I miss my pig.

We need to find something else to use the pig for.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

Answers

And whatever happened to

- Robin Messing?

- Dan the Power Man?

- Dirt Road?

- Don't Ask?

- Hoffmeister?

- Butt Nugget?

- Linkmeister?

- Nerd Rustler?

I'm sorry, I'm in a maudlin mood. I have to go to the dentist tomorrow, and the sensation of imminent death always does this to me.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

Stephen,

I'm a dentophobe. My nervous system catches fire with the merest mention of the word dentist. I went for an exam - the first in fifteen years - a week ago last Friday. Took me several hours to calm down, for my autonomic processes to quiet themselves.

Last night I had a cleaning. They gave me Halcion an hour prior and it worked wonders. If you are so inclined, demand Valium, Halcion, a sharp blow on the head, whatever it takes to get you and keep you in that chair.

Best of luck.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

If you're giving out the "pig" for stupidity, I deserve one.

I made a point of mentioning how I knew enough to control the thermostat in our house in another thread. Uh-huh. Yesterday, the weather turned warm and "summer" hit Texas. This has happened a few times in the past week, but never has it been so warm as it was yesterday.

While cooking my dinner, I noticed how warm it was in the house. I walked to the thermostat [It has a digital display, most of which I can read without my glasses.] "Desired temperature" still said 73, but "actual temperature" said 83. Huh? I squinted really hard and didn't see the little word "Auto", so I clicked a button until I SAW "Auto", and went back to cooking my dinner. I scratched my head wondering how "Auto" disappeared, but we went through about three thermostats before finally getting one that worked, so I thought I'd just wait and mention it to SO in an E-mail today.

After dinner, it just seemed to get warmer and warmer. I was already down to shorts and a T-shirt. I checked the thermostat again. "Desired temperature" was still 73. "Actual" temperature was now up to 87. I could still see "Auto" if I squinted really hard.

Never having seen the manual for this thermostat, I'd ASSUMED that the thing was smart enough to not just turn the heat off, but turn the AC on to maintain the desired temperature. A return visit wearing my glasses showed the little word "heat" in the window. A few clicks of the button turned "heat" to "cool", and suddenly the AC came on and the temperature started to drop. I quickly reset the "desired" temperature to 76 [which is where I THINK we keep it for summer, but it may be 78.]

I laughed for about 10 minutes at my stupidity, and I offer you the same opportunity. It reminded me of the time I called the builder when we'd first moved in saying, "None of the burners on the stove work." He pointed out a little red line on the dial for the burner and said, "You must turn it to here, WAIT for the burner to ignite, and THEN continue dialing."

I still won't accept this stupidity as being associated with women, but I WILL accept it for myself. I HAD read the manual about the oven, and one day SO said, "Why has the oven been on for so long with nothing in it?" I said, "It's being cleaned." He said, "That's ridiculous. I can clean an oven with oven cleaner in 20 minutes." I said, "You may want to check the manual before doing that." He found the manual, which said, "Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES use oven cleaner in the oven."

Bottom line: If you want to use the pig for "stupid of the day", feel free. Just don't be surprised if I win the honor most days.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

Growing up we didn't have the luxury of dental insurance. It wasn't until I was about 10 or 11 yrs. old that I had my first visit to a dentist. And that only happened because of a program offered through the public school system for a free dental exam and cleaning.

As it turned out, I had 9 cavities. I remember this like it was yesterday because my mother had a fit, had to find a dentist and had to pay for it.

Anyway, I was on my own, to get myself to the dentist for the appointments. The guy was nice enough from what I can remember. Only one thing that I never knew about until I was much older, most dentists will use novocaine when they drill, this guy didn't. He just drilled away. I remember seeing smoke and smelling the burning of the tooth that he was working on...and his assistant would squirt it down with water, ask me if I was ok..and I would give some kind of affirmative response.

Later in life I came to realize that my mother couldn't afford to pay for the added cost of the novocaine, that's why it wasn't even offered.

You guys are probably squirming in your chairs about now, just as I did back then. To tell you the truth, it really didn't cause me any pain...just mental anguish..the sight and smell of smoke coming out of my mouth. The cavities were small enough so the drilling didn't reach any nerves.. so there was no actuall pain.

Years later, I had to have a couple more done and was offered novocaine and I refused. I figured what the heck...it didn't hurt so why get the needle. Since then, I have had novocaine and the GD needle hurts worse than anything else and the numbness lasts for hours on end..but I get it cause, I ain't a kid no more. ;)

I definitely don't enjoy going to the dentist, but it's a necessary evil...my next round of punishment is in May. And thank God for fluoride!!

