Someone just sent this to me:

"Finally! A Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic.

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet-red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two MuMu's with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft, terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open A B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do".

8. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

9. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does the Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a lilttle copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

10. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch With Your Inner Self" is included."

-- Bonnie (chilton@stateline-isp.com), October 28, 2001

Answers

As Barbie #10.. my hoots of delight were a wee bit damp....

-- Ellen (gardenfarm@earthlink.net), October 28, 2001.