My son is continuously verbally abusive to myself and his younger sister-but especially me. He will do it in the presence of his father but not as much. We do have him in counciling due to his behavior and the fact that he has tourette syndrome and is obsessive compulsive doesn't help matters.He is usually remorsful but that is short lived and he is just very angry. I know, he needs help and we're getting it but it's very slow going. He is on 2 medications and weekly counciling but I'm ready to split or send him away. I am at the end of my rope. I don't deserve to be treated rudely. Please reply with any sugestions or info. you may have. Thanks.

-- Anonymous, December 26, 2001

Answers

Dear Donna, How are you? Before I go any further, please accept an cyber hug from me. :) I got to the end of my rope last 2 Saturdays ago, when my 15 year old son shoved me. That was it. He is now in Jamaica with family and he is very shocked. Didn't believe I could do it. But the trick is that I didn't tell him that would have 3 very big strong men in the house at 5:30 in the morning to escort us to the airport. Needless to say, he did not stand a chance. And as you and I know, the only stop is in Jamaica.

Donna, I was very angry to discover that there are hundreds of sites for abused children and very little, if any, for us parents who are perpetually held hostage my our angry teen sons.

I notice that your not was dated December, and I trust that your son is out of your house by now. I was in the process of placing mine outside of the home - boarding sschool. However, the situation became urgent, and I know that the Lord has a hand in it. For I now know that he is where he should be.

Listen girlfriend, you must remove the boy from the home as soon as possible. You will be helping him, the rest of the family and those he will build relationships with later on.

Will be praying for you.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2002

I think that you should not give you hopes up keeppraying!

thanks bye!!

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2003

March 28th, 2003 This was the date my 18 year old son hit me. He now has one month to get out of the house. I found no support for parents that are abused by their children. Next time the police will be called. I recommend getting the child out because the risks are higher it woll happen again.

-- Anonymous, March 29, 2003

dear Donna. Some times the hardest thing you will have to do is to kick your son out of the house. I know I am in the process of getting the police involved in taking my son out right this immediate moment. Boy does it hurt.

Its nice to know that I am not alone and there are other parents that are suffering because of there teenage sons. I have two other children that were like that and I asked them to leave. I shipped one over to europe to stay with family and didn't let her back into the house when she returned. it has been 4 months now and she still won't talk to me. My second son I told him that if he didn't like my rules there was the door and he took the door. That was in august and he still hasn't talked to me.

Just remember that its all done for their good and you can take a horse to water but you can't make them drink. All the love you give them won't matter to them because they are always right and you are always wronge.

God Bless all those parents and kids out there. I hope that the parents have some sort of peace and the kids learn that they can't push around or control the parents.

Cathrene

-- Anonymous, April 01, 2003

hi, I prayed to God...or the Devil himself,,,, so that I could get pregnant! It took 7- years... but..I finally had a wonderful baby girl. sad...but..now she is 14 and in trouble with cops for breaking into people's homes...drinking..skipping school...messing up her room..writing on walls....I try to give her a hug...she says ...She hates it if I touch her...I got her out of being actually arrested!! She hits her brother...(Who by The way) is a perfect child...he is beautiful...good in school..no problems... I believe she is only interested in her friends...and cruel and wicked to me...she hates where she lives...I love it...it's a nice home ..with a big yard...but..she is always bored... she says her home life sucks...school sucks...she smokes...and will smoke anything!!what can you do to a child that doesn't want anyone to love her..hug her...I feel I failed..school counseling doesn't help ...what does?? Thanks for any and all e-mails:) anmalovr78@aol.com

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2003

I am going through similar issues with my daughter who will turn 15 next week. To sum it up -- she is verbally and physically abusive and blames me for everything. She is currently in a psychiatric hospital as of this past Wednesday evening after she assaulted me because I told her to get off of the telephone. While waiting for the police to arrive -- she broke everything that she could get her hands on -- slashed her wrists and tried to jump out her bedroom window. This is her second hospitalization -- the first time she was hospitalized because she ran away and said that she tried to kill herself -- she was diagnosed as depressed and put on Paxil and assigned outpatient therapy. After 3 months of outpatient therapy her therapist said she could not help her anymore and we as parents didn't know what to do. Shortly after she assaulted me for the first time and I ended up in the emergency room. I contacted the police and asked that she be removed from the home because she threatened to kill me -- I was told that the police could not do that. The police instructed my husband and I to go to court to file a CHINS (Child in Need of Services) agreement. This documented what the rules in the house are -- it was put in writing that she needed to obey the house rules, not run away - - which she has done several times -- do her schoolwork -- she went from a staight A student to failing all classes -- and attending weekly counseling at the courthouse. It was made clear to her at court when we filed this agreement that if she violated the agreement, she could be removed from the home and be put into foster care. She has violated every aspect of our agreement. This agreement protects the parents and the child. The first time she was hospitalized was only for one week and I expect her to be hospitalized longer this time. After that she may end up in foster care. My husband and I have to meet with her probation officer this afternoon.

I love her and always will -- but I can no longer control her behavior and I am not going to live in fear in my own home. If you are being abused by your child, you must involve the police. You must protect yourself and any other children in your home. I live in Massachusetts but I believe that the CHINS agreements are nationwide.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2003

How do you anser or give advice not knowing the circumstances. This exactly what is happining to me. My daughter is out of control or was i should say. She has been abusive for the last 4 years It all ended today. She is 17 and a few months old. I hit my breaking point and slapped her after 2 1/2 hours then i called the police before i got any more out of control. well i was aressted for domestic voiolence and now i cant even go home when she is there. so she has free run of my house with whoever she wants and i have to stay away of face going to jail. I was widowed 2 years ago my wife died of breast cancer. My daughter was extremley cruel to her the last years of her life. Now i have hit my limits i will abandoned my daughter, never to see her again. I know this sounds cruel but it somting i have to do not only save my sanity to save life. It is sad but I have lost all my love for her. I do not believe she is my daughter any more. I know that she will have a rough go of it and who knows what will happen to her but at this point i realy do not care. This has been building for 4 years. I wish you the best because far as i am concerned i have lost my wife and now my daughter. Thanks for reading this Randy otto4@earthlink.net

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2003

I believe setting limits on how others treat you is the bottom line to go by...that includes our children. I have a 22 yr old son who was verbally abusive then emotionally abusive then threatening physical abusive until I kicked him out at age 17 instead of calling the police, I knew he could go to a friend's couch with a mother he seemed to respect, so I thought that was better than the police. He now has been kicked out of the service for using drugs, has quit several jobs in 2 years, drinks regularly plus drug use and sees nothing wrong with it. ALthough I've tried to keep in touch by phone, giving him groceries when he's hinted he didn't have enough, now I don't call at all because he blows up at anything and is extremely verbally abusive. I don't recognize him at all. He also is dirty and his apartment is wretched and since he's behind in rent, he's about to be homeless. We told him he could not come back home. We did not tell him to get help, because he surely knows this, he is very smart. I worry constantly but same time separate who I am and who he is; also learned to set strong limits, although now this means I can't even phone. It is just sad, and I think I'm going to hear one of these days he's dead. Short of kidnapping him to a treatement center, I don't think there's anything else to do. Support would be great for anybody else who's gone through this. Good luck to everyone. Susan

-- Anonymous, June 27, 2003