How do I stop my soon to be ex-wife from verally tourchering me. She is always telling me she is taking me to court and calls me all kind of names. I have custody of our daughter and she keeps telling me she is taking her away and I fell very scared and mentally exhausted. I am at ropes end. I really do not know what to do.

Tony

-- Anonymous, June 19, 2001

Answers

Get a restraining order preventing her from contacting you in any way.

-- Anonymous, August 31, 2001

Good luck on getting a restraining order to protect yourself from her. Courts do not believe men in this situation. Police do not want to help men, they prefer to believe that men brought this onto them selves. They prefer to shoot, shoot again, then screw the questions. Been there, done that!!!

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Has she always been abusive? I'd start handing it right back to her. Stand up to her, she gets power out of making you feel small, like all abusers. Don't give her that power, she can't take it unless you let her. She may also be trying to provoke you into doing something so that she will get custody of the daughter.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Restraining orders are effective in some areas and not in others -- like most things, it depends. But it is an option, and something you should explore.

I'm going to delete the inappropriate posting in this thread. I'm sorry you had to read it.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Also, I personally don't recommend striking back. When you're dealing with someone that doesn't place the same limits on their behavior that you do, it's a losing game. Plus, you can be hauled off to jail in a snap, whereas it is much more difficult to do the same for her. The legal system really favors her in this case.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

What is Mental Abuse? Mental abuse is the abuse of power or control over another person. Emotional and verbal abuse are used as manipulative tools in mental abuse. When a person is being mentally abused, he also experiences emotional and verbal abuse. It includes inducing fear by intimidating, terrorizing, threatening, humiliating, insulting, degrading, destroying property, and isolating a person from family and friends. Mental abuse is a horrible thing. Fear is used to control another person. Emotional abuse can take the form of: · Extramarital affairs · Provocative behavior with opposite sex · Humiliation and put-downs · Hypercriticism · Refusal to communicate · Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice · Unreasonable jealousy · Extreme moodiness · "I love you but..." · "If you don't shape up, I will..." · Domination and control · Withdrawal of affection This is legally informative. Both of you, if you are able to reasonably communicate need to examine these items. If either of you are guilty of doing any of them you first need to completely stop. One thing too in order to get helpful advice or intervention you have to be completely honest. Lying only causes more damage. Couples have got to maturely come to an understanding of if and what they are doing wrong and admit it. You only know your circumstances and if you would be able to peaceably come to an agreement over things. Whether or not you are ever able to sensibly sit down and talk with your wife. You have to examine and make sure that you are not provoking her to this point. You also have to take into consideration any other circumstances that may happening in her life. Division of a family and with a child is EXTREMELY painful. Remember, your wife gave birth to your little girl, it is devastating to be separated from your child (take this into consideration). Also you have to be honest about your life with the custody of your daughter. Is there anything that your (separated) wife objects to in regards to the raising or environment of your daughter that is presently happening. Your first obligation is to the small child (or any age child). Any child mostly wants both parents. Remember too that you made a vow to God to marry for life. A man shall leave his mother and a woman shall leave her home and the two shall become one. It is also not pleasing to God Our Heavenly Father for anyone to divorce and then remarry them. So give time to this decision. Showing that you can endure hardships, sacrifice and make things work is one of the greatest successes you can have above anything else today in this world. The generation of parents from the 40's and 50's went through much hard times and they kept their families together and did not split up. Do not be influenced by peer pressure. Sometimes friends do not always have the best advice. They cannot be unbiased, they might not be acting with Faith in God (those with Faith in God are the ones you can really count on), or might be jealous. Some people actually enjoy seeing people split up. They look at it as if they have fallen. Prayfully, you can deeply consider what you are doing. People do and say many things out of terror and desparation. Don't let that be a part of your problem, try to (if anything) curb it. And --- you are not alone at all statistic wise, it is the same story in so many break-up cases. Always, any relation should start and be built upon a firm foundation in love, praise and worship of God, then he will guide you and give you the answers you need. Lastly, it does no good battling verbally back and forth. From what you say you are not divorced, sometimes judges do not give divorces immediately, they give people time to try to make ammends. A break-up is very final and it effects many peoples lives. Selflessness is a great quality along with sacrifice and that is sometimes what we have to do in order not to hurt other people just for our freedom. There are many people in this world who are completely alone, we are meant to be together and to keep people together. Appreciate what you have, pray that God will give you strength for the both of you to agree, without any more anger, and possibly stay together as you vowed to HIM.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2002

As a minister,I feel embarassed to stress my "true feelings",but here goes::::I realize each crime has a " DUE PROCESS", but I believe the easiest sin for God to forgive, is to blow a child abuser to hell, where they belong, and ,I trust, are going..mental abuse is as bad as physical abuse...(I KNOW ) tony,in spite of my stressed feelingS, please TURN TO GOD...as a six year-old boy, I found HE CAN AND WILL REALLY HELP....LOVE DRAWS, NOT DRIVES. KEEP LOVING THE CHILD....AND PLEASE BELIEVE IN YOUR IMPATIENCE....."God is AN ON TIME GOD".bless you,son,haroldgilley@yahoo.com

-- Anonymous, November 08, 2002