Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches that have died of old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage.

When he reaches the primate cage, he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not," he says as puts them in the sack with the finches.

Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals from the sack into the lions' cage.

"No!" roars the lion. "Not finch and chimps again!"

-- sissy sylvester-barth (jerreleene@hotmail.com), February 27, 2001

Answers

I'll counter with this one I received this morning.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Boyo, I'm in deep doo doo now." (He was an Irish setter).... Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"

-- Notforprint (Not@thekeyboard.com), February 27, 2001.

Which reminds me.....I guess by now, you have all heard of the terrible loss suffered in the entertainment world recently? The man who wrote the Hokey Pokey song died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They'd put his left leg in.......well, you know the rest. Jackie

-- Jackie NE TX (jlynne@neto.com), February 27, 2001.