What is your opinion of an AME pastor who dates an unbeliever, who does not attend church or does not appear to have any intention of becoming a believer? (His intention is to marry her) Does he have any moral authority to exhort the congregation to follow the word? Some members are very concerned that a mate who does not love the Lord can can impact the pastor in the manner he shepherds the flock and also divide his loyalties.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001

Answers

If he's dating as I understand dating (a romantic or potentially romantic endeavor), it's cause for dismissal. The quicker the better. He should be able to give answer to clarify any misunderstandings, but pastors should have no romantic relationships with anyone but MATURE believers.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001

How do you know the person is a non believer? Does attending church make a person righteous? That man has a right to happiness. At least he is not hiding like most so-called Christains. What about this woman? Obviously, she has something that attracts your pastor that he can not find in a church woman. I think the real problem is that he had to go outside to find a suitable mate. We should not let our insecurities cloud our judgement of this man.

In Love and Light,

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2001

Obviously your understanding of what a believer means differs from mine. A saved person lives in the spirit and in faith and does not neglect the fellowship of the saints. Besides the scriptures do say that an overseer should be above reproach and should be the spiritual guide to the flock, setting an example by walking in the spirit. Everyone deserves happiness, but as saved persons we have to put overselves aside and live in obedience. Dating and marrying unbeliever, especially for a pastor, leaves the door open for a variety of problems - in the natural and in the spirit.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2001

I have been unequally yoked and I can tell the brother from experience that he will regret ever marrying an unbeliever. He needs your prayers and Blessings Pastor Paris

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2001

I feel Pastors have a right to privacy regarding their personal lives. Just as I feel laity has the right to privacy. As christians we are called to love one another and not judge one another. Often times judgements made about one another in church can divide and destroy a church. Your pastor deserves to have love and happiness, trust God and your Pastor's judgement, and pray for his happiness.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2001

Again, there is something special about this woman that attracted your pastor. How do you know her relationship with G-d? It is not necessary for her to embrace your spiritual path. Support your pastor's decision and be a friend to his soon to be wife. Maybe you'll see her goodness, just as your pastor did. Please don't be like those other closed minded bigots. Even Jesus the Christ embraced all people including "sinners". Some people say this relationship is doomed because of the differences...I think that it adds a little spice.

In Love and Light, Brenda

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2001

Obviously your understanding of what a believer means differs from mine. A saved person lives in the spirit and in faith and does not neglect the fellowship of the saints. Besides the scriptures do say that an overseer should be above reproach and should be the spiritual guide to the flock, setting an example by walking in the spirit. Everyone deserves happiness, but as saved persons we have to put overselves aside and live in obedience. Dating and marrying unbeliever, especially for a pastor, leaves the door open for a variety of problems - in the natural and in the spirit.

A LOUD A-MEN ! ! , ssb116 .

Christianity - Misconceptions

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2001

try minding your own business. What he does he will have to answer for. God does not always put a ready made mate in place.

The Mole

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

My point is: A pastor has the right to happiness and a private life. If the church turly loves the man, then it will support his choice of a mate. He has to anwser to only One...that is G-d for his decision. Not to the "believers". You don't know what is happening behind closed doors. G-d can, G-d does and G-d will use anybody.

From what I know about being a pastor, well it takes a special person...it is a labor of love and often a thankless job (from the perspective of the membership). People forget that the pastor has feelings and desires. I think that it is selfish of the church body to place their needs above his own (if he makes this choice fine). Don't you think that man has given enough?

A single pastor in a church (I find in most churches that the women far out number the men) filled with single women is a lethal mix. I personally don't blame him...I won't marry a member of my church either. Bad business.

In Love and Light,

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

God can do anything with and for whomever He chooses. I suggest we revisit the story of Hosea, Ruth, and Esther before we inflict on others our narrow interpretation of what should or should not be. Both Ruth and Esther have the rare distinction of being women who have a Book of the Bible named in their honor. Ruth was not only a gentile (unbeliever) but she had such an effect on history that the word "ruthless" means without the qualities of Ruth. I believe we will also find her in the direct bloodline and genealogy of our Lord Jesus Christ. She is one of only five women mentioned there, as is also Rehab the harlot. (Matthew - Chapter 1) In every situation we as church folk need to practice what we preach and love, "Let Go and Let God".

