("Fabric:" remember that word. To keep this brief, we must stay focused.)
As interesting as certain spurious revelations were to me -- such as the fact that Dubya is, in fact, a love child resulting from the unholy union of the late Soviet Foreign Minister Andre Gromyko and an alien (note the resemblance!) ...
... this smacks of tawdry sensationalism; let us force our attention to more important matters. (We will get back to the aliens in a moment; first, FABRIC.)
As I introduce exhibit A, I will remind my reader of an interesting irony: most fabrics are plastics now. The largest manufacturer of plastics is DuPont, whose poster child (having consumed a good portion of the company's quarterly output at some earlier date) is Pamela Anderson, so I regard this image as especially damning:
A quick Web search on the terms "New World Order" and "Dupont" will return over 100 hits; they can run, but they cannot hide. The problem, though, is that most people wouldn't think to do such a search in the first place! This picture is the key! How did I, your intrepid pseudo-journalist, "crack the code," as it were?
It's OK if your mouth drops open in amazement:
Number of letters in the word "DuPont:" 6
Number of letters in the word "Pamela:" 6
Number of letters in the word "breast:" 6
As even the most dimwitted know well, 666 is the secret number of Satan. The tie-in between DuPont, Baywatch and the New World Order is thus established. See how prominently Pamela is featured on the cover of this book! The other stars and starlets (including a few who were more highly-paid for the series) are relegated to the background.
What more proof do you need?
But in fact, there IS more, much more! Take two Tylenol(tm) and continue, dear reader ... all this and aliens, too!
The charge has been made that the NWO secretly "controls" the Web, trying to prevent any mention of itself -- or at least, any negative publicity that might harm support. How those who are unaware of the NWO's existence could be affected by such negative publicity in the first place is a minor connundrum; we shall ignore it for now.
We will also ignore the fact that there are literally thousands of sites on the Web that will explain the NWO to you in quite some detail (they'll even sell you books and tapes). Each also claims that the NWO is doing everything in its power to prevent sites like theirs from doing what they're doing (and have BEEN doing for over a decade now), thereby casting doubt on the omnipotence of the NWO (as clearly set forth at said site) but again: we leave the braintwisters for another day. (We're on a roll here.)
Much, much more difficult to prove is the tie-in between the New World Order and aliens. It seems that the NWO doesn't care if you learn of its existence; it certainly doesn't care if you watch Pamela Anderson with a full biblical measure of lust. These are minor things.
But to learn that the NWO is, in fact, the province of aliens? Perish the thought!
As proof of this, an Alta Vista search using the terms "+NWO +aliens +UFO +mayonnaise" returned no hits whatsoever -- PROOF of hidden censorship in that copper and silicon wasteland that Is The Web.
We know the link must be there. It has to be (David Icke said so). Why? Because there is no way that the NWO could control the Web otherwise; it's just not possible with human technology.
Ah, you caught that, did you? Human technology. Does anyone here really believe that Bill Gates produced Windows? That Intel actually creates all of those chips by itself? That road maps can actually be folded with no aid from Beyond?
All of these questions (and others!) are easily resolved if we grant alien technology -- nay, alien cooperation and even -- dare I say it? -- alien domination -- of not just our species, but the Web itself.
First, though, we need some aliens.
They may have better technology than homo sapiens, but they're not omnipotent; even the most carefully camoflaged alien invasion is going to suffer the odd mistake. A careful and lengthy search (not using Alta Vista, lest I draw attention to myself, exposing my family to risk of instant annihilation!) resulted in this next Exhibit:
I have it on good authority that this is an authentic picture, snapped by a resident of Roswell, NM after the infamous (and steadfastly-denied) UFO crash of the early 1950's.
This is the one glimmer that grants optimism, that one tiny gem of hope at the bottom of Pandora's box: these aliens aren't perfect. They make mistakes.
You may not know, for example, that Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter are actually the same person. The aliens are normally able to hide this with their advanced effects, but this one image (from their debate in 1976), the result of careful computer analysis and stop-action aliasing, is all I need show you:
How can a few aliens control something as vast as ... well, everything?
I answer that question with another: Who said it was a FEW? In fact, there are millions; they breed like flies!
Consider this image of an alien gestation pod (obviously "planted" in front of Wilma Truelove's doublewide outside Hope, AK by mistake -- I told you they weren't omnipotent!):
Computer enlargement and enhancement of the image reveals one of the little devils:
(We know that this particular alien was probably bio-engineered for Web control; he looks like a geek.)
Wilma and her husband Elmer managed to destroy the pod (Wilma said that the application of a mixture of Raid and cleaning fluid was most beneficial toward that end), saving a few of the babies for display to their neighbors:
We may only speculate; upon reaching his/her (it's?) majority, the one on the left would doubtless have become a politician; the one on the right looks ideally suited to leadership of a religious cult.
I leave you with this final image, which I consider the most significant of all. In this college picture, we can see George Bush Sr., Andre Gromyko (in the background) and Margaret Thatcher having their minds altered by alien electrical helmets that obviously focus brainwaves into certain patterns.
I leave it to you to determine what those patterns are!
But trust no one. Tell no one. Beware; they're among us.
You have been warned.
-- Anonymous, August 02, 2001