I guess this is on my mind because of my in-laws. They are dear old country folks getting up in years and can no longer live alone. It always irks me to see the way people treat their elderly parents as children, or at least talk to them in patronizing tones. I can't imagine that very many people actually want to go to a nursing home when they get old. It'd be especially hard for a homesteader, who has been so independent and close to the land.

So, what do you want your life to be like when you get old? Most of us don't like to think of these things, but everyone either gets old or dies first. If you're already elderly, is life the way you'd like it to be? What would be the ideal ife for an aging homesteader?

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), January 24, 2001

Answers

I guess my view of how I'd like to age may not be realistic. But I see, in my mind's eye, a little white cottage, surrounded by a white picket fence. Between the fence and the house, it's full of a flower and herb garden. I still quilt and make little clothes and toys and cookies for my grand children when they come to visit. But mostly, I just putter around, gardening, maybe painting pictures or some other kind of creative work. The house has a porch with a swing on it, where I can sit and look at the flowers in the garden while I do handwork or snap green beans, or hull strawberries. Probably just an idle fantasy, but a nice one! :)

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), January 24, 2001.

Thanks for posting this interesting topic.With elderly parents,at the end of their road,in poor shape,but still in their own home in the country, my family has been wrestling with this issue alot lately.And an wrestling match is a good analogy ,for my folks anyway.Knockdown drag out fight sometimes.They may be old and sick, but there still plenty of fire left!

The good news to come out of it is my hubbie,who always steadfastedly refused to consider any option, now says he might be willing to move to town if he got too beat up to stay on the farm.He watched how my family has struggled with the original contrary old bugger,and has decided he doesn't want to be quite that ornery.Tremendous leap for him,actually.

Example:We spent our Thanksgiving reroofing the old folks home,'cause the contrary old bugger won't spend moldy money of which he has plenty to do hire someone to do it.You know,it was pretty darn cold.It snowed in fact.All but two have to travel a good distance to get there.Me the furtherest.Stick this in the category "How not to be when you get old".

My brothers have spent all their free time at the old folks place, fixing and cleaning,and verbally duking it out with the old guy.We do it bc we should as dutiful children, bc we love them,warts and all, and because someone has too.But I don't pretend that it's been easy.

So,if you have children our other relativies that care about you and live close enough, or can hire help,you can probably manage to stay on the farm for quite some time,as long as you realize that it involves alot of scaling back.Otherwise,make alternate plans.

Transportation issues are a big one.Original old bugger is no longer fit to be on the highway anymore.But don't tell him that,less you're prepared to do battle.So,he still drives. So,we sit around waiting for the next accident,wondering if this one will be the fatal one.I came within a hairs breath of calling the state police and asking them to pull his license, the last time.Didn't do it bc within the week he was hospitalized and we thought he wouldn't be driving anymore.We were wrong.

So figure out how you are going to get from here to there.One old couple I knew used a golf cart.They looked cute as a button,driving around together in it.

Well that's a couple of my thoughts.Hey,it was actually cathartic to whine a bit.Thanks!Hope some others post with their ideas.

-- sharon wt (wildflower@ekyol.com), January 24, 2001.

Actually, Rebekah, I've been working toward that and will continue to work toward that until I feel I am ready to retire (hopefully about 10 years). I hope to have everything up to snuff so I will not have to do any big renovations or repairs. I want my "old-time" to be healthy, debt free, and hassle free. Much, of course, depends on one's health...without good health you might as well live in an apartment. But I'm setting myself up to be in a position of maintaining and making my last years on the farm ones of continuity without struggle...It is important to keep working and continue to do the chores and maintainance just to insure I'll be able to work the farm and prevent my body from breaking down. "If you don't use it, you lose it"...will become very important.(already is!)

Good question.

-- JimR (jroberts1@cas.org), January 24, 2001.

This subject has been on my mind alot for the last couple of weeks because of a blow-out with my knee. Priorities sure did change, and I saw very quickly that it's very hard to homestead on crutches.(Knee is much better, praise the Lord!). Practically speaking, I really wondered how I would be able to get around this hilly, rocks place if I was always worried about the knee going out again. When it blew, I was headed out across a pasture to milk the goat. Luckily, it was DH's day off and he heard me calling for help and got me back to the house. What if I'd been in the woods, and he was at work? Anyway, it's been a wake-up call for me. Get in better shape, lose some weight, have clear paths to work areas, work smart, not hard. And enjoy the good life for as long as I can. Oh, another little aspect to this is availability of quality health care in the rural areas. My dr. told me I would have to go all the way to Little Rock for orthopedic surgery (if warranted) because no surgeons in the nearby cities will accept CHAMPUS insurance. That would be a hardship if I had to do it. As they say, gettin' old ain't for sissies!

-- melina b. (goatgalmjb1@hotmail.com), January 24, 2001.

I agree with what Jim said "If you don't use it you lose it". The Lord was looking out for my wife and I by putting a 95 year old lady in our lives. This lady has no family, she has out lived her children. But her idea is that if she stops 'doin' she will die. so, she keeps on doin' everything she can from canning 5-10 minutes at a time to pullin' a stool around raking leaves and she WILL NOT let us do much for her. Except like residing her out buildings. But, one of the gifts she gives us is talking about the 'olden' days. We are starting to record her stories so they won't be lost. So, anyone that would please say a prayer for Sue Dora. She will get real sick and my wife will stay with her a few days and think this is goiin' to be it. And, the little ole woman full of spit and fire bounces back. Gary (a lurker revealed)

-- Gary Mattox (gmattox@integrity.com), January 24, 2001.

Sharon, you made me laugh! Maybe being so ornery is what keeps him alive, he doesn't want to become passive like many older people. I agree with JimR, and keeping exercised. I think I'd rather grow ornery than have to end up in a nursing home.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), January 24, 2001.

