Do you get door-to-door solicitors where you live? Do they come around at night, or during the day, or on weekends? Are most of them selling things, or are they primarily religious or political?

We get J-W's, but honestly they don't bother us much; they're very nice and they go away if you tell them you aren't interested. I feel a little bad because they are so obviously afraid of the dogs -- it makes me think that people are actually siccing their dogs on them. The guys from the Sierra Club are cute but too relentless for my taste; they bug the hell out of me. I wind up wanting to hit them with a frying pan.

And the ones who are selling things ... dude, unless you're the Tamale Lady, I don't want you on my porch. Especially not after dark.

Talk about solicitors.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Answers

We don't get many out in the 'burbs. Mostly Mormons whom I flirt with and then turn away. The occasional JW. Kids doing school or sports fundraisers. I don't buy magazines, candy or salvation at my front door, sorry. I usually say I'm not interested or I don't have any money and then shut the door.

My large black dog with the sharp teeth makes some people nervous, but not as much as he should. He starts barking as soon as someone walks into the driveway and won't stop until he's told to sit. He'll usually behave while I get rid of them, but not always. He tried to eat my date the other night.

Oh and Beth, I'll make that no soliciting sign for you. It would look cool in dark stained clay with skulls decorating the edge. Hee!

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

We used to get a lot; the house came with a No Solicitors sign taped to the front door which everybody ignored, or they were ignorant as to exactly what soliciting was (one guy went so far as to say he wasn't going to solicit anything, then asked me to come try out this new pizza parlor...). Another guy said he wasn't a solicitor. I asked to see his solicitor's license. He showed it to me and then had the good grace to look embarrassed when I asked him why, when you drive, you have to have a driver's license, and when you fish, you have to have a fishing license, if what he's doing isn't soliciting, why does he have to carry a solicitor's license? So I added another sign:

Solicitor (n): One who solicits. Solicit (v): To seek to obtain by entreaty or petition.

Now we get the occasional solicitor who rings the doorbell, then reads the signs, and they're usually down the steps by the time I get to the door.

Fortunately, my daughter's a Girl Scout, otherwise we'd never get any cookies...

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

We get the occasional solicitor, but much in the way I refuse to answer the phone if I don't recognize the number, I don't open the door if I don't recognize the person. I don't give a shit if they can see me or not; if I don't know them, I don't open the door.

They'll ring the door two or three times, then perhaps knock, but eventually they go away. And they don't generally come back.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

I get maybe one a year and it's always in the middle of the day. I would be really preturbed if they came after dark. I think solicitors shouldn't be able to phone after dark either but hey, that's me. I also am guilty of not answering the door. No one I know would ever drop by without calling first so I know it's a stranger. And if it's a kid selling something I just can't say no so it's cheaper to just not answer the door.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

This is one of the only advantages of living at the top of a big-ass hill. The other being that occasionally someone's car or trash-pod plummets down the hill and provides lots of messy entertainment for those of us who aren't directly involved.

The only solicitors who manage to make it to the top of our hill are truly dedicated environmentalists who are probably used to hiking around in the Cascades or something. We get about one a year, and they are usually interesting to talk to. The last one helped my stepson prepare a report on globalism for his poli sci class. Since they are always working on saving some fabulous piece of the wilderness or other, we generally let them talk us into contributing.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

We get the occassional J-W. Other than that, we just get the people who don't ring the bell; they just leave menus for the local places that deliver.

The J-Ws are very polite. The people leaving menus are just fast, so that by the time we get to the door (having been alerted by Howard), they're up the street.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Oh Robyn I admire you! I hide in the bathroom when they come up the driveway so they don't know I am home and then wait in there with the lights off until they go away. Yes I worry waaay too much about other people's feelings...

