The doomers would cast darkness wherever there is light, gloom in the path of joy and sadness to blot out any happiness. Finally at great cost, Dr. Science seems to have isolated out why they are this way. Doomers are in fact, the people who fill up their rooms with the darkness from the closets when they open any door.

Dear Doctor Science, When I wake up in the morning and open my closet door, I'm afraid that instead of the light from my room shining into my closet, the darkness from the closet will fill up my room. Could this ever really happen?

-- Clair J., Age 7 from Portland OR

Of course, it could. If you've been bad. When bad little children open their closet doors, they're often engulfed by great impenetrable waves of darkness.

SIDEBAR, THIS IMPLIES AS WE GUESSED ALL ALONG, THAT DOOM ZOMBIES FUNCTION WITH THE LOGIC & MENTALITY OF THOSE UNDER THE AGE OF TEN. FIELD OBSERVATIONS MIGHT CONFIRM THIS FOR ALL WE HAVE NOW ARE THE RANTINGS OF THE GARY DUCT TAPES AND DENNIS J. OLSON SPREAD BY THE POISON PENS AND KEYBOARDS OF TYPES LIKE "OLD GIT" AND "BIG PUPPY" WHILE "SISSYBOY" AND "SHAKEY BRAIN" LAP UP THE LEFT OVER WATER IN THE HUB CAP.

This is just nature's way of testing you to make sure you're mature enough to watch prime time television. Remember, there's nothing to be afraid of.

It's just a shadow. Small wonder we're so afraid of shadows when most of humanity forms their conception of reality by staring at colored shadows dancing around inside a box! It's not your fault you were born in the television age. You have a right to be neurotic.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

Answers

You're a doomer too, Cpr. Instead of being a doomer about technology or the economy, though, you're a doomer when it comes to your opinion of human nature.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

A SKEPTIC is HARDLY a doomer. You would never be able to understand that because you are a SUCKER, falling for anything that comes alone to fit your world view, right "B..."? Moi un "doomer"? Fuggedaboutid.........Au contraire. I believe Western Civilization is proof that MANKIND WILL RISE AND PREVAIL OVER ANY ADVERSITY because Western Civilization is predicated on information use and transformation into "knowledge" and finally the rudiments of "Wisdom". As a Conservative, I BELIEVE IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE ***INDIVIDUAL*** TO DO THAT and obviate the need for others to dictate the terms of my or anyone's existence.

99+++% of the humans function by expecting the Sun will come up tomorrow ala 'Annie'. So do I. Doom Zombies and Leftists like you, exist and slobber at the thought that Mankind is incapable of making its own decisions and thus will perish unless they adopt the latest "catastrophe thinking". For the Leftists, "centralized planning" by "the wise" is necessary and it took the Conservatives to show that "the wise" and the elected and /or appointed in D.C. were hardly identical terms.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

Put some Cher on the stereo and let your hair down, girl!

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

99+++% of the humans function by expecting the Sun will come up tomorrow ala 'Annie'. So do I. Doom Zombies and Leftists like you, exist and slobber at the thought that Mankind is incapable of making its own decisions and thus will perish unless they adopt the latest "catastrophe thinking".

I dunna know, seeing that the American Mankind elects the dolts it does makes me wonder about that there theory.

Come-on, who are these clowns running things? Trent Lott? let me guess, Mister Lott has a PhD too I bet. What freaking college awarded this pile of morass some paper saying he can find Iowa on a map even, US one in fact? And I thought Dick Armey bad, sorry Dicko you been replaced my your little buddy Trent SLOTThead.

George W Bush? "Hey buddy, get a real J-O-B and live a little without Pops and the CIA holding your cock and MAYBE I will think about even listening to your stupid butt". President? start with dishwasher and see how it goes, k?

Bill Clinton? Mister "ah sure you can blow me right here in the WH, like I care?"

Al Gore? "We don't need Bill to help *I* can do it without him", ahh no you can't, as any PRESCHOOLER could have told if you had asked. Course your FAT EGO overrode your "love for whats best for America", and you lost, what a shame. Election was fixed, but Albert, ya should have buried the dishwasher by 10-20-30% or more, no?

Seriously, LOOK, really LOOK at these clowns. Would any of you REALLY support ANY of these folks given a real alternative? No not burned out loonie Nader, or "who am I" jMcCain, a real person say?

How about teethCarter? B movie stiffReagan? whiningBushSR?

JFK was not perfect, but at least the guy had SOME freaking class. Take his "what you can do for your country" line and apply it to ANY of the dicks since him? Freaking hillarious. Can you see GW saying such a thing?

At some point a person has to conclude MOST people around dumber than dirt. Consider that a basis for being at least "cautious" about the future.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

Why the Doomzie method of "thinking" is incorrect.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001

Ah yes, the Village Clerk "economist".

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2001