Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! 5

BE ORDAINED NOW!

As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!!

WEDDINGS MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!! Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

FUNERALS A very hard time for you and your family Don't settle for a minister you don't know!! Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

BAPTISMS You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!" What a special way to welcome a child of God.

FORGIVENESS OF SINS The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries **Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!!

VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!! Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock

WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH?? After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!!

At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.

Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.

For only $29.95 you will receive: 1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL. (CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS) 2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!! 3. SHIPPING IS FREE!!!

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LIMITED TIME OFFER: ORDER TODAY! SEND Only $29.95 US (CREDIT CARD, CASH, CHECK, OR MONEY ORDER) SHIPPING IS FREE!!!For Shipping OUTSIDE the US please add $11.00.

To place your order merely fill out the following form and fax to 1-775-535

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Answers

Marrying your brother and your sister? Isn't that illegal outside of Arkansas?

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

As I read it, DP's "over worked, underpaid peasant" siblings might be married in other states once he gets his new career going.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Of course, even these Hooples haven't quite figured out how to conduct their own funerals, live.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Naive Question Alert: Who's "DP"?

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2001

Real nice Charlie! BTW why do you support this Fundi-Bush yo-yo? ScaryGary was chickenfeed compared to this wanker. Why are not YOU blasting this scum into orbit?

Jefferson is rolling over in his grave.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

I can see it now: The Church of Aunty Bush. Their Motto: renounce the GOP and your soul shall be saved. Services help anytime. Sermons on Push Bush into the Bush delivered on any topic (on or off). It should be a good business. At least until the next conservative Presidential Leader pops up. So don't invest much in the brand only in the "content". The name change will be easy when you are the Head Pastor.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

You know Charlie, you just might want to keep this one in mind. I mean, the economy DOES seem to be going to hell.

Of course, Shrub DID promise to take the country "in a different direction" (say bye-bye to eight years of peace and prosperity). Seems to be the only campaign promise he's kept.

:-)

BTW, if you're still under the delusion that Shrub is either a straight-up Republican or a straight-up Conservative, you need to seek assistance. Though I have noticed you haven't been terribly vocal about supporting him lately; could it be that you realize what a horribly grave error in judgement you made in supporting him in the first place?

LOL.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

A turtle would have been better than roboBore who parrotted whatever the "surveys" told him to say and in the end, got exposed for what he was : Tool of the Far Leftist Limbs of the Dying Dems Party.

REFORM YOUR OWN HOUSE

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

Funny how someone can be a "Tool of the Far Leftist Limbs" and still appear to run on pretty much the same platform as your Beloved Shrub (do reference Stephen's comments on another thread).

Can't wait to see your explanation of that. Not holding my breath, though; seems you're considerably less vocal when someone calls your bluff.

As to your last remark, BUTT OUT OF MY HOUSE. I will NOT tolerate that crap from YOU Charlie.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

HOUSE is defined as that collection of humans that allowed the construction of a system of Welfare Payments that has lead to FOUR generations of people voting Democratic in places like NYC while being unable to escape the "cycle" of de-facto enslavement while the "leaders" pontificated about all the good it was doing.

HOUSE is defined also as that system of so-called thinking that "the Government" can do it "better for you" if you just send in more money to D.C. or Albany or any place that neutered "Local Control". One of the few things that D.C. was ever able to perfect was the ability to WASTE WHAT WAS NOT THEIRS BUT SENT TO THEM AS FIDUCIARIES.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

DROP IN THE BUCKET.

Why don't we talk about ending the real racket called Corporations?

Or how bout closing the freaking borders?

Or making the Tax system even close to rational?

and who convinced who, urban sprawl a sustainable economic model anyhow?

In related matters it appears Carnegie Mellon is shutting down its research institute. File that next to the death of the Internet. Like we could possibly need any of them dumb things.

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2001

Would that be the very same "welfare system" that Clinton tried to overhaul? Funny how I never here any of the little repugs talking about that.

Now would you like to address Doc's point about CORPORATE WELFARE? That would be CORPORATE WELFARE that annually costs BILLIONS more than social welfare.

Or is that just fine and dandy by you?

Unless and until you address CORPORATE WASTE, don't lecture ANYONE on "fiduciaries". CORPORATE WELFARE and WASTE cost the American people FAR MORE than social welfare does, and in many more ways than just "currency".

One last thing. Did it ever occur to you that there are actually people out there who don't think repugs are good for local, state and/or federal positions? Hence, they vote Democratic.

GASP!!!!! Can you just imagine that? People who disagree with The Almighty Reuben. The world is going to end.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2001

Grrrrrrr.............It really has a much greater effect if one actually could SPELL.....

That SHOULD read "...Funny how I never hear any..."

Nevermind. Carry on.....

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2001

A wonderful picture is available that will show the Clintstone vs. Bush Effect on the Market. Please not that the Nasdaq had moved from 5,000 to 2,500 prior to Jan. 2001. Unlike the bleating morons from the Loony Right, I won't blame that on Clintstone and in similar manner, few with any sense should dare imput blame on GWB for the continuation of the slide that was in effect FOR OVER A YEAR.

http://finance.yahoo.com/q?s=^IXIC&d=2y LINK

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2001

English translation please! What on earth does whatever you are trying to post have to do with my response to you?

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2001