On the other hand, if they do catch me out in the yard I advise them not to get out of the car due to the dogs and if I do happen to answer the door I just crack it enough that they see the dogs and that usually dissuades them from coming in. Four large Rottweilers trained both to bark on command and 'show their teeth' really are worth their weight in gold at times.

dreaded smiley

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

When a solicitor knocks on my door - I let my large, ferocious sounding dog freak out at the door and I just don't open it. I wish my husband would do the same. If a phone solicitor calls (and you can ALWAYS tell they're solicitors even before they announce who they are), I just hang up when they're in the middle of asking for me or whomever. It goes like this: 1) pick up phone, 2) hear long silence then connection with all kinds of Time Life operators in the background, 3) "Hello, may I speak with --", 4) Click.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

One rottweiler works wonders, too. I forgot to add that when I *do* answer the door for whatever reason, I always let her shove her face through the crack (did I just say that?) and growl so that the person can see my dog. The mailman refuses to let me sign for packages with the door partly open.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Pretty much the only solicitors we get are fairly frequent visits from people looking for donations for the "food bank." They have a clipboard, documentation and ID displayed, and everything looks good except the whole thing is a scam. They're with a company called the "BC Food Bank Association" which isn't actually affiliated with any community food banks. The canvasser gets 50% and the company keeps most of they rest for "expenses." None of the real food banks will have anything to do with them. Talk about scum.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Is it just me, or are the religious people who come to the door more polite than they used to be? It's been years since anyone really obnoxious or persistent tried to get me to buy a Watchtower. Now when I say I'm not interested, they just smile and tell me to have a nice day.

Jeremy sometimes donates to the Sierra Club or other groups when they come to the door or call on the phone, and it makes me crazy. I don't care if it's a good cause; don't encourage that kind of marketing. The Sierra Club in particular drives me nuts, because the same guy will call every day at the same time, and when I tell him J isn't home and is NEVER home at that time and ask if he'd like a work number, he just says no thank you and hangs up. Then he calls again the next day, and the next, and the next. I finally told them to take us off the list.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

I haven't got a J-W in a long time, but here in far north west Austin we get a lot Baptists. I just tell them that we are happy as Unitarians, and they looked confused and leave.

Our neighborhood is very conservative (although I do suspect a couple of my neighbors as possible Democrat sympathizers) but about every three months a young person from the Serria Club comes through with a petition to introduce World Socialism, or some such silliness.

I always make it a point to tell her that she's a Real American for taking an interest in the larger world, and I complement her for have the courage to come into our nest of "wraskly wepublicans".

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

I haven't had this problem much because I've usually lived in an apartment building and just don't answer the bell unless someone is expected. However, a few years ago I did run downstairs to the door and it was two Mormons. It was a frigid day out (in upstate NY) and I felt badly for them so I was being extra polite in my "I'm not interested, sorry", which I guess they took as an invitation to continue soliciting. Now, I'm pretty trusting of two very nicely dressed young Mormon guys, but how crazy are they to think that I, a single woman, is going to let two men into my apartment????? They asked to come up a couple of times, and then when I advanced to "I don't really go along with organized religions" (trying not to offend them by saying I was an atheist), they asked what my beliefs WERE. I finally got irritated, and said "I believe in science", at which point they finally, and quickly, left.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Mar sent me this; it's pretty funny:

From the Onion.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

My doorbell is broken, so I usually don't know if anyone's at the door. If they do happen to knock, I don't answer unless I know who it is. If I'm feeling curious, I ALWAYS take the phone with me, and pretend like I'm talking to someone. Then I can look apologetic and escape quickly. Plus, if it happens to be a psycho-killer, they think I'm on the phone so they won't chop me into little bits. I hope.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

We live in a rural neighborhood, and get one solicitor every two to three years. I don't know whether to attribute this to our location or our Dobermans. I've always felt secure living with Dobermans, even though I sometimes wonder if they would actually be useful unless, say, the intruder was a cat. I am absolutely sure they would defend me from an intruding cat.

There have been times I have realized the house was open and sent the Dobes in the house in front of me. If I were to hear a voice going "nice doggy" I would get out quick.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Okay, this is all off topic-y, but I can't resist:

Elaine, you crack me up! ("Nice doggie...)

Do dobermans shed? Rottweilers sure do. ::sigh::

And, I *always* take my phone with me when I go to the curb to get my mail...that way I can graciously avoid talking with my chatty neighbors.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

I think I'm going to start a new topic about protective dogs.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Door-to-door solicitors do come around to our house every so often. I open my door, smile at them and tell them I'm not interested. Then I say goodbye and allow them exactly enough time to say "goodbye" back as I close the door. Whether they use the time to say goodbye or to start their sales pitch, the door closes at the same pace.

I am equally nice (or not) to Jehovah's Witnesses, frozen food salespeople, and the Snake Worshippers of Satan.

