven forbid a horse, and I have to admit that this mess I see right now at the farm is better than those dreary days. Sure the work was less as I had an acre lot, a new house (and it had central heat), but the neighbors were unfriendly and at one time I lived next door to a couple for two years and neither one ever spoke to me. I tried to be friendly, but they were all in rush and too busy to chat.

Harmony, I can't advise you about your relationship except don't do anything in haste. But I can tell you that the folks here on this forum are certainly friendly, concerned, and kind and most are brimming over with good advice. I can't sew a lick, but I know a pretty fair amount about horses. Vickie and Bernice are the goat ladies here, and I am sure that you have a skill to advise others on as well. You said you sew and I saw that many of the women here also sew, so you now a sewing circle of friends.

Sometimes when I want to throw in the towel on my whole way of life, I go for a walk and mentally list the things that are bothering me the most. Then I deal with each one separately, like my old hens. I wasn't going to ask my DH to kill a bunch of old hens that neither of us wanted to eat as stewers. So I basically cut my losses by selling them as a lot and now I have the money to get some young chicks. I have been contemplating that white rabbit. What do you do with an old doe that is not just past her prime, but will need a little bunny wheelchair soon? Well, after a lot of thought, she really doesn't eat that much and probably won't survive a move, so she gets to stay, but we figured out that rabbits aren't for us. We don't want to breed and then kill them for food. Guess it's too much like eating the Easter bunny. But that's just us. Maybe you have too much going on right now, so if you cut back a bit and decide on what's really important, you can make some headway. Maybe just one cow, and a few young chickens and a smaller garden?

We are here, write anytime and be assured that at least one person will write you back within a few minutes. We all are overwhelmed at times. Maybe your husband may be just as overwhelmed as you are (most men won't talk about it either!!)so you might have to ask, poke and pry a bit. It's funny but when I get into a "I just can't get nothing done phase", my husband takes over and carries on. When he gets into his "Why are we doing this phase", I take over and carry on. Sometimes neither of us feel like working and sometimes we both are going like gangbusters. It is nice knowing that we support each other. But that didn't happen overnight either. We work at it every day, putting the same effort and consideration into our relationship as we do into our working farm.

Another consideration - try a mini vacation with your hubby - go somewhere very different from a farm. Bet you will see things a bit differently when you come home. It works for us everytime. We go to the beach and after two days, we start wondering how the animals are, we call home, then we decide we're baked enough and that last hundred miles as we drive, we keep saying how glad we will be when we get home. And when we get home, we know we are still doing the right thing- we're just so terribly glad to be at the farm. Take care and let us know how you are doing, Cindy

-- Cindy (colawson@mindspring.com), January 12, 2002.

Harmony, I suspect you no longer feel quite so alone, but now you know exactly how much company you have! And I would be willing to bet that we are just a drop in the bucket!

My advice is that you need to do something for Harmony. What have you wanted to do for a long time that you haven't done? It doesn't necessarily have to be a homesteading thing, or it might. It shouldn't be a project (since goodness knows, we all have too many of those going already!), but just something you've toyed with doing and never have.

You might want to see if you can find some people in you area who are interested in just one or two aspects of your lifestyle. Talk to the extension agent and find someone else in the area who raises one of the types of livestock that you do. Even if they are an hour away, that gives you a road trip to go check out their place and make connections. Talk to the people at the fabric store or at the local Grange Hall or the quilting shop to find other people who sew. Even if you don't quilt, you might want to find a quilting group in your area and take your scraps to a quilting swap. You would meet new people who sew and enjoy a common interest.

Finally, sit down and list all the attributes of that man of yours. Then make a list of all the things that he does that are getting you down THAT HE DIDN'T DO WHEN YOU WERE MARRIED. If the second list is longer than the first one, this may not be the man you married. If it isn't, maybe you're the one who has changed. Change can be good, but you may have to work out how the two of you can work as a team again. That's tough work!

We're all cheering you on (except Rick#7 and he does have an odd sense of humor, doesn't he?!).

-- Sheryl in ME (Radams@sacoriver.net), January 12, 2002.

Harmony. After seeing your post, I intended to enter my 2 cents worth of advice but anything that I would have said would be nothing compared to the dollar's worth that most others gave you. Many of us have stories about "been there, done that" and still survived. If life were easy, there would still be a Garden of Eden and life would be easy. I'm pre-War and grew up with crank telephones (4 longs and 3 shorts was our ring) and 2 teams of horses (2 brown mares and their sons, black geldings) and farm had just been electrified about that time. We had the world by the tail. Still meant that if we saw storm clouds rolling in, we'd get set for milking 38 cows by hand. Then really went modern in 1949 and bought a Ford tractor, the only thing at the time that would work on our steep hillside fields. Sold one of the mares to be used in snaking out logs. Then the best of the geldings slipped and died while bucking into a snowdrift while hauling out manure in snow up to my behind. It was the only time that I ever saw my grandfather and uncle cry! It was the end of the world for them as they knew it. From the mouths of babes comes wisdom. I said that we still had 2 horses, mother and son, so we still could do the work. Yes, 2 horses but both right hand! I was just a young teenager and was the only person who could ride those geldings. Told my grandfather and uncle that Prince would switch to left side of the tongue if I told him to. He didn't like it but we had an eyeball to eyeball talk and with the help of a few bites from his mother, Prince decided to become lefthanded. When my uncle saw that, it was all uphill after that and we could look forward to getting the fieldwork done in the spring. Bottom line is that sometimes we have to hit rock bottom and where we go from there depends upon what we are made of. If nothing but soft mud, we land and just splatter and never can come back. If there is any "rubber" in us, we are able to bounce right back. You've got heifers, chickens, and rabbits. I envy you now that I'm living in the city and get complaints about my pigeons. You've got a lot of lemons in your life, my dear, now get out there and make the world's best lemonade! Marty

-- Martin Longseth (paquebot@merr.com), January 15, 2002.