(We were long overdue.)

(Note that the comments immediately following each of these are not mine, though they could be.)

After reading these, it occurred to me that it really doesn't matter if they're true or not, they're still funny.

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If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. ( Hardly seems worth it )

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. ( Now that’s more like it )

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (guess what I want to be in my next life)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (I’m still not over the pig)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (“Honey, I’m home. What the.....” )

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life. Quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste their own feet.

Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about the pig?)

-- Anonymous, March 07, 2001

Answers

Didn't ANYONE find this funny? I was crying from laughing so hard.....

Oh well. I'll try something else later.

-- Anonymous, March 09, 2001

I no longer check out the humor threads, Patricia. I get enough jokes in my E-mail [which I ALSO ignore.] There are only so many hours in a day and I need new glasses, so my eyes tire easily these days. Typically, I find that the jokes are the same jokes I've read last year, or the year before, and upon reading this thread today, um...um...I heard these a year or two ago, as well. I know...new to you and new to ME are two different things. I've lived longer, ya know.

I'll be going for those new glasses tomorrow.

-- Anonymous, March 09, 2001

Actually, I enjoy them. But speaking from experience, people don't always respond to them because there's nothing more to say.

In THIS case, then, you can consider it a well-met thread if there ARE no responses. :)

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2001

PS - I know that cat urine stinks worse than any other name brand, but I didn't know it glowed under blacklight!!! :)

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2001

I swear I thought I had seen every joke via email, but this one was new to me. (And I'm STILL laughing over the "pig" comments".) A co-worker had sent this to me and about two or three other people. Well, all you heard was hysterical laughter in strategic places in the office after she sent this.

Sorry, guys.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2001

Patricia, If you are going to be pig in the next life better be an American pig.Brit pigs haven't a long life expectancy at the moment due to a little disease called foot and mouth !

PS.I hadn't heard them before & thought they were really funny.

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2001

Patricia, I thought it was very funny, but also cause for serious reflection. I'm thinking of the fart-to-atomic-energy equation. Does this mean that CPR could seriously revenge himself on people?

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2001