I have a similar technique with telemarketers: "Thanks for calling Fred I don't think I'm interested and this isn't a good time for me to talk so please just put me down as not interested okay I have to go now. You have a good day." Again, they get just time to say "You have a good day too," before the handset hits the cradle. They can rescue their dignity and comply with my program, or they can get a dial tone. I'm all about freedom to choose.

I used to go through the rigamorole of getting telemarketers to register me as a no-call, but it's too time-consuming. My method has relieved me of stress and worry about telemarketing calls. They can call me ten times a night and they only take three minutes out of my life. When the call is over, my pulse is still slow.

Did I mention I'm a New York lawyer and over time I've lost the reflex of feeling bad for people who force me to be rude to them?

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

See, now, Tom - I *would* do that...but I'm always concerned that the solicitor spent his entire childhood beaten and stuffed in a small dark closet filled with his own excrement, only spoken to when his drunken mother wanted to continually scream into his face that he was a good for nothin', useless, worthless human being and no one would ever love him - and maybe, just maybe...

...my slamming the door in his face might be the straw that breaks his camel's back.

And then, of course, he knows right where I live. That's why I just don't answer the door...and let my dog handle it from the inside.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Maxine, that's why I give them time to say goodbye. It's not really slamming the door in their face. Most sales people, put in a position where they understand that the conversation is over, have a reflexive urge to salvage the situation and end on a good note. I have never had a door-to-door solicitor fail to smile and say goodbye as the door closes. And I smile back just before my face goes out of sight. How could you hate me?

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

I must attract the particularly evil types.

I am ALWAYS polite when declining, never rude. Real-life examples of responses I've gotten in the past to my polite "No thanks, I'm not interested":

- "Why not?" - "Oh, so I guess you don't care about helping inner city kids then." - When the person asked for my husband, and I asked, "Who's calling," the solicitor then said, "Why don't you stick with the easy questions, and just put X on the phone?" - When I told the person "Please don't call here anymore," I got: "Oh, you bet I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you every fucking night at this time." He didn't, but still.

And all this after I've been *polite* as you say you are, Tom. I'd rather just not answer the phone, or door.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

We're too rural to get too many solicitors - there are about five miles of nothing to either side of us, and then our road which is a deadend street with only six houses.

So, I don't mind doing a polite no thanks on the rare occasion someone comes by, but a few years ago, we were accidentally very rude once. We were downstairs, and our daughter (about 8) answered the door and then hollered down the stairs, "Mom?? Dad?? There's a couple of ho's here to see you!!"

When we got upstairs to see two very redfaced women holding Watchtower magazines, we could barely choke out an apology because we were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. Jackie didn't know what a "Jehova's Witness" was, so she'd just done her best on pronounciation.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Living at the top of four flights of stairs pretty much filters out all but the most intrepid solicitors.

But I'm always one for the most polite approach. I tell JW's (and any other Chrisitian proselytizers) that I appreciate their commitment and hard work for their faith, but thank you, I've decided that hell is preferrable to supporting the nasty hateful stuff their god is promoting.

Thanks eversomuch and have a nice night.

(but I have a weakness for those poor mormon boys in the middle of summer- is there some restriction on letting these kids carry water bottles on their bikes?)

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Maxine, maybe its easier being nasty if one is a man. That's my best guess. I just haven't had anybody who comes to the door be nasty to me. A couple of telemarketers, but hey, they don't know where I live, so who cares?

I did get a high-pressure call from the Framingham, Mass., police. They wanted me to buy them flak jackets. I donated $25 bucks because, hey, they're the police and they know where I live. So maybe I'm not really so tough after all.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

I'm not sure it's easier to be nasty if you're a man. Unless you mean that it's easier in that you're less likely to suffer the repercussions of doing so, because a psycho would more likely freak out on a woman.

And about the telemarketer thing: they may not know your address but they do you know your name! And they probably have your number on their terminals, so they could figure out what area code/location you're in. If you have an unusual last name like "Wehadababyit'saboy," which I do, then it's just as good as them having your address.

That reminds me: I should get myself unlisted.

Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with the way you handle solicitors; just wanted you (and others) to be aware of the psycho element.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

I try to never answer the door/phone for the most part, but people actually drop by for my roommate and call her, so occasionally I get one. Basically, anyone trying to sell me something on the spur of the moment while harassing me at home/on the phone/walking to my damn classes just really pisses me off. I hate having them whine in my face AND refuse to take no for an answer while in my face. Even if it's a really good cause and I do give them money, I now hate their guts extremely for pushing it on me, and it's no longer out of the goodness of my heart, it's a "Get the fuck away from me" bribe.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Maxine, that is what I meant: I suffer less fallout from being verbally nasty because I'm 6'2" and 250 pounds. Also, I look like trailer trash with a short haircut -- a fact I often lament on these pages. These things probably explain why I haven't had any one pick a physical fight with me in along time more than any special charisma I have.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2001

Tom,

Your answer (about not getting fights picked with you) amuzed me. One time, I was enthusing to someone about how good my husband (six foot, and strongly built) is at talking to strangers that I never worried anywhere I went with him, and I got a strange look from the woman. "Have you looked at him?", she inquired. And I went and did so, and realized that even though I just think of my husband as a sweetie, he is actually a fairly formidable looking man.

At science fiction cons, he used to work Roving Ops as a volunteer. The people who ran Ops liked him because he could just gently loom over the frisky youngsters who were trying to remove the fire extinguisher from the hotel wall, and they would decide it was not such a good idea after all, and maybe they should even go to bed, or at least find a private party somewhere. Plus, he had the added attraction that he was always willing to call Hotel Security, if gentle looming didn't work, rather than try to handle it himself.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

I answered the door once for a very chirpy young woman who assured me right from the start that she wasn't going to try to sell me anything. She then launched full-speed into a memorized sales pitch for a revolutionary new cleaning product which came in a squirt bottle and was totally environmentally safe. "You can even drink it!" She demonstrated this by squirting some in her mouth. I lost the next minute of her sales pitch due to trying to control my laughter as I heard the infamous words in my head, "It's a floor wax!" "It's a dessert topping!" "It's a floor wax!" I returned to our regularly scheduled broadcast just in time for her to fan out a selection of magazines I could buy, in exchange for which she would give me a bottle of Super Clean 'n' Tasty.

I told her she wasn't selling anything at my house that day. She asked why not. I told her, because she said she wasn't going to. She sobbed, "Now I'm never going to get to Hawaii!" and ran away.

We put a sign over the doorbell at one house we lived in, reading, "DOORBELL BROKEN. PLEASE KNOCK." We told our friends it was a ruse, so if anybody knocked, we didn't open the door.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Beth had a sign like that for a while... I wonder if she was trying to tell me something.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

I was. I was trying to tell you that my doorbell only works about once in every ten tries.

But since my dogs do the happy dance when you come over, you don't really need a doorbell to announce your presence.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Damn. They've ruined my plot to sneak in and make myself dinner.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Our general rule is, we only buy from kids in uniform. Girl Guide cookies and band candy, and only if you show up on the doorstep in a uniform, with a bunch of your friends giggling at the other end of the sidewalk.

Everyone else gets a quiet and polite, "No. Thank you." And then I just close the door. Except for the Mormons, who drive me insane - they send these sheltered and naive 17 year old kids on 'missions' to convert, door to door, and they do not like to take 'no' for an answer. Once, after they went on, and on, and on, I leaned out the door, and said, no thank you, I am Jewish, and therefore not interested in Christian theology, and this poor little boy leaped backward in terror, and fell right off the porch. I swear they thought I was going to eat them.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

We live in a gated apartment community where, if one wanted in and didn't have a clicker thingee, they would have to call an apartment from the keypad in the mail kiosk, and get buzzed in. The gates for the most part will NOT let more than one car in on a click at a time. We are supposed to be free from solicitors, and for the most part, we are. Our friends have us buzz them in, and my friends that live in the complex call first since I am on the 3rd floor and with what I do for a living, I am in and out of the apartment all the time, and nobody wants to walk up 3 flights of stairs and NOBODY be there to answer the door. The main thing that bothers me is the amount of paper that accumulates in my door and on my door knob (from takeout menus to religious and singles pamphlets). As we were leaving to go out to dinner on Monday, we opened the door to one of the maintenence staff attempting to stuf one of those brochures in our door. WTF? We are being mail spammed by the company that, as a rule, promises that we will be disturbance-free as far as solicitors go? Does anyone else have the problem of trying to open the door with several bags of groceries, a cell phone, purse, and fumbling with keys to have a novel's worth of junk literature fall into the doorway and floor, and all over your rug? Or is it just me? I look in the keyhole when someone knocks on the door, and don't answer if I don't know them. They can call me a bitch if they want (which they have gone as far as to to do, by writing it on the message center I have hung by the door... I really don't care what they call me, as long as they stop calling on me!)