My Great Grandmother lived into her nineties, and was a wonderful old woman, much loved by her very large family. Until the last couple of years, she alternated residences between her children, who looked forward gladly to her visits. She kept busy, helped where she could, and never had a mean word for anyone. All the children and grandchildren had the opportunity to know her and love her. Toward the end, when she really needed more care, and the children (grandparents to us) hesitated, she assured them how wonderful the nursing home was--she was in her childhood hometown, and actually met old friends there and was able to make even that a very positive experience. How I hope my children, grandchildren, and (hopefully) great grandchildren will love me the way we loved her. mary

-- mary, texas (marylgarcia@aol.com), January 24, 2001.

Hope I'm just like Mary's Grandma! Guess I better start practicing now!

-- Nan (davidl41@ipa.net), January 24, 2001.

I would like to be like Mary's Grandmother! I have learned by caring for my parents-how I do not want to be!!!I do not want people to feel sorry for me because I am old! I want to do what I can and be grateful when someone does the things I am not able to do!!!!I quess I want to do the business of living---not worried about dying all the time!!!

I want to have an attitude like my Godmother who is in a wheelchair and unable to do anything--she can't even feed her self--They have no money but she has a heart of GOLD with many "rubies" in her "Crown"!!!!She is my hero! She loves everyone and everyone loves her!!!!

-- Debbie T in N.C. (rdtyner@mindspring.com), January 24, 2001.

Rebekah: I read this book by Helen Nearing."Loving and Leaving the Good Life" I think it was called. Anyway it was a very touching account of the end of Scott Nearing's life. A must read.....Kirk

-- Kirk Davis (kirkay@yahoo.com), January 24, 2001.

I'm hoping to live and die like my mom and dad. We moved here to the farm and got mom a mobile home when it began to appear she needed help, so she could spend the last days of her life where she wanted to be, on the farm. (Ended up being 18 years) She live here for 55 years, was cutting up seed potatoes and feeding the birds a week before and was self sufficient up until the heart attack. Her death was sudden, compared to many older folks, and quiet with daughter by her side. My dad died sitting at the kitchen table. Hopefully one of my daughters will do the same for me!

To have animals as long as my body will allow me to do chores and have grandchildren to pass my knowledge on too, that would be my ideal old age.

-- Betsy K (betsyk@pathwaynet.com), January 25, 2001.

To be able to live on my own, grow and preserve as much of my own food as possible, have and care for my animals with as little independence (and interference) from others as possible. Probably have to be in a different location, as neither of us thought about how we would get into this house when we got older--the house is a modular, sitting on a very deep basement, but the doors are 5 foot above the ground, so stairs to climb either way, and to get to the basement---a long set of stairs. Hubby did say once he would build me one of those little elevator chairs to get in and out with when I got old! Jan

-- Jan in CO (Janice12@aol.com), January 25, 2001.

I agree with Betsy. We have designed our homestead with old age in mind. I hope to be milking a goat and keeping my chickens until the day I die. We had neighbors that were still milking a herd of cattle by hand in their 80's. I think it is a state of mind as well as a willingness to push on even when you have some aches and pains.

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), January 25, 2001.

How Old? We plan on selling our ranch when I am 65, (I will be 62 in 3 days) and then buy a smaller place, that we can get away from and do some traveling during the winters. Still keep our hand in gardening etc. I retired 10 years ago.

-- Hendo (OR) (redgate@echoweb.net), January 26, 2001.

Rebekah, I thought this was a wonderful question. We haven't moved to the country yet, but have already drawn up plans for handicap house plans for our 'golden' years (51&58 now). We, too, want to spend our time with animals, garden & farmlife but realize we may not always be able to do so (physically or if alzheimers hits, it seems the worst infirmity to me!) We don't want to be a burden to our children and hope we can live on our own, but if necessary assisted/nursing home care must be considered. I've seen the heartbreaking and devestating effects of handicaps with my father and grandmother who both recently passed away and know how frustrating it was for both of them. I pray I grow old gracefully, afraid our stubborn lineage may dictate otherwise!

-- Marsha (CaprisMaa@aol.com), January 27, 2001.

I have thought about this alot over the years. I have in mind a small comunity where golf carts are everywhere. Modest homes and yards with room for chickens of course! Community gardens and parks with foot trails. A small lake for fishing. And things to do to make life worth living. Well, I can dream can't I?

-- Tina (clia88@newmexico.com), January 29, 2001.

Well, I am already living in the great retirement state (a born and raised native). I hope to retire on the Homestead (as in old days of Homestead Land giveaway) that my Great, great Grandfather Enoch settled in the Ocala Nat'l Forest. The land has remained in the family and I love the area. I want to live of the land like in the old timey movie "The Yearling" about a fawn that gets into the corn field. My aunt & her new husband built a real log house in the 1940's on 40 acres nearby. She was widowed young and had no children. She love the land and it loved her in return. She was supported completely by her widow's pension and the pears and grapes and plants that she grew and sold. Her companions were two cur dogs that protected her and protected the pears and grapes from racoons. One night they treed one in a great big old tree that had a hollow inside. That's where the coon thought he'd hid. Aunt Gladys said she just pointed the shotgun up into the hole and let her fly! big old coon fell at her feet with dogs all over him. Boy could she tell stories! She never stopped doing for herself. What she couldn't she'd save till a younger stronger lad came by and she bribe him into helping with some of her orange pie. Now that's how I want to live my last years! She lived into her ninties, only reling on a sister that lived nearby to take her places. She died in that log house just a few miles from where she was born and went to school, near the Oklawaha River.

-- Eve in FL (owenall@lwol.com), January 31, 2001.