A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

"Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Q.Why didn't superman know he could fly? A.Because he didn't know his "Cape Abilities." ~~~~~~ How does a man on the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it. ~~~~~~ The surgeon was unfamiliar with the new leg operation. It was too hip for him. ~~~~~~ My friends and I always use fruit instead of chips when we play poker. Last week I won with two pear. ~~~~~ Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows. Therefore, he'd visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed and gave excellent milk. But the news got around about the cows. They became known as the laughing stock of the community. ~~~~~~~~~~~~` My friend said that he had dogs that talked in their sleep. Skeptical, I went to see. In front of the fireplace lay a hound fast asleep. He mumbled "I've just written a best seller." Later, he said, "I've just returned from the moon." I was impressed and said so. "But, he tells lies," I said. "Yes, he does," said my friend. "But that's OK. When you have a talking dog, you've got to make allowances. I find that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. ~~~ Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said "Boat For Sale" next to some farm equipment. This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it. "Hey Ole," said Sven, "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says ' 'Boat For Sale,' but ya don't even have a boat. All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and combine." Ole calmly replied "Yup, and they're boat for sale."

(Groaning?? Do I hear groaning??)

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), December 11, 2001

Answers

hehehe I haven't heard any good Sven and Ole jokes since I graduated from Michigan Tech, waaay up in the UP. Thanks!

-- Sherri C (CeltiaSkye@aol.com), December 11, 2001.

Yaaah, Ken! That was a great way to start the day! Thank you.

-- Cara Dailey (daileyd@agalis.net), December 11, 2001.

Das ist gut jokes! heeheehee!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), December 11, 2001.