The sound of music....LOL!

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

Rich--

Get a female dentist. Then you will look forward to your oral prophylaxis.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

Peg:

I understand COMPLETELY. My folks had neither medical nor dental insurance. In fact, we were all introduced to the world on the "time-payment plan." I'm sure they paid for us for YEARS.

Re the dentist, ours used nitrous oxide. After THAT experience, it was a bummer NOT to have a cavity. I visited the dentist for 13 years [from age 12 to 25] and left the office disappointed that no new cavities had appeared. I think I was about 17 when the dentist told me that I'd have to pay cash for the visit, as my parents had been "slow pays."

I'm surprised that Rich had such a "raving review" after so long with no treatment. My last visit was in 1999. I had the X-rays, the cleanings, the replacements of five fillings, and the DEEP cleanings. Gum disease is more the threat at my age than cavities. Yet, I KNOW I have a cavity on a FRONT tooth, and I wonder how these folks missed it. A visit to another dentist with inquiries revealed $60.00 for a check-up [not including X-rays, and not including any work done.] This would be $60.00 to look at my tooth and say, "Yep...that looks like a cavity to ME too!"

I have a cousin who's a dentist. I wonder if she'd give a family discount for uninsured patients if I flew to California.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

Well, they're going to have to remove a wisdom tooth and the 2nd molar. The 1st molar will have a root canal done.

I am just happier than SNOT. :)

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001

You still have a wisdom tooth? That's kind of rare for someone your age, isn't it? I had to have all mine out when I was in my early 20's. Course nothing simple for me...they did them one at a time and the last one was infected. They put me on penicillin (which I had been taking my whole life) and low and behold, I had an allergic reaction...a very nasty rash on my face and neck, looked like measles. Needless to say, I can no longer take the wonder drug!

I've never had a root canal (thank God) but the hubby has. Nasty business! Make sure they give you a script for pain killers in case you need them. Better to have it ahead of time instead of having to call their emergency line while your in pain...just a friendly suggestion. :)

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

DEMAND the pain-killers. You WILL need them.

Ugh....flashback.....

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

That's kind of rare for someone your age, isn't it?

Old Fart, Hahahahahaaa

Peg rules!

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

Now, now, Doc...be nice..I'm an old fart too. ;)

Stephen and I are only about a month apart in age...sigh.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

It's all relative. Fifteen years ago, as I endured the pain of extreme loneliness and self-loathing, I was surprised one day to realize that I actually anticipated my upcoming visit to the dentist. I celebrated this lugubrious state with a haiku---

So lonely

he hurries

to the dentist

Fortunately, things have improved.

BTW, I have heard that dentists have a high rate of suicide. Well, how would you like to have a job where all your clients hated to see you? (not to mention looking in mouths for 40 years)

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

Stephen

"I have to go to the dentist tomorrow, and the sensation of imminent death always does this to me."

Holy shit!! One of the funniest statements I've ever read!!! Yes, I amuse easily and that cracked me up!!!!

My dentist proudly displays "We Cater To Cowards" right as you walk in the door. I still hate going to him anyway......

Deano

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2001

It's been a few days, and I'm starting to worry. Are you okay, Stephen? You need to report on whether you engaged in any of the dental procedures you mentioned or whether they were postponed.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2001

Anita,

As a matter of fact, I just got home. I think I'll be OK, though if the Catholic Church ever wants to reinstitute the Inquisition, my dentist would be perfect guy to train the others.

The problem was, the roots on both teeth were curved. One of them shaped like a hook, so the dentist had to cut them out. The wisdom tooth was especially hard; he had to break the bone away from it.

I'm just glad it's over. I'm going to take a nice pain pill (he gave me some Tylox) and take a nap. :)

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2001

I'm glad you lived through the experience. I promise not to pick on you for at least a week. Those wisdom teeth DO grow long, snarly roots. Three of the four of mine grew in sideways, probably figuring my mouth was big enough to accommodate that. I had oral surgery to remove all four. It's not like the one left would have anything to hit ya know. They gave me that truth serum stuff and probably novocaine after that. While I was probably busy telling them about my escapades as a youth, they were busy getting those roots unhinged from my ears. They did all four at once. I spent two days living on milk shakes. I don't remember pain being involved. I only remember I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to accept anything bigger than a straw.

Anyway, I hope you feel better fast.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2001

Thanks, Anita.

I feel a lot better today, that's for sure. :)

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2001

Some famous movie dentists

Marathon Man, Lawrence Olivier played a sadistic Nazi dentist.

Little Shop of Horrors, Steve Martin was a wacked-out sadistic dentist and Bill Murray was his willing masochistic patient.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001