WE all know that we aint perfect, we aren't always politically correct, we can't always put a smile on someones face, and every once in a while do the opposite. But what do we do when find out that we've possibly hurt someone, and if we feel hurt about something, how do we react? The human mind, sometimes is very easy going.."thats okay , i forgive you, dont worry about it" and other times " well what was that supposed to mean?, yeah thanks a lot!-dripping with sarcasm ". We all deal with our sometimes loving , sometimes cruel tongue. It can be used to look out for other people, or to just protect our selves and make sure we're not being attacked in any way. Lately i'v been tired and affected by things easily, of course this makes me very wary of things around me and people who annoy me. Siblings, etc. I dont' usually say the right things, only this year have i learned more to SHUT THE TRAP. Today i got an email from a close friend.. "Obviously you've been opening your BIg Mouth again.." I am confused and dont' know what i did wrong. But hopefully i will be able to take this well and just hope that she will forgive me. I did not purposely do anything wrong, so it is up to her weither or not she takes it wrong. If we do not intentionally insult someone with something we say, all we can do when they get upset it is apologise. I guess just in how i'v seen people get upset because so and so offended them, makes me think. A lot of the time these people have offended someone, they come back confused, because they didnt' know they were saying anything offensive. Hopefully in growing and in the time we have with our family and friends, we will use our time more for forgiving and loving , then picking what someone said, and holding grudges. I'm thankful there is a GOd who will forgive us for all our short comings. Its a treasure when people forgive us the same way.

-- jillian (sweetunes483@yahoo.com), November 12, 2001

Answers

Hi, Jillian, indeed it is a treasure when people forgive. Yesterday, I published an article on this very subject. Someone apologized to me, and I might have been the one who needed most to apologize, but he took all the wind out of my sails. Was a great moment. I'm taking the liberty of posting my short article here, since deals with your subject; if it's not appropriate, I'll trust Melissa to whack it out. -- Apologize
by Randal Matheny
Forthright Magazine
A brother and I had a disagreement. He telephoned me and spoke sharply. The next day, I went to church prepared, with Scriptures in hand, to show him the truth of the matter. I had it all planned out: I would ask to meet with him privately and explain calmly but firmly what should be done in this situation. He was ready for me, too. We greeted one another warmly, since we have a good relationship overall. Greetings over, he proceeded to apologize. I was ready to go head-to-head, but he, the wiser man, took the humble route and gained the upper hand. Somehow, my list of Scriptures went to the dugout. Yes, we still sat and talked. We did not skirt the issue nor drop the matter. But thanks to a simple apology, he guaranteed that the tone of our conversation would be upbeat, friendly, and full of confidence in one another. So take a small step today. Just come out and say it. Apologize. "I'm sorry for . . ." You'll be glad you did. "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" (Col. 3:12, NIV).

-- Randal in Brazil (randal@rhyme.cjb.net), November 13, 2001.

Well, the formatting got lost, but the thought remains intact....

-- Randal (randal@rhyme.cjb.net), November 13, 2001.

Very good story!! I think the first step is to get over the need to always be right... this single thing causes more arguments between spouses, brotheres and sisters, and friends. Every once in a while, just give in a little. There are many times, two sides of a story, and if it isn't scripturally set in stone, maybe it wouldn't hurt to look at the others point of view with a truly open mind.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), November 13, 2001.

You're so right about the drive to be right. At least, from my shortcomings it's true, and I think most men have this problem. I'm sure it's not just a man thing, but especially a masculine hurdle.

-- Randal (randal@rhyme.cjb.net), November 13, 2001.

Hello Jillian, There use to be a time when people did not attempt to be politically correct (prior to the civil rights act in 1964). Now, everyone is use to communicating their feelings about many subjects, using the correct words as not to offend minorities, sexes, religions, cultures, etc. When old-timers fail to follow the trend, they are bashed as being prejudiced. This "cliche" is embedded in the younger people. I myself still have a hard time with it, as I prefer to call "a rose...a rose". Sincerely, Ernest

-- http://communities.msn.com/livingoffthelandintheozarks (espresso42@hotmail.com), November 13, 2001.

Ernest you are so right!! Sometimes I sit down here to type something, and by the time I tweak it around to make sure I don't offend anyone, it isn't even close to what I started with.

I saw a cute joke in my e-mail and was going to post some of them, they were truly innocent , but felt that they would probably upset someone, and I get enough in my e-mail already!!!! But I am going to put a few here, and I hope everyone can see the humor!!!

Just for fun, as you leave the zoo, start running across the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your life!!! They're loose!!"

Tonight at the dinner table, tell your children, "Due to the weakening economy, we are going to have to let one of you go!"

My husband and I laughed so hard at these, that we both had tears running down our faces!!!

-- Melissa (me@home.net), November 13, 2001.

Jilly, about e-mail...It is very hard sometimes to say what you mean because the person cannot hear your tone of voice or see the expression on your face or read your body language. The bare words, by themselves, can cut deep when we never intended them to cut at all. I have found this out myself, the hard way.

Melissa, I hope you'll post more of those jokes. We all need to learn not to take ourselves so seriously!:o)

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), November 13, 2001.

Well, i don't know what i said , or whats going on, so we'll find out eventually , if its alright now. I'm thinking more than just with emails though , but in our every day speach, how we conduct ourselves. And yes, how we joke around. But alas, as has been mentioned. THe humble approach is always best, and gets the best results.

-- jillian (sweetunes483@yahoo.com), November 13, 2001.