I'm 14 years old, and obviously, I've had the same parents all my life. Ever since i can remember I had been spanked for "discipline". But my parents have recently stopped spanking me because they thought i was too old. That was this past summer...going into my freshman year in high school. Some events have occured in the past few months though. While my dad was away on buisness, my sister, my mom, and I were all at a little hometown concert with some friends. On the way home, my mom started to get a little aggitated because she said i was talking to much in the drive through for Dairy Queen. I was only talking to my sister about the concert. The rest of the way home, she drove a little too fast and I would comment and say "mom...slow down a little bit", and she would just get more aggitated with me. Right before pulling into the neighborhood my mom told me to stop picking on her about how she drove, and I just replied with "I'm sorry mom, but I dont want you to drive bad when I'm in the car!" That made her really mad. She pulled into the driveway too fast and started to jerk on and off the break. When she pulled into the garage, i got out of the car and shortly after she yelled to get back in the car, and i just said no. Shortly after my mom and sister came into the house yelling at each other. My mom came into the room but refused to talk to me until i was "more calm" but I wanted to talk right then but she just kept trying to leave. That's when she covered my mouth to get me to "shut up" and grabbed my face while doing it. I pulled her hand away just to get the reply of a grab and choke of my neck while she was trying to pin me down. My sister witnessed this and called my dad. To this day my mom still deny's it. Is that abuse? and if so...what should I do? My dad also recently spanked me with a yard stick so hard that it broke. My mom and dad have also spanked me numerous times within the past 2 years for tings i had nothing to do with. Such as "This is for not unloading the dishwasher, and this is for the dishes being in the sink in the first place! And this is for the dog pooping in the living room the other night..." and so on. I've been spanked on the 'rear end' many times to where i've had bruises. and also times where they've missed my legs and hit my back and my legs. And they've also 'spanked' me with a belt, a shoe, and wooden paddle, a wooden stirring spoon, and the hand. Again, I'm asking if this is qualified as abuse and if so..please help me.

-- Anonymous, December 30, 2001

Answers

Amber, there is an online support group called safe-support that would be a good place to ask this question. Directions for joining are on the safe4all.org webpage. If you wanted, you could just copy and paste your letter there, and I'm sure you'd get a helpful response.

-- Anonymous, December 31, 2001

being spanked by dad is his duty as a father

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2002

I'd definately consider it abuse. If I were you I'd call the police. Or tell a trusted adult that could help and maybe contact the police for you. But you must tell some one! I know it's hard to talk about it, but trust me if you tell you'll feel a lot better. Things will get easier. I should know.

-- Anonymous, November 25, 2002

There is always two sides to a story. Do you follow the rules or make a habit of breaking the rules? This often dictates how your parents treat you. Parents can get fed up, make mistakes and have poor judgment. After all they are human. Did your mom ask you to quite down in the drive through? Did you do it? If you are contributing to how your parents treat you, maybe you already have the answer to your question. If you are honestly being abused, talk to your councilor about the problem. If you feel like you are going to get injured, call the police. Just remember to be honest and unselfish before passing judgment on your parents!

-- Anonymous, January 04, 2003

Hello. My name is Rhianna Wilson. I am the daughter of an abusive father and if what you are saying is true, then yes, you are also the child of abuse. I do not know how often it happens to you, but never give up hope. I gave up hope, but I have changed my life for the better. I am fifteen years old, am homeschooled by my best friend's mother, but I still live with my father. I made a promise to my mother that I would stay until I was 18 and of legal age. In three years, I will leave and marry my boyfriend, Phillip. If you are the child of sexually or physical abuse (which I am the child of both), then you do indeed need to talk to a counselor or a very trusted adult. I have tried this, but it does not seem to work for me. Do not give up hope. There is someone in this world who will believe you. Look hard enough, and you shall find that person. God Bless!

Rhianna

-- Anonymous, January 14, 2003

hmm that is a hard one im a firm beliver in spankings. i have a 8 year old daughter who ive had to spank at least once on her bare bottom. she hated it but later told me she was sorry. what your dad did isnt wrong especally since you are still a teen. what your mom did on the other hand is considered wrong. putting her hands around your neck that is. im sure you dont like my answer but as a dad i have to do whatever it takes to keep my daughter in line without crossing that line. talk to a friend about it maybe they can help.

-- Anonymous, July 29, 2003