In today's entry I talk about how I can hold a slight close to my heart for like forever, but also that if the person that I'm mad at is even slightly nice to me, I'll forget everything. Do you hold a grudge?

-- Kymm Zuckert (hedgehog@hedgehog.net), October 18, 2001

Answers

I do hold grudges! But I feel guilty and petty about it, so I suppose this is karma's way of retaliating.

And while I have your attention, I wanted to say that I also hold reverse-grudges too - that is, I may perceive that someone grudges against me and then I worry needlessly about that grudge, whether or not the actual grudge exists. Like, on Saturday afternoon, before the freaky guy was going to get up and do his reading, I leaned over and tapped on your shoulder to ask you if you were going to do your reading, and you nodded yes. I sighed in relief. Then, while looking at my watch, I asked whether or not your entry would be long, and you said no. After I uttered those words, I thought, "Wait! That didn't come out right!" I wanted to hear many many many words of the mighty Kymm but it sounded like I wanted to hurry up and get along with my life, and that is surely not how it was intended.

Come to think of it, I do think too much. Anyhow. That was my reverse- grudge.

-- Claire (claire@blueletters.net), October 18, 2001.

Yes. I didn't use to. I used to forgive and forget as soon as someone was nice to me. I've recently decided that that is stupid, and that next time I forgive someone I'm going to have a damn good reason.

Actually, scratch that. Holding grudges is also a bad idea, but forgetting that someone is an asshole just because they act nice for a short while is dumb, and leads to smacking yourself on the head when they revert to form later.

But when someone goes out of their way to earn my malicious indifference, from now on, they get to keep it.

-- Beth (beth@xeney.com), October 18, 2001.

I agree with Beth, in saying "Holding grudges is also a bad idea, but forgetting that someone is an asshole just because they act nice for a short while is dumb, and leads to smacking yourself on the head when they revert to form later."
I tend not to hold grudges but I do tend to remember things...Forgive but don't really forget. I've recently had a rude reminder of how easy it is to slide from cordial and respectful but not really *open*, to truly believing something's different, and opening up again; and ofcourse I've got a rather large bruise on my forehead from smacking myself.
I also have a tendancy to assume that everyone else is much less forgiving than I am.

-- Tynan (ty@power-lines.com), October 18, 2001.

oh no one can hold a grudge like i do, no one! for years and years and years...

then if the person i have the grudge against is nice to me, i cat like i don't, but still the grudge never goes away, which is not a nice thing to feel, believe me. its something i'm trying to learn not to do.

-- nicole (nicolemrw@go.com), October 19, 2001.

Hello to the members of this forum: This the first time a write in this forum. And my comments on the entry that Kymm has written is the following:

I never used to hold grudges. I am able to say that before this autumn 2001 I considered myself without enemies.

Before now I usually became indifferent to the person that caused me pain or anger. That person became somebody 'not worth' my feelings or respect.

Now, I am so afraid I will never be able to forgive or forget. Could it be possible that I have never been hurt by somebody that I really loved? I don't know why this time it seems so difficult for me to move on without the pain and the anger that this person has caused me. Is there somebody that could suggest something?

--Joyce Berggren

-- Joyce Berggren (joyce_berggren@hotmail.com), November 27, 2001.