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Kristin, as long as you have taken to confronting the Mormon "elders" when they call on you (did you realize that's the official title of those poor scared 17 year olds?), please do this for me the next time they come around: Let make their pitch, while looking at them silently until they quiet down. Then politely ask, "Do your parents take religious advice from you, dear?"

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

We don't get very many here in the suburbs. There have been a couple of people running for office, one person selling children's books. A few times neighborhood kids have come around selling things for their school. They're the only ones I'll buy stuff from. I used to have to sell Camp Fire Girl candy and I feel sorry for them. All of these came by in the afternoon.

We instruct all phone solicitors to put us on the no-call list. My husband used to just say "She's not here" when they asked for me, but they'd just call every night. Now he hands the phone to me and I tell them never to call again.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

We used to get Jehovah's Witnesses where I used to live. They were always polite, but I still wanted to pretend there was a Satanic ritual going on in the back room. "Honey, you better tie up the goat & snuff the candles. There's somebody at the door." I never had the nerve, though.

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2001

Since I live alone, I was always told that opening the door to unknown persons was a big no-no. I look through the peep-hole (or window) and yell "Can I help you?" though the closed door. If they are selling something, I just say "No thank you" and walk away. It's less confrontational than trying to shut the door in their face.

I'd have to say that anyone who tried selling me stuff at night would be in for a rather rude reaction anyway. Strangers at your door after dark is too scary. They should know that. Bleah.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001

The only ones we've had so far in our house are in a series of young kids selling exorbitantly jacked-up cheap candy, basically a donation to alleged programs for city kids. A few things about this piss me off: these kids come out after dark, in the cold, and they're alone and under 12. What they need to be doing is not humiliating themselves going door to door but doing their homework or reading a damn book. Then the kids themselves piss me off because they just run through a spiel as if it's just a bunch of meaningless sounds strung together--they're out of breath from talking fast enough to get it all out before someone slams the door on them; they don't enunciate; and they don't make eye contact. So they learn nothing. Also they never have any supporting documentation and I don't believe they're selling for charity at all but some sweatshop-equivalent. One boy rang my bell at 8:30 at night when I was alone in the house and, when I denied him, wanted to use my phone to be picked up. I offered to make a call for him instead, dialed the number, and the adult was rude to me and told me someone would be there for him within 20'. It was almost 9 p.m. in November. Unbelievable.

rant out

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2001

Since I'm not home during the day, I don't see many of the door to door folks. The development I live in is supposed to be "no soliciting" but that doesn't seem to apply when Little Susie is soliciting for her middle school but I never buy from them so they don't stop by much.

Where I used to live (crappy rentals in a semi-bad neighborhood) we got lots of religious types trolling. Well we did until I got a bit pissed off one day and told them that I'd love to hear more about their church (baptist I think) but "Satan won't let me". End of the churchy types coming by.

As for telemarketers, I'm semi-ashamed to admit that I once spent 11 dreadful months as a telemarketer (for mausoleums yet). A simple "no thanks!" and a hangup is the best way to go. If you are going to go through the hassle of asking to be removed from their phone list: ASK for a supervisor. Take down Supervisors name, date, time of call, NAME of company. Keep this info around. Supposedly you can collect monetary damages if the company ever recalls you - but it can be a hassle to do so.

And the unlisted number bit?? A lot of telemarketers use a criss- cross directory in addition to purchased call list or just a normal phone book. We also used to dial sequentially - 555-0001, 555-0002 etc. so unlisted will help but wont' eliminate.

The best defense is to list your phone number in a slightly different manner than what you use day to day. So if you're John B. Smith and you get a call for J. Brian Smith - you'll have an indication that it's no one you know. Another quick way (for single folks) is the infamous "Is Mr or Mrs Smith there?" for me it's simple - I'm *Ms* there is no Mr - therefore ~click~ goes the phone.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001

>> Another quick way (for single folks) is the infamous "Is Mr or Mrs Smith there?" for me it's simple - I'm *Ms* there is no Mr - therefore ~click~ goes the phone.<<

Easy for me. My last name is SYKES, which rhymes with YIKES! For some reason 99% of the telemarketers seem to pronounce it "SKIES"

I can honestly say there is no Beverly Skies at this number.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2001