How many does it take to change a light bulb?

(I have added a few myself)

Q. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Q. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs; they simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

Q. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Change?

Q.How many Neo-Orthodox people does it take to change a light bulb?

A. No one knows. They aren't capable of telling the difference between light and darkness.

Q. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One. but for the message of the light to continue, send in your "seed-faith" donation today!

Q. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Only one, because any more than that might result in too much cooperation.

Q. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

A. At least ten, as they will need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb even exists. Even if they do reach an agreement on the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it in order to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

Q. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. Catholics don't use light bulbs - they use candles.

Q. How many "progressive" members of independent Christian Churches are needed to change a light bulb?

A. It depends on what kind of light bulbs work best or happen to be in fashion.

Q. How many "conservative" members of the independent Christian Churches are needed to change a light bulb?

A. One to actually change the light bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

Q. How many Church of Christ (non-instrument) people are needed to change a light bulb?

A. None. Light bulbs are not mentioned in the New Testament, therefore they are prohibited.

Q. How many United Methodist dies it take to change a light bulb?

A. This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that's fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with the your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long life and tinted - all of which are equally valid paths of luminescence."

Q. How many Disciples of Christ (Christian Church) members are needed to change a light bulb?

A. The same number as the United Methodists.

Q. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

A. "What is a light bulb?"

Q. How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Youth pastors are not around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

Q. How many Southern Baptists dies it take to change a light bulb?

A. 109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-Committee, who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Executive Finance Committee of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27-member Church Board, which appoints another 12-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and the congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, which in turn appoints a 7-member committee to find the best price for new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware store has the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23-member Ethics Committee to make certain that the hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board which then commissions the Trustee Board which then commissions the Trustee in charge of the janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

Answers

I got one....

How many does it take to change a light bulb in the non-instrumental church of Christ???

Answer....None....LIGHTBULBS ARE NOT AUTHORIZED!!!!

Man I slay myself!!!

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

Danny,

I'm pretty sure I included that one.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Haaaaahhhh Haahh hhaaaaah! Man, now THAT is funny!

-- Anonymous, December 20, 2001