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2001

Oh come on now!! Some of these anwers are bogus!!! If it quacks like a duck, it, swims like a duck, it walks like a duck, then IT IS A DUCK!! Why play with God?? The Bible clearly states, be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers....what does light have to do with darkness? We are children of light and in the matters of the heart, SHOULD NOT BE FOOLING WITH ANYONE who is not of the Household of Faith. See we must realize that God is the one who chooses mates. Our mates are chosed in Heaven. God formed us, so I think He know who to pair us with. See when we date and married someone who is not saved, ungodly soulties are formed. When men go into women they deposite, a part of themselves and loses strength, for a woman, they take the deposite what the man gives. And if we are linked to the wrong mate, then men are losing the strenth which God has placed in them and the women are gaining strength for someone which shouldn't be. This why it is so important why the bible says, not to fornicate. Every time we sleep with someone who is not the mate God has given us, we pick up their spirits, and only God can untangle those soulties formed in us. The Bible says..."what God has joined together let no man put assunder" I bet if you ask most of the couples who are married today in church, "If you could get a divorce without making God made, would you do it," half would say YES! Because most of the marriages were formed on the foundation of FLESH! The Bible says..."how can two walk together unless they agree" There must a oneness in mind and spirit first, then the oneness will come in the body. We wonder sometimes, why some marriages fall apart in 3 years or less....FLESH!!! Word to this Pastor....You WILL not change ole girl, let God do the changing. Unless you are called to be Hosea #2, and she is Gomer, it is NOT worth the pain and tears just to say "I's married now" (like Sug Avery from the "Color Purple") and just to show off your spouse as a icon. God has a mate for you...let him do the chosing. The Bible, "He that findeth a wife" I truly beleive the he is God is finding the wife. Look at Adam. God presented Eve to him. He was wrapped in his ministry, taking dominion over the earth God given to care for. Let me stop preaching.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2001

When I first applied for ministerial credentials I was told to bring my spouse if I had one. She was as much under the microscope as I was. The bretheren understand that ministers operating without the support of their spouse, and to a degree their children, won't last long. Their first question to her: Tell us how and when you were saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. Then followed questions about her own callings and how she would assist me, not whether she would assist me. She not only had to be a Christian, but a mature Christian.

-- Anonymous, February 07, 2001

The Scriptural case presented by Minister Crawford is compelling and persuasive. I'm afraid she is indeed correct in her somewhat stinging rebuke :-) The AME Doctrine & Discipline actually speakes directly to the issue about ministers and lay alike marrying unbelievers. On pages 339-340 specific sanctions are outlined IF unequally yoked members or clergy choose to join in matrimonial wedlock. The same holds for divorce and remarriage. I have a sneaky susipcion this prohibition against the marriage of unbelievers is not uniformly enforced thoughout the Connection. I happen to be happily married. My first marriage ended in divorce even though paradoxically my ex was a born-again, Bible reading Christian woman. By the way Minister Creawford are you married? Your response would be material to this particular topic. QED

-- Anonymous, February 07, 2001

You all may be too hard on the brother. Maybe God is telling him what he told Hosea. Hosea 1:2b "Go take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredom." Go marry a whore and have children by her. Then you will understand how I (God) feels when My people go awhoring after other gods. Blessings Pastor Paris

-- Anonymous, February 07, 2001

Brother no I am not married...divorced....from an abusive husband....no children either....Brother Paris, like I said, IF GOD did call him to be Hosea #2 and He is to minister to another Nation of Israel, then I can see, but why would the Lord, put someone through foolishness like that...huh DAH!!!! Come on now...call a spirit a spirit, it time out for sugarcoating the word, perverting it to accomindate our fleshly desires. Look IF GOD doesnt say ANYTHING on the issues and IF He does say something on the issue. and his answer is NO Who are we to change what the Lord says? Look Christians can learn alot from the mistakes of the Israelites, look what happened when they married outside their tribes. When the men took heathen women who prayed to idols, and vice versa, they ended up IN BONDAGE!! When you marry someone WHO is NOT the one person God intended you to be with, you will end up in bondage. And we want to pled with God, to get us out of the mess we got ourselves in, been there done that. The Lord will warn you if you are with the wrong person, the question is do we listen?? We tend to look at the outside but fail to set if they're built on the inside. Hey...."there are monsters living in mansons". Come on now, it time for the Church to get real with issues like this, we are losing alot of singles, if we continue to hide stuff like this, it time to get free with this.....in the word of Prophetess Juanita Bynum..."It's time to take the covers off of sin" NO MORE SHEETS!!! NO MORE SHEETS!! NO MORE SHEETS!!

