Things My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

-- Sojourner (notime4@summer.spam), August 25, 2001

Answers

hey that sounds just like my mom!and now me LOL.

-- cindy young (cin_sue63@webtv.net), August 25, 2001.

Only my mother said stop *crying* or I'll give you something to cry about.

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), August 25, 2001.

i think that I've said all of those to my children at one time or another!

-- Ardie from WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), August 25, 2001.

Isn't is frightening when you open your mouth to say something to your child and you hear your parents' voice come out of it? When our kids were young their Mom and I used to laugh at ourselves over that very thing. We even had a running gag about it. Whenever one of us heard the other say something like the above to one of the kids, the other would say "You're gonna put your eye out with that thing." ;o)

-- Gary in Indiana (gk6854@aol.com), August 25, 2001.

mom taught me about FLOSSING,, dont smile while riding a motorcycle

-- stan (sopal@net-port.com), August 25, 2001.

My mother taught me about EARTH SCIENCES when I starting dating- "There's a lot more fish in the ocean."

-- Cindy in KY (solidrockranch@msn.com), August 25, 2001.

My mother taught me about responsability, if I got in trouble she would make me go cut my own switch for a good switchen. She also taught me about being judgeamental. If I didn't pick out a good switch she would wear it out on me and then make me go cut another one.

-- Russell Hays (rhays@sstelco.com), August 25, 2001.

When we would climb a tree my mother would say " if you fall out I will whip you !"

-- George Wilson (cwwhtw@aol.com), September 01, 2001.