I remember you mentioning that your mom needed to go to the hospital (sorry can't remember for what) and I was just wondering if she's home now and feeling better?

I had a long phone conversation with one of my sisters today about our mother as her health has really declined as of late. She'll probably have to go into assisted living before the summer is over. She doesn't want to live with any of her kids as she "doesn't want to be a burden to any of you". And no amount of cajoling or persuading has changed her mind on this issue.

BTW, did you say your mom is 80 years old? My mom turned 80 in March. And as she often says: "Old age ain't for sissies." I'm finding that to be so true.

Anyway, with all that was going on with my mom today just reminded me of your mom and her health. Hope everything is all right...

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2001

Answers

God bless you and the other folks who have been keeping us in your thoughts and/or prayers (and God bless the rest of you anyway!)

Mom got discharged on Thursday and is enjoying (very, very, much!) being home. Medically, she had a weird twisted bowel and subsequent ischemia and incipient gangrene (well, it wasn't pretty!) Anyway, she had a right colectomy and she spent a week in the hospital and I spent a lot of time with her. I enjoyed getting to know the staff and her surgeon, who was really incredible (for example: he wheeled her into the OR himself.) The nursing staff was very kind, although very understaffed) and I am so appreciative of all the care she received.

It kind of confirms my feelings that everyone is getting screwed by our current health care situation, with the possible exception of the insurers! The nurses were pretty stretched!

Mom is 78 and has been healthy (big exception: Smoking since 1945!!) for the most part. She had been state tennis champion in her youth and played college basketball. She has always been thin (until she quit smoking a year ago...now she's just "normal") and has been active in community stuff, etc. I think that helps. Plus, she had church folk and the local seniors (she was president and very active for years) praying for her (they have a prayer line.)

How are YOU doing btw????? What's going on with your mom? We need to support each other...aging parents are tough and scary to deal with.

I wrote you an email this week. Decided it was too lame (personal....asking medical questions about YOU!) and didn't send. You totally outclassed me on this one!

Thanks again. I really am touched. I hope everyone out there is enjoying good health. And it takes a village for health care, it would seem!

With love,

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2001

Sheepish-My best wishes too for your mother's continued recovery.Went thru the very same condition with my mother two years ago.Went up and sat with her in the hospital for a week.First thing the nurse told me was how badly she was depressed.Knew she would be and told the nurse that's why I'd come. We spent the week talking over old times and laughing, and she picked right up.

Someone does need to be there to "advocate" for sick love ones.To help out and just ask the right questions.The nurses are so overworked.And they are really caring too, I found as well. I could ask questions as they cruised thru bc I was there the whole time.Of course I no longer work away from home,so I had the liberty to take off and travel up there.

Bottom line for me thru all that was that no matter how old you get,it's still really hard to think about becoming a motherless child.

Jim-my mother has taken the same position on care.I told her a few years back that I wanted her to come live with me.Left her know I'd discussed it with Nick and he was fine with it.Told her I'd always figured on doing it,and that she would not be a burden as I sure could use the company.Which is the truth.Left her to chew her cud over it and left my brothers know what I'd said.The closer she gets to the possibility,the more appealing my offer is to her.She doesn't protest anymore,just won't say yes yet,when asked.

I think she will come live with me when it comes right down to it tho.I know how to approach her.She has to feel she can serve a purpose so I told her I need help with processing vegetables and washing dishes! And she knows I hate doing dishes. Psycology,right? So,best to you too,on future decisions.

-- Anonymous, April 29, 2001

Hi Sheepish,

Wow, your mom really went through a lot - makes what I went through look like child's play. I'm glad to hear that she's home now and feeling better. And I agree, being active with community stuff should make a BIG difference with how she recovers. And I'm sure you being there for her played a HUGE part in her recovery, too.

My mom has been suffering from severe anemia for the last few years. It's gotten to the point now that she has to have periodic blood transfusions (every couple of months). The doctors have run a whole battery of tests but are still unsure as to what the ultimate cause is (part of it may be a hiatel (sp?) hernia). Her mother suffered from severe anemia, too, and ultimately died from it. It's really a mystery...

Mom's memory is going downhill rapidly, too. That is what's causing the discussions on assisted living for her. Although if she goes downhill much more, she may have to go right into a nursing home.

And you're right, it is tough and scary to deal with aging parents. I feel bad sometimes because I don't live near her so can't be as involved with her care as I'd like to. My one sister is a real gem, though. She lives nearby and works at a nursing home that is right nextdoor to my mom's apartment complex so she drops in every day and takes my mom to quite a few of her doctor's appointments. I often tell her how appreciative I am of all the work she's done for our mom. I have to take Ruth to the Twin Cities next week (she's flying out of Mpls. to Denver for something work-related) so I'm planning on staying at my sister's home and will also spend time with my mom.

As for me, I'm not doing too bad. The surgery didn't produce as dramatic an improvement as I had hoped for but I am somewhat better than before the surgery. I guess I can't complain seeing as I'm still vertical, eh? ;-) I need to go back to the doctor for an in-office follow-up procedure in 3 weeks. I've heard that it takes time for healing - especially when you've been on steroids as I've been for my asthma. I guess the steroids can slow the healing process...

I will say this, the nurses were great while I was in the hospital. Thank God for nurses! I really don't think they get a fraction of the credit (or pay) they deserve. And I noticed the same thing as you; the nurses were stretched thin at my hospital, too.

And don't worry about your email - I can understand your hesitation in sending it, you probably didn't want to appear like you were being snoopy. But don't worry, I wouldn't have taken it that way. I really did appreciate the email you sent me while I was recuperating after surgery. It made me laugh.

Keep us updated with your mom's health. And I hope your husband is doing well, too, after his surgery. :-)

-Jim

-- Anonymous, April 29, 2001