-- Anonymous, February 08, 2001

Sis Brenda, I tried to email you with the information concerning this topic, go to your local bible bookstore and get the video #4 out of the series by Bishop TD Jakes, "No More Sheets", Prophetess Juanita Bynum, is preaching the landmark message. She also has a book with the same title. This book and video set me free from the bondage of being in past relationships. Bishop TD Jakes, has two series just for singles, "No More Sheets" (I went to this conference in 1997 in Greensboro, NC) and the second series is "Alone But Not Lonely". Also get the some of the messages, Jakes has for women....."Women Thou Art Loosed!!!" "A Satisfied Woman" (this word, set me free, from being so needy, a delivering word!!! RHEMA!!!) Pastor Brian Keith Williams, has a series called "Sanctified Singleness", now, Brenda.....this word will get all up in your business, if you're not prepared to go higher in the area of singleness before the Lord....dont get get this video!!!! If we can rate preachers on the level of the anoniting on them, Williams would be a rated "R" r=radical! other books, PB Wilson "Knight in Shing Armor" and "Betrayal's Baby" Michelle Hammond, all her books focus on singlesness before the Lord. Brenda these tools that God has put in my life is helping me to become more single before him, including a consentcrated life. I am minister who recently have come back to AME Zion, (I was Holiness for 8 years) and I this issues is accross the board. The Church has to get real with us, we have wars going on in our spirit and our bodies. We need to understand through the word of God, that we are spirit beings, and we wrestling with the spirits of those we are tied with. No noe wants to preach on deliverance, no one wants to set the captives free. I have received emails, of those who are on here about my responses are harsh, we need to come clean about these issues. I'm going to drop this word of knowledge to ya, When Jesus was being crufied, whipped and nailed to the cross. Remember in the Word, it says the soldiers stripped him of his clothes? If Jesus was stripped of his clothes, then why on every paint we see in our churches the see Jesus on the cross, he has a white cloth on his private area? NO where in the word, that Jesus was covered. IF Jesus can be naked and not ashamed, hanging before all the world for our sins, we must become naked ourselves, deal with issues that we have had covers on too long because WE the clergy has felt that memebers can handle the stuff. We need to call out and address those issues, that makes us naked. When we become naked before the Lord, dealing with those issues, then we will see true deliverance in the house of God. God is calling us to be Holy...BE YE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY. He is calling us to accountabiltiy in our lives, time out for being in competition with the world, we see that aint working. He wants us to be free. We must walk and live holy before the Lord. Many of us dont want to do that because it means we have to die from our old ways, and our flesh dont want to died...let me stop preaching. God Bless

-- Anonymous, February 08, 2001

Say Amen somebody....

In Love and Light,

-- Anonymous, February 08, 2001

Thank God for Prophetess Crawford.

-- Anonymous, January 15, 2002

2Corinthians6:14-15 Do not be yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15) What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? We all can say it is okay. We all can say the man deserves a right to choose. We all can say we are not suppose to judge. Me being a babe is Christ know how spirits transfer. The shepherd is suppose to be a light for his followers. A pastor's life is suppose to exemplify how his followers is suppose to live. If we seek God first, we will know his plan for our life. Seeking him first will give a scripture to stand on. Operating in the flesh will cause us to be unequally yoked. This is my opinion, When God come into our life, we should desire to have what God wants us to have. Why get into an unequally yoked relationship when you will have to spend all you time praying for peace. If you are with a person who does not believe soon or later a dispute will come up about this other person going to church. The other person has the right to say, "I wasn't in church before you met me and I am not going!" What if this person works and does not pay tithes. We have to look at all angles. In all areas of our life, we should avoid making covenant relationships with nonbelievers.

-- Anonymous, September 11, 2002

I just read you article and infact i cannot help but to post my comments on this issue. If the lady the pastor is dating truely an unbeliever, then there should be absolutely no question about him marrying her. He as a pastor should know better than to engage in a romantic relationship with an unbeliever whether she is a good or bad sinner. A sinner is a sinner. Period.

-- Anonymous, November 26, 2002