I was involved with a man via telephone for six years. Two years ago he decided he wanted to move to my city. He knew from the beginning that I loved him and after a few years he said he loved me, too. I was to get us a house and get set up and then he would move across country so we could be together. I get the house and got everything ready and just as soon as he moved here he told me this was to be a "roommate" situation only. He said that he loved me but that if we had sex it would ruin everything. I kept trying. I thought there may be a problem with impotency and I felt that if I was patient and didn't push that everything would work out for us. I then found him going out in the middle of the night and lying to me about where he was. It was in his words, "none of my business." I found that he had given his ATM card to someone who had withdrawn several hundred dollars from another state. I found he was using hard drugs and I suspected that his middle of the night trips were trafficking for his friends. Still I tried and still he wouldn't touch me. One night when I tried to just hug him, he shoved me away and said "don't start that nasty sex stuff with me again." He told me that a prostitute in Nevada had once told him that he was the most innocent man she had ever met and that meant that he was "pure." A friend of his told me she had known for 15 years that he was gay. He left town and then when he returned he had asked a young man 23-25 to move in with him (he's 53). He spent a week in jail in another state for a suspended driver's license and he called me and told me that he had been put in lock up because some of the other men had complained that he was watching them take a shower. I found an address on a piece of paper and when I looked it up, I found it was a gay bar. But, he watches hetro porn and has hetro porn magazines. I found a magazine of people advertising for others to swing with them when I was unpacking his belongings. Others have told me that men who swing are bi-sexual because they can get in bed with a man and a woman at the same time. He has been married twice and has a son (whom he lost custody of for failure to pay child support). He has been cruel and abusive with me. He seems to be a pathological liar. I have ended everything with him, but the question of his sexual preference still haunts me. He so blatantly rejected me, but he would still look me in the eye and say he loved me. When we split, I told him I wanted a "full" life with a man. I wanted a best friend/lover/soul mate. Someone I could build a life with a make a home with. His response was "let me help you find him, I don't want to lose you." What gives??????? I am completely confused and bewildered. I have decided that I can't trust anyone and I don't even want a man in my life anymore. He used to tell me he wanted us together and that we would be making love. Then suddenly he changes. Could he have been raped in jail???? Is he gay or bi???? A friend told me that he is a narcissist. Another mentioned the madonna/whore complex. I just want to try to understand so I can move on with my life. Anyone got any answers or ideas?? Thanks.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 2001

Answers

I am not sure but it sounds to me that he is playing you. He doesn't understand what real love is. I think he is suffuring from blindness. He in a case probably is gay if he is doing those things. Girl, you need to get on with your life. He is trying to get you back, I know it's hard but dump him. If he treats you the way he does, he isent worth it. ~Cris~

-- Anonymous, May 28, 2001